


Healing Takes Time

by CaptainScience



Category: Free!
Genre: AU where Rin and Haru never met as kids, I left it as open-ended as possible, M/M, Mostly Haru's POV, Prompt: your otp meets at a recovery group, Recovery, Rinharu is the only actual pairing in this, Slow Build, So Much Friendship, Strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, There are a lot though so tread carefully, Trauma, Trigger warnings inside, but feel free to pair up any of the side characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:44:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 72,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6612976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainScience/pseuds/CaptainScience
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s all just a dream. It has to be a dream, a sick dream because this can’t be happening, not to him, not to the most antisocial person he knows, not to someone that shuns human contact and spends more waking hours alone in the bathtub than not. </p>
<p>The hardest part of recovery is accepting you need help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohgod I can't believe I'm actually posting this fic. OKAY, so I swear this is totally one of the fluffiest, sappiest, most romantic pieces of drivel I’ve ever written. BUT, this fic also contains some reaaally heavy material that has the potential for triggering issues.
> 
> I find that excessive tagging can completely spoil a fic (also to tag everything in this would involve about 20-25 tags that no one wants clogging up the ao3 page), so I’ve opted not to use a million tags for those reasons. BUT. Because triggering is serious business, I've decided to tag each chapter individually with all potential triggers, that way anyone who might have an issue can just scroll down to the notes and check to make sure the content’s safe before reading. Seriously, if any of the more common (or even less common!) triggers are a problem for you, please please pleeeease scroll down and check before reading. 
> 
> Oh! The one thing I will happily spoil though is that there’s no major character death. That’s totally the one thing I can’t do, so no worries on that one! Also, definitely not exaggerating on the slow build tag. At all. BUT IT'S WORTH THE WAIT I SWEAR.

 

 

_The water is no longer alive. It no longer speaks, no longer guides. It’s a silent entity, constraining, restrictive, angry. Unhappy._

_It no longer provides comfort. In place of the protective, warm, gentle blanket is now a suffocating, constrictive weight._

_It’s now defanged. Dead._

 

Knock.

 

“Haru-chan?”

 

After a few moments of silence, another tentative knock rapped along the bathroom door. “Haru-chan? I’m coming in, alright?”

 

Quietly the door slid open, squeaking at the movement as Makoto peeked around the edge, glancing at the bathtub.

 

“I told you to stop calling my Haru-chan,” Haruka grumbled lowly, refusing to meet Makoto’s eyes as he slid further into the depths of the water, dipping his ears below the surface in an attempt to willfully ignore his best friend.

 

“You have class soon, Haru,” Makoto pointed out carefully, stepping fully into the small bathroom.

 

“Not going,” Haruka mumbled, fingers idly tapping at the floating dolphin toy he’d brought in with him, watching it bob merrily through the water.

 

“Haru,” Makoto chastised gently, taking a step closer and offering out a strong hand.

 

“I said I’m not going,” Haruka repeated, ignoring the proffered hand in favor of dipping a finger below the water’s surface, flicking at the dolphin’s tail.

 

For a moment Makoto just stood there awkwardly, hand still held out, desperately imploring Haruka’s eyes to meet his own. When his offer was refused, however, he finally let his hand drop to his side with a worried sigh. “Haru, you can’t just stay here in your bathtub all day. If you don’t go to class you’ll lose your scholarship.”

 

“I still go to training,” Haruka responded calmly, hand settling on the dolphin’s head as he palmed it below the surface before uncovering it and letting it float back to the top of the bath.

 

“Which is great, Haru, but your grades…” Makoto sighed, teeth nibbling idly on his lower lip as he struggled to find the exact words he wanted to say. “I… Haru…” he started, mouth hanging open for a moment as he once again floundered to speak.

 

Reluctantly Haru sat up in the tub, finally letting his blue gaze fall onto Makoto in quiet question.

 

“I think you need to get help, Haru,” Makoto finally said, wincing at the words as soon as they’d come out, letting one hand settle on his arm, giving it a nervous rub.

 

“I don’t need help.”

 

“Yes you do, Haru! I-I understand that, that maybe you’re not comfortable talking to me. Or Nagisa or Rei or, or anyone else that you’re friends with. But a professional or, or if you can’t afford that then there are recovery groups! Your university has a lot of support groups and such. Just, just because none of us understand what you’re going through doesn’t mean there aren’t people who haven’t been through the same thing right here on campus, Haru! You could go there and, and talk to other people about what happened, about how you feel, about-“

 

“Shut up, Makoto,” Haruka snapped quietly.

 

“H-Haru?” Makoto squeaked, blinking slowly in shock at the harshness in those blue eyes. “I… I just think…” he continued, flustered as he attempted to regain his bearings. “I just think it might, might he-“

 

“I said shut up, Makoto!” Haruka spat out, leveling an irritated glare at Makoto. “I don’t need your help! I don’t need anyone’s help! I’m fine so just leave me the _hell_ alone!”

 

“H-Haru-chan…” Makoto swallowed hard, reluctantly nodding in response. “Okay. I-I’ll go. Just… please, just think about it, Haru. That’s all I’m asking.”

 

“Makoto…” Haruka sighed out, anger beginning to fade as tired eyes drifted back down to the dolphin.

 

“I’m leaving now. Oh, I stocked your fridge with some fresh mackerel, so… make sure to have a good meal, okay?”

 

“Alright.”

 

“And… I’m sorry. For… for everything.”

 

“Please just go...”

 

“Y-Yeah. Bye, Haru.”

 

\--

 

_“Ungh, yes, fuck… you’re so fucking tight. I bet you’ve never been fucked before, have you? How does it feel, having my huge cock shoved up your tiny little ass? Good, right? Cute little whoreboys love big dicks, don’t they?”_

_“Nnghh…”_

_Darkness._

_Darkness and pain. Pain everywhere. Shooting, electric pain courses down his backside, dispersing out through heavy limbs, leaden and dead and refusing to listen to his commands._

_“M-Mako… to…?” he slurs, choking on his own words, cotton-dry tongue uncooperative as long, uncomfortably achy lashes flutter and he desperately tries to lift heavy lids._

_He can’t move but he_ can _smell, can smell the stagnant remains of a half smoked cigarette and the lingering stench of spilled booze. Can smell the reek of sweat and sex._

_The ringing of a cellphone blasts through the quiet of the room, silent outside the gentle whirl of the air conditioner. “M-Makoto…” he tries again, fingers curling weakly into the crumple of sheets he’s half buried under, mentally trying to summon his cellphone to him with magical powers he doesn’t have, unable to get his body to obey, to move, to get up and grab the phone and Makoto, it has to be Makoto and he needs Makoto and he’s confused and scared and Makoto will know what happened, Makoto always knows what’s happened._

_Makoto can help him._

_The ringing stops and he still hasn’t moved, still pinned to the bed by the weight of his own heavy limbs, still trying to swallow with a throat too dry, instead ending up in a wreck of hacking coughs._

_It takes another five minutes, or maybe fifty, time has a way of undulating in either inches or miles, before he finally gets his body under some semblance of control. His body is on fire, and once he can use a hand again he lets his fingers trail to his back, to the epicenter of his agony. His fingers drift along his lower back, down the sloping curve of his ass and dipping shakily between sore, slightly parted thighs. His skin is caked with a dried fluid, cracked and flaky beneath the pads of his fingertips. Immediately he knows what it is, but he refuses to make the connection, refuses to let himself make the mental leap. Because admittance means acceptance and he’s not ready to accept. He may never be ready._

_With a groaning grunt, guttural and deep within that dry throat, he carefully plants both palms to the bedspread and pushes up with a low, pained cry, dragging his knees beneath his torso for support._

_And then he feels it._ Hears _it. The gloppy drip. Lukewarm, slipping down his thigh and spattering onto the mattress and suddenly his throat is no longer dry because he’s vomiting up bile and water because it’s all he has in his stomach from the night before, and tears are stinging his eyes and he’s crying, sobbing even, and even though the tears are congesting his nose he can still smell it, the mix of vomit and semen and it’s all just a dream, it has to be a dream, a sick dream because this can’t be happening, not to him, not to the most antisocial person he knows, not to someone that shuns human contact and spends more waking hours alone in the bathtub than not._

_And then his phone starts ringing again and he can’t think, can’t even make the connection anymore that it has to be Makoto, and instead he just closes his eyes and does the first thing that comes to mind as he takes a deep, ragged breath and screams._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: mentions of abuse, rape, vomiting, coping with sexual trauma


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru finally gets help.

 

“Hello, everyone! As most of you already know, my name is Amakata Miho and I work here at the university as one of the Japanese literature professors. Years ago, with help and guidance from the campus psychologists, I decided to start a campus support group for survivors of sexual assault, domestic abuse and violence. The goal of this group is to provide a safe haven to those struggling to deal with the aftermath of abuse and to create an open, inclusive environment where survivors are free to speak amongst those who have been in similar situations themselves, without fear of their words ever leaving this room. Speaking isn’t required to attend meetings, however anyone who wishes to speak is encouraged to do so, and open conversation is welcomed. All we ask of new attendees is for a first name. And today, seeing as we have a new member, how about we go around the room and introduce ourselves? Anyone willing to start?”

 

“Uhm, I can, Amakata-sensei! Should we say why we’re here? Or… or just our names?”

 

“Anything you’re comfortable with is fine.”

 

“Oh, okay! Uhm, my name’s Ai. I’m a second year student and I’m studying marine biology! I uhm… I started coming to meetings because… because it was my first time far enough away from home that I felt comfortable with getting help and my dad not knowing about it. Since he’s the one that…yeah…” Aiichirou swallowed hard, head tilting downwards, eyes obscured by hanging bangs.

 

“That was a great start, Ai!” Amakata smiled gently as Aiichirou lifted his head, nodding with a small, pleased smile.

 

“So I’m next then, I guess?” a girl seated next to Aiichirou asked, nervously brushing honeyed brown bangs from her face, green eyes flitting around the room, settling briefly on Haruka’s before shifting back to Amakata.

 

Idly, Haruka noted how similar her eyes were to Ran’s. In color, anyways. Warm, beautiful green.

 

“Uhm, well, I’m Chigusa. I’m also a second year. I started attending meetings a few months ago after I uhm, broke up with my boyfriend…” she trailed off, attention drifting to her lap as she brushed away at the non-existent lint on her skirt.

 

“I’m Aki!” another girl smiled brightly. Haruka settled his eyes on her for a moment, immediately overwhelmed by a sense of familiarity. Did he know this girl?

 

“I’m in my final year here at the university. I’m a business major, but let’s be honest, all I really care about is swimming. I’m captain of the women’s swim team here, and I’m hoping to qualify for the next Olympics!”

 

Haruka’s first instinct was to turn tail and run.

 

Maybe she hadn’t recognize him yet. Maybe she’d somehow never seen him at the pool. She was the women’s team captain, not a coach or something, so it was possible her attention was focused on her own team, not the men’s. Just because he’d found her familiar didn’t mean she actually knew him, right?

 

Why oh why had he actually caved? Why had he come to this place? Sure he hadn’t slept in weeks and the nightmares wouldn’t stop and every time he was walking home alone he felt like someone was behind him, coming for him, going to drag him right back into that hotel room and this time he’d never make it back out alive. But in the grand scheme of things he could live with that, right? They were just dreams. Just a little bit of fear. Not a huge deal, really.

 

He couldn’t do this. He absolutely could _not_ do this.

 

“I guess compared to everyone else my reason for being here is kind of stupid, but I started coming to meetings after I got mugged on my way back from practice one night. I thought I could just get over it but... I guess not," Aki continued, laughing uncomfortably until Chigusa gave her shoulder a gentle, soothing squeeze. “Anyways, you’re next, right?” she smiled, turning to Haruka, a soft, patient expression crossing her face.

 

“Haru…” he mumbled out awkwardly, heart pounding, fingers squeezing down on the strap of his backpack he’d set between his legs when he’d first taken his seat in the half-assed circle of chairs they’d created before the start of the meeting.

 

Would they judge him if he ran out the door right now?

 

“That it?” Aki teased gently, carefully nudging his foot with her own.

 

“Aki, you know we only require first names here. If Haru doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t have to,” Amakata chastised carefully, offering Haruka a smile of her own.

 

This had been a seriously stupid decision. It was like being surrounded by a group of smiley Makoto’s and now someone actually _recognized_ him. Well, at least he thought she did, anyways.

 

He shouldn’t have come for help.

 

He didn’t need help. Makoto was wrong, he was _fine_.

 

“I-I’m a third year,” he added quietly, content to leave it at that, purposefully averting his eyes.

 

“I guess that leaves us, then?” a warm-eyed, brown haired boy laughed, glancing over at Haruka. “I’m Kazuki and this is Takuya. We’re both second years and we’ve actually known each other since high school. Like Aki, we both swim.”

 

Haruka blinked slowly, glancing at the two men and wondering how the hell they could be on the swim team and he didn’t recognize them. Then again there were a lot of people in the program, some better than others, and he’d never really cared to make friends or pay attention to anything outside his coach or the water.

 

All he cared about was keeping his scholarship, not what was going on around him at the pool.

 

“I started coming to these meetings because Takuya wanted to but he was too embarrassed to go alone,” Kazuki grinned, earning a grumbling ‘hey’ and an irritated shove from the taller man beside him. “I wanted him to go, he wouldn’t go without me, soooo here we are.”

 

“Alright, that’s everyone who’s here today. Thank you everyone for all the wonderful introductions! And welcome as well to Haru. Does anyone have anything they want to talk about?”

 

“Amakata-sensei, he never misses a meeting. Where’s Ri-“

 

“Oi! Sorry, sorry! The printer at the office got jammed while I was printing out the new checklists, and then there was a huge line at the bakery so I had to wait forever to get the stupid scones!”

 

Haruka glanced up at the newest member of the room, staring at the sweaty, flustered redhead that had come sprinting in, pamphlets nestled in the crook of his elbow, two bags hanging heavily in each hand. Haruka watched as the redhead immediately darted over to a side table, dumping the pamphlets on the wood surface before setting both bags on top as well.

 

Back turned to the circle of students he began rummaging through the totes, tugging out small paper plates and utensils and brown bakery boxes Haruka presumed held scones. Once the redhead’d removed everything he slipped the bag under the table, reaching into the remaining bag to pull out bottles of tea and water. “Anybody thirsty?” he asked, turning his attention back on the circle, bottle of water in one hand, tea in the other, eyes suddenly widening. “Oi, sorry! I didn’t notice we have someone new tonight! Have we already done introductions?”

 

“We just finished them up. This is Haru. Also, tea please.”

 

The redhead laughed quietly, tossing the bottle of tea to the professor, wandering over with a bottle of water, holding it out to Haruka. “It’s nice to meet you, Haru. I’m Rin. Is water okay, or do you want tea instead?”

 

“Water’s fine,” Haruka mumbled, reaching out to take the offered drink, blue eyes glued on red, for some reason unable to look away from that piercing, ruby gaze.

 

Those eyes looked so oddly… _familiar_.

 

“I _swear_ I’m not normally this late. Actually I’m never late. Just one of those days, I guess. Anyways, I’m a second year student and I’ve been coming to meetings since my first week here. I do most of the grunt work for Amakata-sensei. I’m pretty much her slave, honestly,” Rin chuckled, wandering back to the table to grab some waters, tossing out drinks to the other students.

 

“He’s a very efficient slave,” Amakata added in amusement as Rin made his way back to Haruka. 

 

“You hungry? Our meetings are so close to dinner time we try to always have some type of snack or something to tide everyone over. Today was apparently scone day. They’re filled with fruit jelly. Got raspberry, mango and pineapple.”

 

“I can get it myself…” Haruka said quietly, moving to rise only to be ushered right back into his seat.

 

“Seriously, it’s fine. What flavor you want? Mango?”

 

“Mm, pineapple.”

 

Rin nodded, disappearing back to the table to slide a scone onto one of the small plates, returning to hand it over to Haruka. “This bakery is supposedly the best around campus, so hopefully it lives up to its reputation.”

 

“Ah, thanks…” Haruka mumbled, staring at the plate in his hand, tentatively picking up the scone, taking a small bite. Surprisingly good, really.

 

“So, what about us, Rin? Where’s ours?” Aki teased, earning an amused snort from Rin.

 

“I was getting there! Not like I have to ask you guys, anyways. Plus, new guests always come first,” Rin scoffed, returning to the table and beginning to put scones on plates, bringing them back two at a time to the circle of students. “Alright, mango for Ai, of course. Raspberry for Chigusa.”

 

Rin disappeared back to the table, grabbing another pair of plates and loading them up. “Pineapple for both Kazuki and Takuya.” One more trip to the table and he returned with a final duo of plates. “Raspberry for Amakata-sensei and for the always indecisive miss ‘surprise me,’ an actual surprise. I have no idea what flavor this is I just closed my eyes and grabbed,” Rin grinned toothily, handing off the plates before grabbing both a chair and another bottle of water.

 

Haruka couldn’t help but stare, eyes drawn to Rin’s smile.

 

Were those… pointed teeth?

 

“Am I the only one that eats mango?” Aiichirou questioned idly, picking at the flaky crust of his buttery pastry.

 

“Maybe? I have no idea what flavor Aki ended up with,” Rin shrugged.

 

“Now I feel bad… you shouldn’t buy it if it’s just for me, Rin,” Aiichirou mumbled, popping a small bite of the scone into his mouth.

 

“Psh, it’s fine, Ai. You’re my favorite anyways,” Rin laughed, dragging his chair over next to Haruka, taking his seat before quickly removing the beanie from his head, idly trying to brush down his messy mop of red hair.

 

Haruka swallowed hard, forcing his eyes away from Rin and back on the scone. Rin’s hair was, well, it was really distinctive…

 

“Hey! Why’s Ai the favorite, anyways?” Kazuki teased affectionately, earning a snort from Rin.

 

“Because the rest of you sass me way too much.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Okay fine, all of you but Takuya sass me way too much,” Rin clarified with an amused snort.

 

For a good while the conversation devolved into playful heckling among obvious friends, leaving Haruka to sit awkwardly in his chair, attempting to make the scone last as long as possible. If he got up to get another it’d definitely draw attention...

 

As though reading his thoughts, a voice of reason cut through the jokes, silencing the friendly banter. “So, is there anything any of you would _actually_ like to talk about?” Amakata interrupted easily, smiling at the group around her.

 

Haruka sat in awkward silence, eyes down, nibbling quietly on his scone and waiting for one of the other students to fill in the gap.

 

He felt like some weird interloper, invading the territory of a close-knit group of friends. This… was very much not what he’d expected when he’d finally decided to bite the bullet and seek help.

 

_Why wasn’t anyone crying yet?_

 

“Uhm, I do…” Aiichirou started, glancing nervously amongst the group.

 

“What’s up, Ai?” Rin questioned, head tilting to the side, gentle expression settling across sharp features.

 

“Ah, it’s not… it’s not a huge deal, I guess. Just… my mom, she’s been a bit sick lately, so with the holiday coming up, she asked me to come home and see her. Usually I just come up with an excuse not to go home, you know? Needing to cram, important school activities, that kind of thing. But she’s sick and she’s my mom and I can’t not go when she says she needs me. But I’m also scared to see my dad. Since she’s been sick lately he’s extra stressed and…” Aiichirou let his voice trail off, tearing off another small piece of his scone with slender fingers, popping the morsel into his mouth.

 

“Oh, Ai…” Chigusa sighed, reaching over to gently ruffle Aiichirou’s hair.

 

Haruka glanced up, scanning the group, watching for everyone else’s reactions. This was the moment of truth, then. When things would finally get serious.

 

God he wasn't ready for this. Just because he'd been bracing for the tears didn't mean he was actually _ready_ for them. He didn't handle emotions well.

 

This had all been such a stupid idea...

 

“Why don’t you just make it a short trip, Ai? Could stay at a friend’s house and just meet up with your mother rather than staying at home,” Aki suggested thoughtfully.

 

“Mmm, I think your parent’s place is kind of close to my mom’s? If it’s just for a few days I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you stayed with us. I always go home for the holidays to see her.”

 

“R-Really, Rin-senpai!?”

 

Rin shrugged nonchalantly. “Why not? Mom loves guests, and my sister’ll be home, too, so it’ll be more than just the two of us. Sousuke comes too sometimes, just kind of depends on what his family’s doing.”

 

“I-I’ll talk to my mom about it, then! Thank you so much, Rin-senpai!”

 

“Hey, it’s not a big deal. I just… don’t want anything happening to you is all…” Rin trailed off irritably, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck, doing his best to avoid the adoring eye contact of Ai.

 

Haruka blinked slowly, glancing around in confusion. That… was it?

 

“Awww, Rin, you’re so cute. You’re like our team mom!” Aki grinned teasingly.

 

“Oi! At least make me team dad, jeez,” Rin grumbled irritably, arms crossing over his chest, hat still held firm in his grasp.

 

“But moms are the ones that bring snacks to their kid’s parties,” Kazuki snickered.

 

“Amakata-sensei asked me to!”

 

“Mom’s also are the ones who take in wayward children,” Chigusa added, affectionately mussing up Aiichirou’s hair once more.

 

“Someone has to and I live the closest!” Rin argued fruitlessly. “If anyone in this room should be our team mom, it’s Amakata-sensei, obviously.”

 

“… Rin, are you saying I’m old enough to be a parent to a bunch of 20-year-olds?” Amakata asked carefully, expression dark.

 

“N-No! I just meant you take care of all of us and are amazing and- you know what. I’m just going to stop now. There are much worse things to be called than team mom,” Rin relented tiredly, shaking his head to himself. “So anyone else have something they want to talk about? Something that doesn’t involve me digging my own grave?”

 

“Oh! There’s a new romantic comedy coming out next week that I really, _really_ want to see! Anyone else want to come? I’ll have to go to a late showing to see it because of practice, so I wouldn’t get out of the movie until late, so…” Aki trailed off, glancing hopefully around the group.

 

“We could take you after practice, since we all finish at the same time. Walk you home afterwards, of course,” Takuya offered, earning a dramatic whimper from Kazuki.

 

Haruka shifted in his seat, finishing off the last bite of his scone, unsure of what to do with his plate. So they were just… back to being friendly, then? That was it?

 

“Ughhh, romantic comedy, really? Can’t we go see an action movie or something instead?” Kazuki whined pathetically, grabbing Takuya’s arm and giving it a little plea of a shake. “Romantic movies are so contriiiived.”

 

“Hey, it’s a romantic comedy, not an over-the-top cheesy, dramatic romance! It’s supposed to be super funny, so stop being a whiny baby,” Aki barked, tossing her sealed water bottle at Kazuki, cursing lowly when she missed, sending the bottle sailing over his head and into the wall.

 

“It’s a good thing you’re a swimmer, Aki, you’d be terrible at ball sports,” Chigusa giggled, earning a surprised, amused little noise from Aki.

 

“Oh what, we run out of reasons to rag on Rin so now it’s rag on Aki time?” she laughed, rising to her feet and wandering off to go retrieve the bottle of water from the floor.

 

“Well your aim _is_ atrocious,” Kazuki smirked, yelping as Aki gave him a smack upside the head as she returned to her seat.

 

“I could totally kick your butt in basketball!” Aki challenged back.

 

“Psh, yeah right. Tennis, maybe.”

 

“Just because I’m short doesn’t mean I couldn’t wipe the floor with you! After practice tomorrow, round of horse down at the court, winner buys the other ramen for dinner.”

 

“Oh you are _so_ on. Takuya, you’re reffing.”

 

“Oh thrilling, just how I wanted to spend my evening,” Takuya sighed.

 

“Don’t whine, Takuya, when I beat Aki and she buys me ramen, I’ll use the money I didn’t spend on my dinner to buy you yours. You love food just as much as Sousuke does.”

 

Haruka glanced over in confusion as Rin snorted breathily. “Totally a lie. No one is more food motivated than Sousuke. No one. Starved dogs are more civil around a dinner table than he is. He will steal the tonkatsu right off your chopsticks when it’s only centimeters away from your mouth. No one out eats Sousuke, either. You could feed an entire small village with the amount of food he consumes in a 24 hour period.”

 

“Care to repeat that to my face, Rin?” a smooth voice questioned from the doorframe, Rin’s eyes widening in surprise.

 

“O-Oi, what are you doing here already, Sousuke?”

 

“Picking you up like always? Your meeting time’s already over,” Sousuke explained, pointing at his watch.

 

“O-Oh! He’s right! It’s already been 45 minutes! I have another meeting in 15, I have to go,” Aiichirou gasped, hopping to his feet and slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “It was nice to see you, Sousuke-senpai! Nice meeting you, Haru-senpai!” Aiichirou chirped as he darted around Sousuke’s large frame, disappearing down the hallway.

 

“Man, time sure does fly when you’re having fun. I should probably get going too, though. Got a bunch of stuff to do tomorrow morning,” Aki sighed, climbing miserably to her feet and reaching for her backpack. “You coming, Chigusa?”

 

“Definitely!”

 

Both women began to put the chairs back in their places, moving the desks back around as well.

 

“You two want us to take you back to your places?” Takuya offered, rising to his feet as well, grabbing both his own backpack and Kazuki’s as he joined them.

 

“Sure, if it’s not an inconvenience. I can tell you all about the romantic comedy we’re seeing this weekend!”

 

“Oh goody,” Kazuki sighed, yelping when toes connected with his shin. “Jeez! You’re mean, Aki,” he grumbled as the foursome put all the chairs back into their place.

 

“That’s what you get for insulting my good taste. Now come on, guys. See you next week, Rin, Amakata-sensei! It was nice meeting you as well, Haru!” Aki waved, the other three copying her movement before all four disappeared from the room.

 

“There are a bunch of leftover scones with your name on them, Sousuke,” Rin pointed out, gesturing towards the back table, snorting at the small, pleased smile that settled on Sousuke’s face as he ambled over to the table of goods. “How was it, anyways? Not too too bad, right?” Rin questioned, gaze drifting from Sousuke to Haruka.

 

“Hm?” Haruka blinked, glancing up at Rin, still trying to come to terms with the last 45 minutes of his life.

 

“Your first meeting. How was it?”

 

“Oh. Different. Not what I was expecting, really,” Haruka shrugged, not really sure what else to add as he idly opened and then closed his water bottle. When Makoto had bugged him to seek help, to attend some type of therapy, he’d assumed he’d be surrounded by a group full of messed up, emotional wrecks struggling to handle their individual traumas. Strangers who came solely for a place to vent, to talk, before returning to their own personal lives. He hadn’t really been prepared for, well… this. For people who were actually _friends_.

 

“Tell me about it. First time I came I thought it was going to be awful. Lots of crying, competing for ‘my trauma’s worse than your trauma,’ really impersonal and demanding and just really rough. But that’s really not what this place is about, you know? Recovery’s a long and hard process, especially when you’re trying to do it alone. But it really helps to have a group of friends who know what you’ve been through, who’ve been there themselves. Who get it and don’t judge you and don’t pressure you to talk, though if you need to they’ll always be there to listen and help as well.”

 

“Ou shound ‘ike 'er pamphs.”

 

“Oi! Sousuke, don’t talk with your mouth full, you slob,” Rin groused. “And I do _not_ sound like my pamphlets. Also, stop eavesdropping on my conversation.” Rin paused before adding an affectionate “asshole” to the end of his statement.

 

“Psh, not like you’re being subtle about it. You’re the ones talking near the scones.”

 

“Oh whatever, just take your scones and go wait outside,” Rin ordered. With a soft sigh Sousuke grabbed one of the remaining bottles of water and the entire box of scones, wandering back out of the room to wait patiently in the hallway. 

 

“Sorry about that,” Rin sighed, hand rubbing idly at the nape of his neck. “Anyways, I guess I’m just saying that I hope you stick around, okay? This group’s really helped me, and I think it could really help you, too. I mean… not that I really know you to know for sure that it’ll help you, seeing as we just met, but just…” Rin swallowed hard, eyes darting to the hallway and then back to Haruka. “Just yeah,” he finished awkwardly.

 

“Rin?” Amakata said quietly, waiting for Rin to meet her eyes before gesturing silently towards the table.

 

“Oh, right!” Rin hopped to his feet, wandering over to the serving table to grab one of the pamphlets he’d dumped there earlier, returning and offering it to Haruka.

 

Haruka took the paper in his hand, glancing at the cheery stock paper with bold, printed letters on it, cherry blossoms emblazoned across the header.

 

“You don’t have to take it, really, or even use it, but we have these checklists. It’s a list of accomplishments for survivors. Mostly just guidelines, I guess, sort of a way to measure your own growth and acceptance and such. Thirteen goals to help you put your trauma behind you, I guess? We don’t really keep tabs on them or anything, it’s not like you have to turn in a weekly report card or something, just…”

 

“Is yours finished?” Haruka asked quietly, glancing up from the paper to meet confused reds with steadfast blues.

 

“You mean my checklist?” Rin repeated, earning a small nod from Haruka. “O-Oh. Ah, no, not really. I have one of course, I’m just… not quite there yet.” Rin forced an awkward smile on his face, an obvious, ill-placed attempt at comfort.

 

“I’ll get there, though! Anyways, I can’t keep Sousuke waiting, I lost a bet with him last night so I owe him dinner tonight. I’ll be lucky if I have enough money left over after tonight for this month’s rent,” Rin bemoaned. “I’ll… see you next week though, right Haru?”

 

Haruka wanted to say no. He wanted to never step foot back into this room full of weirdos, wanted his Wednesday evenings back, wanted those extra few hours of bath time, wanted the mackerel filet waiting for him in his fridge, wanted everything to _just be okay again_. But those eyes, those oddly familiar, painfully earnest eyes locked him in place and he could do nothing but nod.

 

“Great!” Rin beamed, slipping his chair back into its rightful place before grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder with a grin. “Bye Amakata-sensei! Bye, Haru!”

 

“Goodbye, Rin,” Haruka managed to get out as Rin disappeared into the hallway, meeting Sousuke with amused laughter, their voices echoing for a few moments before disappearing for good.

 

Haruka sighed quietly, slinging his own backpack over his shoulder, eyes drifting down to the paper Rin had given him, chest anxious and tight.

 

  * **I acknowledge that something terrible happened to me.**
  * **I am beginning to deal with my feelings about the assault.**
  * **I am angry about what was done to me, but recognize that my anger is not a constant part of my feelings. It intrudes on other parts of my life in a negative way.**
  * **I can talk about the assault experience with a counselor or therapist.**
  * **I am beginning to understand my feelings about the assault.**
  * **I can give responsibility to the assault to the person(s) who attacked me. The responsibility is not mine to accept.**
  * **I could not have prevented the assault, and I recognize that I did the best I could to get through it.**
  * **I am comfortable with choices I make for myself.**
  * **I am developing a sense of being at ease with the subject of my assault.**
  * **I recognize that I have a choice about whether or not to forgive my assailant(s).**
  * **I recognize that I have begun to get back control in my life, that the assailant does not have power over me.**
  * **I recognize that I have the right to gain control.**
  * **I am developing a sense of my own self-value and am increasing my self-esteem.**



 

Carefully Haruka slipped the paper into the front pocket of his backpack, slid his chair back into its rightful home, and silently walked out the door.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Brief mentions of paranoia/PTSD, hinted past domestic violence, mentions of mugging/violence (just brushed over in conversation, absolutely nothing graphic), anxiety
> 
> By the way, what Haru attended is a student organization versus a non-profit or whatnot, which explains the more 'lax' environment. I wasn't able to find much about student support groups at Japanese universities (one day I'll learn Japanese so researching things will be easier!), so I looked at universities around the world for an idea of what kind of support is offered. Most universities seem to have have 'official' support groups that are highly specific, usually only allowing female victims of sexual assault/domestic violence/etc., where meetings are treated like a 'course' where there are 8-10 weeks of meetings. Some of the larger universities also have student-run groups, though, that meet weekly during the school year and offer support for everyone in need, regardless of gender. Obviously I went with that one, because it gave me more wiggle room and allowed me to mix genders. It also let me get away with having an unstructured meeting, heh. 
> 
> ALSO. I felt this pretty important to add. The list Haru was given is an actual list used by a non-profit, non-religiously affiliated recovery group based out of NYC called Safe Horizon (it was the only list I could find from a reputable survivor group- I tried to find something for Japan but I couldn't). Anyways, they help victims of domestic violence, stalking, sexual violence, human trafficking, violent crimes and teenage homelessness, and they have a 24-7 hotline for anyone in the US that might need support services, as well as email services for those who are too anxious to speak on the phone. 
> 
> For anyone international who may be looking for abuse survivor support, there's a fantastic website called hotpeachpages.net. I know it sounds super random/weird, but I assume it's a cover website for those who might still be under the influence of their abuser. Anyways, it list organizations for basically every country, in all different languages.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I have no excuse for this taking as long as it did other than clearly I was pounding out two 10k+ fics for event weeks aaaaand I totally forgot to post this. Not that it's really a good excuse but it did eat up a lot of my time, I swear! WHICH ALSO HEADS UP, is honestly probably going to happen again because rh week is coming up next month (EVERYONE PARTICIPATE IF YOU CAN IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME!!), and there's a rh mook event at the end of this month as well. But I swear I'll try to get a chapter out in between them, because the next chapter's when things really start looking up and Rin and Haru start really hanging out, so I'd rather get it up sooner rather than later!

 

 “Oi, Haru! You’re here early today!”

 

Against his better judgment, Haruka had decided to keep his promise to Rin, and though he’d desperately wanted to just go home and eat a nice fillet of mackerel, instead he’d nervously found himself wandering back into the empty classroom that doubled as a meeting room. The moment he heard Rin's voice he could feel his belly flutter and his nerves begin to abate, immediately wanting to kick himself for having the audacity to have, well, whatever the hell this kind of reaction was to a near-stranger saying his name.

 

“I finished up early,” Haruka responded calmly, wandering over to carefully set his backpack next to his (apparently now regular) seat.

 

“Oooh, okay. Yeah, I didn’t have to hit up the bakery or printers today, so I’m actually on time this go around,” Rin laughed, carefully setting up a serving area on the room’s back table. “We got mini sandwiches this time. Little more filling than the scones, I think.”

 

Haruka glanced over, watching momentarily as Rin fussed over the food, separated them all out by meat and cheese type so they’d be easier for the others to pick through. Without thinking, Haruka moved to join Rin, standing quietly behind the redhead, watching him count out napkins and grab a box of silverware from one of his bags. “Those are spoons,” Haruka pointed out idly, blinking when Rin gasped, jumping up and jerking his head to the side, staring at Haruka with wild eyes.

 

“Shit, don’t sneak up on me like that!” Rin snapped, breath hastened as he turned his attention back on the utensils.

 

“Sorry,” Haruka frowned awkwardly, taking a step back, realizing in hindsight that maybe getting all up in the space of someone he barely knew was a bad idea. Especially at a recovery meeting.

 

Even if said stranger made his stomach roll in a way it never had before.

 

“It’s fine,” Rin dismissed him with a wave, adrenaline clearly wearing off as he examined the container of utensils. “Damnit you’re right. How did I grab a bunch of spoons? Ugh, well, whatever. Sandwiches are finger foods anyways,” he grumbled, putting the finishing touch on his mini display before turning his attention back to Haruka. “You know, I had a question for you.”

 

Haruka stared at Rin, silently imploring him to continue.

 

“Erm, okay. Well… I guess it’s kind of weird, but are you a swimmer by any chance? I don’t mean to be creepy or anything, you just… you smell like chlorine so I was curious,” Rin finished awkwardly, face flushing uncontrollably as he rubbed at the back of his neck.

 

“Were you sniffing me?” Haruka asked, voice deadpanned despite his amusement over Rin’s inquiry.

 

“N-no! I mean yes, but not on purpose, jeez! I just have a really good nose and, and _someone_ decided to sneak up behind me and be like, right there and, and-“

 

“Yes, I’m a swimmer.”

 

“So you know the other three, then?”

 

“Mm, not really. I don’t pay much attention to anyone else when I’m in the water.”

 

“Oh. I bet you’re good, though.”

 

Haruka shrugged, not really wanting to go into details about the quality of his swimming. His times had plummeted within the last few weeks and he really had nothing to brag about, even if a small, odd part of him wanted to see Rin amazed. “I’m okay,” he finally said, stepping around Rin to grab one of the water bottles set out on the table.

 

“Okay is what talented people say when they want to seem modest,” Rin teased gently, grabbing a water bottle of his own before retreating back to his chair. “So what’s your specialty, anyways?”

 

“I only swim free,” Haruka mumbled, following after Rin, sliding into his own seat and opening the cap on his water bottle, taking a swig.

 

“Free’s pretty fun. I prefer the power of fly, though,” Rin mused, attention drifting to the doorway as Aiichirou came wandering in, pausing to stare at Haruka in surprise.

 

“Haru-senpai! You came back!” Aiichirou smiled warmly, scurrying over to his seat to drop off his book bag.

 

“Guess he must have missed me or something,” Rin joked, earning an amused snort from Haruka. “There are a bunch of sandwiches on the table, Ai, so feel free to help yourself. I know you have another meeting after this, so might be awhile before you get to eat.”

 

“Oh, thank you Rin-senpai!”

 

For a moment the duo sat in silence, each quietly nursing their drinks as the other students began to slowly filter in. Haruka let his attention briefly drift to the newcomers, giving curt nods in response to their greetings, all the while attempting to keep his eyes off Rin. This was stupid, wasn’t it? The guy was a virtual stranger, so why was it so hard to keep his gaze from lingering, to keep himself from looking for that unusual, toothy grin?

 

“So how was your movie, anyways?”

 

Haruka glanced up immediately at the sound of Rin’s voice, blinking in confusion until he realized the question was addressed at Aki, not himself.

 

“It was fantastic, don’t let Kazuki tell you otherwise.”

 

“Oh psh, Aki’s just a bias fangirl because the lead actor was hot. It was awful.”

 

“Was not!”

 

“Totally was.”

 

“You’re just bitter because I, of course, beat you in horse.”

 

“You cheated!”

 

“I absolutely did not! You’re just trying to pull the cheated card because I emasculated you by kicking your ass in a sport all about height.”

 

“Will you two _please_ stop fighting for once?” Takuya sighed, thumbs rubbing idly at his temples. “It’s bad enough I had to spend my evening reffing you two while you played basketball about as well as two five-year-olds, but I didn’t even get any ramen out of the deal because Kazuki lost.”

 

“Oh calm down about the ramen, I promised you I’d buy you some after I get paid on Friday,” Kazuki grumbled.

 

“Oi, I’m sorry they’re so loud. They really _are_ like a pair of out of control five-year-olds when they’re together,” Rin laughed quietly, glancing over at Haruka in exasperated amusement.

 

Haruka blinked in surprise at being addressed, attention shifting back to Rin. “I don’t mind.”

 

“Really? You seem so quiet, figured it might be a bit headache inducing,” Rin mused quietly, taking another sip of his water bottle, foot tapping idly on the ground.

 

“Mmm, my friends are noisy. I’m used to it.”

 

“Your friends?” Rin asked in surprise, earning a mildly insulted side-eye from Haruka. “I mean! I didn’t mean it that way, jeez. Of course you have friends. You just haven’t mentioned them before, so I was kind of surprised. Though I guess we only just met, so why would you be telling me about your friends…” Rin rambled, free hand drifting to the back of his neck for another idle rub of his nape. Haruka watched the motion in mild amusement, trying to figure out if the gesture was a sign of nervousness or awkwardness. Maybe both. 

 

“We were on the swim team together in highschool.”

 

“Hm?” Rin questioned, head tilting slightly as he eyed Haruka in intrigue.

 

“My friends. They’re all swimmers. Or were, anyways,” Haruka continued with a small shrug.

 

“Oh. Well that makes sense, seems like swimmers are really good at flocking together. Sousuke used to swim, too. At least till he got injured. Now he’s studying physiotherapy. Wants to keep kids from screwing up and overtraining like he did…” Rin continued idly, once again taking a small sip of his water.

 

“Is that why you like fly?” Haruka questioned, toying with the lid of his drink. “He’s built for fly,” he added after another short moment.

 

“Mmm, kind of. There’s more to it than that, though.”

 

Haruka blinked slowly, imploring gaze shifting back to Rin, watching those unusually sharp teeth nibble idly on that plump, rosy lower lip.

 

“Sorry I’m a few minutes late guys, exams ran over!” Amakata broke in, jarring Haru out of his distracted conversation with Rin, blue eyes drifting to the harried young professor. “Anyways, let’s get started, everyone!”

 

\--

 

Friday nights were movie nights at Makoto’s, and while Haruka really, _really_ didn’t feel like going this go around (or the last five or so weeks, honestly), he was fully aware that bailing on Makoto was an invitation for being mom-ed. He’d learned long ago that it was so much easier to just show up, ignore the movie, then take his leave once he’d satisfied Makoto’s need to make sure he was ‘doing okay.’ They’d ordered take-out and settled in together, Makoto huddled up in a corner of the couch, knees dragged in towards his chest, Haruka situated on the other side, sketchbook settled atop his thighs as _Finding Nemo_ played quietly in the background.

 

“Ah, are you expecting a call, Haru?”

 

“Hm?” Haruka blinked, glancing over at his best friend.

 

“You keep checking your phone. I’m surprised you even have it on you, honestly,” Makoto smiled softly, tilting his head towards the cell phone lying on the couch cushion between them.

 

_“Is that awkward? Should I not have asked? Just… I have everyone else’s numbers. I mean I won’t call you unless you want me to, obviously. And if I text it’d just be because a meeting got cancelled or changed or… whatever. But you’ll have mine, too. Just in case you ever need anything.”_

“I’m not,” Haruka clarified, attention drifting back to his sketchpad, grip tightening on his pencil as he resumed his careful, precise strokes.

“Mmm, alright.”

 

Haruka was grateful for Makoto’s willingness to let the question go and instead focus his attention back on the movie. Honestly, Haruka didn’t know what he’d do without Makoto. Over the years they’d struggled on and off, with his own desire for solitude and Makoto’s uncontrollable need to be needed causing a silent clash between them. But they’d survived high school and graduated onto university, both settling on schools in Tokyo, separate but still close enough, Makoto pursuing a coaching career while Haruka had decided on the only thing that would let him maintain his intimate relationship with the water. He was aware that his motives were unusual, that his disinterest in medals and success went against the desires of every other athlete around him. Yet for Haruka, all that mattered was being allowed to spend more waking hours than not in the welcoming, comforting embrace of the water.

 

Even if the last few weeks had left even the water unable to help him.

 

He let his attention waver from his sketch just in time to catch a glimpse of a grinning Bruce on screen, blue eyes narrowing in on those sharp shark teeth. Shaking his head slightly to himself he glanced back down at his mindless doodle, blinking slowly as he finally began to notice just what, or who, his sketch was becoming.

 

Carefully Haruka closed his sketchpad, setting it down along the edge of the coffee table, rising to his feet before glancing over at Makoto. “Do you want a drink?”

 

“Uhm, sure. Just a glass of water, though.”

 

Haruka nodded slowly, walking behind the couch before disappearing into the small kitchen. Once out of Makoto’s sightline he braced both arms heavily against the sink, forcing himself to take a slow, calming breath. This was absolutely ridiculous. He’d known Rin for barely more than a week. They’d spoken all of a handful of times. He knew virtually nothing about the redhead outside of his name, his apparently penchant for hats, and that he was the sole owner of the most musical laugh Haruka had ever heard in his life. Haruka wasn’t blind, of _course_ Rin was attractive, but never before had he felt anything beyond the basic, artistic appreciation for aesthetic beauty. Plenty of people were attractive.

 

So why was it just Rin that he’d taken to subconsciously doodling? He was 22-years-old and never in his life had he felt even a remote attraction towards another human being, male or female. The most action he’d ever had had been with his own hand, and he had the water to thank for that desire moreso than anything else.

 

Had… had being raped somehow awakened some latent, repressed sexuality he wasn’t even aware he had in him?

 

No.

 

_No_. That was stupid. That line of thinking was just as dumb as his impromptu attraction towards a stranger. He couldn’t let himself fall down that rabbit hole. What happened hadn’t been his choice. He hadn't deserved  _any_ of this.

 

Rin was a coincidence, nothing more.

 

This was all so ridiculous. It was too much. Overwhelming. _Terrifying_. All he wanted to do was disappear back to his own apartment and climb into the comfort of his precious bathtub.

 

“Haru?” Makoto called gently from the living room, knocking Haruka out of his reverie. Forced back on track he shakily grabbed two glasses from the cupboard, quickly filling both with water and taking a slow, deep breath before returning to join his best friend.

 

He dipped around the side of the coffee table, one hand holding out Makoto’s drink to him, other keeping a firm grip on his own glass, knee unintentionally nudging the edge of his sketchbook, knocking it to the floor with a thunk.

 

Instinctively Makoto sat up, leaning over the edge of the couch with a quick “I’ll get that,” grabbing at the scatter of papers that had dispersed under the table.

 

Haruka stared for a moment before setting down both glasses amongst the mess of take-out boxes they’d left scattered over the table’s surface, quietly taking his seat and waiting patiently for Makoto to hand him his book back.

 

“…Haru?” Makoto questioned softly, one slip of paper held gingerly between thick fingers, eyes unwavering on the page.

 

Haruka couldn’t help the small blush splayed across his cheeks, thankfully obscured by the darkness of the living room as he glanced over at Makoto. Of course. Of course it’d take Makoto less than a day to figure out that Haruka had a stupid little crush or… whatever these dumb feelings were. Of course Makoto would stumble upon his idiot fanboy drawings. He didn’t even have to tell Makoto these things; Makoto somehow summoned knowledge about his friends to himself without even trying. He had this weird gift, this ability to not actively seek information but manage to get it, anyways. At the very least he wouldn’t recognize who Rin was.

 

“I… I didn’t realize. And some are already checked off, even. That’s great, Haru,” Makoto smiled softly, warm green eyes settling on Haruka as he placed that paper atop the disorganized sketchbook, handing the bundle back to its owner.

 

Haruka’s eyes shifted downwards, eyes fixed on that bright, cherry blossom covered paper.

 

Oh.

 

Unconsciously his grip tightened on his book, head tilting away from Makoto, attention suddenly falling on one of Makoto’s potted plants he had decorating his living room.

 

“It’s okay, Haru. I’m not upset you didn’t tell me. I’m just… really happy. Is this why you disappeared on Wednesday?”

 

“Yeah...” Haruka replied quietly, oddly reassured by Makoto’s admission of happiness. At least he wasn’t upset. Haruka knew how much Makoto blamed himself for everything that had happened, and while he wasn’t entirely sure why he hadn’t told Makoto what he’d been up to lately, it was comforting to know that his best friend was content just to know that Haruka had followed his advice. That he’d finally begun to seek help.

 

“That’s good, then,” Makoto nodded, shifting in his seat and carefully pulling his knees back up to his chest, eyes drawn back to the movie screen.

 

Haruka wanted to tell Makoto that it was all okay. That he didn’t blame him for what had happened, that Makoto had to stop feeling guilty over everything. Yet the words didn’t come, still caught up in Haruka’s throat as shaky fingers ran gently over the surface of that checklist. He needed to forgive Makoto, he _wanted_ to, and yet the words… somehow he couldn’t. Maybe because it’d mean truly acknowledging what had happened, or maybe some subconscious part of him was still working towards the forgiveness that he logically knew he had to give. Either way, the words stayed buried as he reached for his glass of water, using it to swallow down the uncomfortable lump in his throat.

 

Eventually he’d get there. Time healed all wounds, right?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: begins of an anxiety attack


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm STILL slowly working on my stuff for rhweek (I AM SO LATE I KNOW), so I figured I might as well quickly edit and post this chapter because at least it's SOMETHING until I finally get my ass into gear and finish my stuff for the week. Also, no TWs this chapter!

 

 

To Haruka’s surprise, Obon week and no meeting had left him surprisingly… frustrated. Seeing the Tachibanas had of course been welcomed, as well as spending more than a day or two per week with Makoto (living away from one another and attending different universities had limited the amount of time they could reasonably spend together, despite both living in Tokyo), but the Wednesday of the holiday week had left him both antsy and irritable. It had felt wrong to be in Iwatobi rather than Tokyo, to spend a Wednesday without seeing those increasingly familiar faces. Haruka had always hated when his schedule deviated from its norm, and now that the meetings had become part of his routine, their absence was both notable and annoying. Even with Ran and Ren running amuck, it was all almost… too quiet.

 

No, quiet wasn’t the right word.

 

More lonely. Isolated.  Not that he ever really spoke at the meetings, at least not about what had happened, but just being around those that knew _something_ had happened was oddly reassuring. To know that everyone knew and no one cared. No one judged him, no one tip-toed around him or viewed him as a ticking time bomb. Most of all, no one pitied him. No one blamed themselves.

 

In that classroom he was surprisingly free.

 

And now, a week away (two between meetings) had left him frustrated and irritable. Even a return to swim practice hadn’t ameliorated his mood, and he’d ended up spending the better part of practice being berated by his coach for his continual underperformance.

 

_“You have all the talent in the world, Nanase, and yet you’re turning in some of the shittiest times on this team. What the hell is wrong with you? You’re wasting both our time at this rate. What happened?”_

He’d stood there in silence, staring off at the pool until his coach had given up on him, taking the freedom as his cue to head back up to the starting block, sliding his cap and goggles on before diving into the water.

 

Swimming was supposed to be comfortable. Relaxing. And yet it felt like a lifetime had passed since the last time he’d felt the soothing embrace of the water. Now it was just choking. Suffocating. It felt like hands were reaching out to him, grabbing him, dragging him down. Caressing and invading and violating him over and over again.

 

When would this feeling finally go away? Would it ever?

 

“Haru?”

 

Haruka decelerated as he approached the wall, refraining from kick flipping as he reached the end of his lane, stopping to rest an elbow along the edge of the pool as he used his other to carefully tug off his goggles. “Aki?”

 

“Hi! Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your training, it’s just… this is just about the first time all day that you’ve been away from your coach.”

 

“Ah, yeah,” Haruka mumbled quietly, glancing away from the woman squatting on the poolside before him.

 

“Anyway! I guess I could have just waited till Wednesday, but I’m too excited and only Rin has your number so I couldn’t text you and I knew you’d be here so… here we are! I guess every year the group’s done a beach barbeque trip right after the summer season ends, usually the first weekend in September. Beaches are so much less crowded by then but it’s still super warm. Do you think you’d be game for something like that?”

 

Haruka paused for a moment, glancing around the natatorium for a brief, distracted moment. Was he really ready to go out into public with these people? They weren’t really friends, exactly, and depending on which beach they were planning to go to, it could be a rather long train ride…

 

“Maybe,” he finally mumbled out, setting his goggles on the pool’s edge before removing his cap as well.

 

“Aww, just a maybe? Well, better than a no I guess! Oh! Also. Me, Kazuki and Takuya are going to go see a movie together after practice tomorrow. You wanna come with?”

 

Haruka blinked in surprise, suddenly feeling extremely put on the spot. A group trip was one thing. While he wasn’t sure on it regardless, it was clear even to himself that over the last six weeks he’d become a member of that recovery group, just like everyone else. If the group was going to plan an event, he expected to be invited whether he wanted to go or not. But this? This was different. Did they feel obligated to include him now solely because they’d realized that he was on their swim team, too?

 

He didn’t like going out much as it was, especially not because of some ill-placed sense of pity…

 

“Don’t feel like you have to or anything! I just figured I’d offer. If the three of us are too much to handle alone I could always invite Rin, too?” Aki added thoughtfully.

 

“…Rin?” Haruka echoed, feeling stupid the second that name came out.

 

“Why not? I can go ask him,” she grinned, climbing to her feet.

 

“Right now?”

 

“Well sure, he’s up in the stands,” she laughed, gesturing towards the stands.

 

Haruka’s eyes followed her point, immediately settling on the familiar, slightly hunched form of Rin. Despite their distance and the fact that his distinctive, flame-red hair was covered by a ball cap, there was no mistaking who the figure up in the stands was.

 

Had Rin been watching him the entire time?

 

“I’m not really sure why he’s here, honestly. He’s never come to watch practice before. I thought he didn’t like being around the pool, really. But either way he’s here. Want me to go ask?”

 

Haruka froze in place, staring at Rin until the redhead looked in his direction, immediately jerking his own gaze away and towards Aki, slowly opening his mouth to try to choke out some semblance of a response.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll go check with him,” Aki giggled assuredly, giving Haruka a quick wave before disappearing off towards the stands.

 

Left alone, Haruka finally dragged himself out of the water, careful to grab both goggles and cap as he wandered off to grab his towel, giving himself a quick pat down before wrapping it around his shoulders. Had Aki said that Rin didn’t like being around the pool? But hadn’t Rin been talking a few weeks about Sousuke swimming? About how free was fun but fly was better? Maybe he only liked watching swimming or something…

 

“He said yes!”

 

Haruka shook himself out of his distracted fog, glancing at Aki and nodding slowly. So they were all going to a movie, then?

 

“Okay, great! So after practice we’ll go grab dinner before heading to the movie.  This’ll be so much fun!” Aki grinned. “Anyways, I better get back to work. See you tomorrow, Haru! Oh, and I hope you had a really great holiday!”

 

“Ah, you too, Aki,” Haruka responded quietly, offering a small wave before she disappeared back to her own team. Haruka stood for a moment by himself, wrapping the towel tighter around his shoulder before taking a deep, slow breath and, on a whim, turning on his heels. Giving himself no time for hesitation, he headed towards the stands, eyes locked on Rin.

 

“O-Oi, Haru, hey!” Rin called out awkwardly as soon as he realized Haruka was coming towards him, making a point of sliding over a bit to open up a seat for the swimmer.

 

“Why are you here?” Haruka asked once he’d reached Rin, somewhat surprised when Rin scooted over, though he took the emptied, pleasantly pre-warmed seat regardless.

 

“Well it’s not like practices are closed,” Rin grumbled defensively, hand tugging on the bill of his cap. “I guess I was mostly just curious,” Rin added awkwardly, fingers drifting to catch a wayward strand of red, quickly tucking it away under the cap. “You’re a dirty liar, by the way.”

 

Haruka hackled at the accusation, blue eyes locking on red. How the hell was he a liar? He hadn’t even _said_ anything to Rin outside of a simple question.

 

“Okay my ass. Told you okay is what talented people say to try to make themselves seem modest,” Rin finished, snorting in amusement.

 

“My times are terrible,” Haruka argued quietly, attention drifting to the pool, watching his teammates swim laps around the pool. “I’m sure you saw my coach.”

 

“I’m not talking about times, Haru. Nothing trumps hard work, obviously, but you’d have to be blind not to realize the kind of talent you have. If this is your terrible I’d hate to see your best. Actually that’s a lie, I’d love to see your best. I bet you could crush so many records,” Rin hummed thoughtfully to himself.

 

Haruka opened his mouth to respond but eventually decided against it, falling into a comfortable silence for a moment before finally speaking once more. “Aki said you don’t like being around the pool.”

 

Rin’s attention returned to Haruka, head tilting slightly to the side in surprise. “Hm? She said that?”

 

“Yeah,” Haruka affirmed, fingers toying along a frayed corner of his towel.

 

“I wonder where she got that idea. Well, it’s not true regardless. I haven’t been to a natatorium in quite a few years, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the pool. Just hasn’t really happened for me.”

 

Haruka frowned lightly at Rin’s words, debating whether to say something or not. In the end he decided against it, instead letting the pair of them lull back into that surprisingly comfortable silence. It was almost scary how easy it was to fall into a calm, peaceful quiet with Rin. It was something he’d only ever really experienced with his grandmother and Makoto, and the idea of someone he barely knew putting him at ease like this was both terrifying and… surprisingly pleasant. “How’s Ai?” Haruka finally asked.

 

“Ai?” Rin blinked in confusion, eyes widening as the question clicked in his mind. “Oh! Ai! He’s good. He came home with me and Sousuke for the holiday. Mom was super excited to have extra people around. She’s the kind of mom who adopts all her kids’ friends, you know? Plus my sister was there, so it was a full house. Anyways, he got to safely see his mom, no problem.”

 

For a short moment Haruka let his mind flick to his own mother, mentally calculating how long it’d been since he’d even heard from either of his parents.

 

Three months? Maybe four? He’d tried calling them over the holiday like usual but they’d been out of the country. At least he’d had the Tachibanas. Despite the lack of his own parents being around, he’d gotten to go home for the holidays as well.

 

“How was your holiday, Haru?”

 

Haruka looked up in surprise, having not really expected Rin to return the favor. “It was nice. I stayed with Makoto’s family.”

 

“Makoto?” Rin questioned, head tilting imploringly.

 

“My best friend,” Haruka hummed quietly, eyes drifting back to the water and then to Rin, watching another wayward lock of red fall into those red eyes. It took everything Haruka had in him not to reach over and tuck that hair back under that cap.

 

“Does he… know that you attend our meetings? Or she, maybe,” Rin added awkwardly, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

 

Haruka frowned lightly, not entirely sure why Rin thought that question was really appropriate, but despite the irritation he nodded curtly, eyes content to look anywhere but at Rin.

 

“Oh! Shit, sorry, that’s so inappropriate, I shouldn’t have… I just…” Rin flustered, quickly devolving into an awkward, apologetic, rambling mess. “I just, we have this barbeque every year down at the beach, and I mean you aren’t required to come or anything, obviously, it’s just for fun and we have a lot of swimmers this year so the beach seems especially promising. But like, even though it’s mainly for people that attend meetings, sometimes people bring friends along and stuff, so long as all the other members are okay with the friend coming along since confidentiality and such and just… Sousuke, he always comes with me and I just thought that maybe your Makoto might want to come, too. If they want to. I mean if _you_ want to, even, since you don’t have to… shit…”

 

Haruka sat silently for a moment, lips pursed as he struggled to force down the small smile that desperately wanted to make it onto his face.

 

“I’ll ask him,” Haruka finally offered, licking his lips as he forced that smile away.

 

“O-okay! Good. Ugh, I’m so stupid. I’m really sorry I even-“

 

“It’s fine, Rin,” Haruka interjected, content to shut down Rin’s unnecessary self-deprecation.

 

“A-Alright,” Rin nodded, fingers rubbing idly along the nape of his neck. “I should probably get going, though. Sousuke’s going to freak out if I’m not where I told him I’d be. That guy worries too much…” Rin trailed off with a slight shake of his head, glancing over at Haruka. “But I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

 

Haruka nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

 

Was it stupid that he was genuinely, well, excited?

 

\--

 

“So where are we getting dinner, anyways?” Kazuki questioned, lollygagging alongside Takuya.

 

“Rin says he knows a great burger joint!” Aki grinned, glancing back at the two men walking behind her.

 

“Yeah. My friend from elementary school, his parents owned a burger joint back home. Well, they still do. Anyways, it got really popular so they opened another restaurant out here in Tokyo. I haven’t had a good burger in a long time, plus I haven’t seen my friend in a while so it seemed like as good a place as any. Is that okay with everyone?”

 

“Fine by me! I love a good burger,” Aki laughed, glancing around at the others.

 

“I haven’t had a burger in forever, either. And Takuya eats everything,” Kazuki added.

 

“I _do_ like burgers…” Takuya mumbled, trailing off into a quiet conversation with Kazuki about the last time they’d gotten burgers together.

 

“Mmm, what about you, Haru?”

 

Haruka glanced up at Rin, somewhat surprised at being addressed. Did it really matter? Everyone else was clearly on board. “I don’t eat much meat…” he shrugged, hands burying in the pocket of his unusually well-fitted jeans. For the first time in a long, long time, he’d put actual thought into his outfit. Hell, it was embarrassing, but he’d even resorted to texting Makoto a picture to make sure that his clothing choices were good. Despite best friend approval, however, he still felt underdressed walking alongside Rin. It was hard to avoid looking at those form-fitted black skinny jeans and the way they hugged the curves of that a-

 

“You’re not a vegetarian, are you? I could come up with another place, though I think they have some vegetarian burgers if you’re into that kind of thing.”

 

“Hm?” Haruka grunted, blinking for a moment before his mind caught up to Rin’s words. “Oh, no. I just usually eat fish,” he shrugged, forcing his eyes away from Rin and back onto the sidewalk.

 

“Oh! That works, then. One of their most famous burgers is a salmon burger. I usually don’t eat a ton of fish but even I love it. It’s delicious,” Rin grinned. “Anyways guys, it’s on the next street. Close to the theater, too.”

 

Another few minutes and they were sliding into a small burger joint decorated in bright red, black and white checkered tiles covering the ground, booths lining the walls, stuffed full of groups of university students. It was certainly very… American looking.

 

“Welcome to Annie’s! Will it just be five toni- Rinrin!?” the host squealed excitably.

 

Haruka glanced up from the fish tank flanking the front register, staring at the young host. Pinkish hair? Who in their right mind actually had pink ha- oh. Oh _god_.

 

“Haru!? Is that really you, Haru?”

 

_Shitshitshitshitshit._

 

“…You know Haru?” Rin questioned, amusement lacing his voice as Haruka did his best to look anywhere but at pink haired fluffball before him. Hello, fish.

 

“Of course! We went to middle school together. I had no idea you two knew each other! What a small, small world!”

 

“We just met a couple weeks ago. I had no idea. Are you from Iwatobi too, then?” Rin questioned, glancing over at Haruka who was still attempting to carry on a very riveting, telepathic conversation with the school of small, brightly colored fish.

 

“Obviously,” Haruka grunted irritably, sighing when Kisumi wandered over to sling an affectionate arm over his shoulder. It took all of a millisecond for him to smack that arm away, attention still on the tank.

 

“Well you’re as friendly as ever I see!” Kisumi laughed, heading back to Rin, meeting Rin’s amused fist bump with his own before grabbing five menus. “Anyways, let me get you guys seated! We have plenty of time to catch up,” Kisumi smiled, ushering them over to one of those shiny booths, waiting until everyone was comfortably seated before passing out menus. “Drinks are on the back page. Today’s special is a mahi-mahi burger with a side of fries and coleslaw. Why don’t I go get you all some water while you check things out?”

 

“Thanks, Kisumi,” Rin smiled, not even bothering with going through the menu, instead turning to eye the group around him as Kisumi disappeared from sight. “Sorry, Haru. I had no idea you two knew each other.”

 

“It’s fine,” Haruka shrugged, flipping open his menu and glancing over at the seafood burgers. Was there anything remotely Japanese on this menu? Well, at least Rin has vouched for the salmon burger… Oh, mackerel! A burger with mackerel in it. How did that even work? Did they know he’d be coming or something? But then again, Rin had been pretty enthusiastic about the salmon. Hm.

 

_“Did I hear Kissy say Rinrin?”_

_“Ah! Mrs. Shigino! How are you doing? I didn’t realize you were in town.”_

 

English?

 

Haruka blinked slowly, confused for a moment as he looked up from his menu, finally realizing that a curvy, fair-skinned, equally rosy-haired woman had come to a stop at the edge of their booth, huge smile curving over her face, cheeks dimpled with joy.

 

_“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Annie, Rin? You’re not a child anymore, Annie is fine.”_

_“I know, I know, just…”_ Rin mumbled awkwardly.

 

_“You can take the boy out of Japan but you can’t take Japan out of the boy. I get it,”_ she chuckled, gesturing with both hands for Rin to get out of the booth. Haruka paused for a moment, not entirely sure what was going on because, well, English had never been his strong suit, but a gentle pat on his thigh by Rin was enough to get him moving. Carefully he slid out of the booth, stepping aside for Rin to follow suit, watching in mild amusement as Rin was dragged into a bear of a hug the moment both feet were on the ground. _“Ugh, you look so good, sweetie,”_ she continued, giving Rin another firm, motherly squeeze and a quick kiss on the cheek before reluctantly letting him go. _“And your English is still better than my own son’s, too. How does that even work?”_ she added with a chuckle, earning a grin from Rin.

 

_“Don’t give him the option to use Japanese and he’ll learn,”_ Rin laughed, glancing over at Haruka, mumbling out a quick apology before ducking back into the booth so they could both slide into their seats.

 

_“I should have tried that when he was younger. Now he’s too set in his ways. At least Hayato’s got it figured out. Well, better than Kisumi, anyways,”_ she smiled, shaking her head in faux disappointment at her sons. “Anyways, why don’t I get you guys some homemade chips, on the house? Just let me know if you all need anything or if Kisumi starts slacking and I’ll make sure you’re all taken care of.”

 

“Alright. Thank you, Shigin- ah, Annie.”

 

“Good boy, Rin,” she chuckled before retreating, leaving the table to get back to scouring the menu.

 

“Ahhhh, I love listening to you speak English, Rin. You’re so fluent it’s crazy. And kind of hot,” Aki teased affectionately, snickering as Rin’s face flushed, hand going back to the nape of his neck.

 

“It’s not that impressive…” he mumbled awkwardly, opening the menu to pretend he was looking at it.

 

“Where did you learn?” Haruka questioned quietly, shutting his menu carefully and glancing over at Rin. Rin looked up, mild surprise clear on his face as his eyes met Haruka’s.

 

“Oh, I spent four years in Australia. You get fluent pretty quick when you don’t have any other option,” Rin shrugged uncomfortably. Haruka honestly wanted to press, not because he enjoyed Rin’s discomfort so much as he was just really, _really_ interested in any little tidbit about Rin he could get, but Rin’s body language immediately shot down any plan to keep the conversation going and instead he let silence settle over the table.

 

“I see mom already got to you, Rin! By the way there’s some lipstick on your cheek, might want to work on that,” Kisumi pointed out with a laugh, handing out their glasses of water before snorting in amusement as Rin’s hand immediately went to his cheek, attempting to scrub away any trace of pink. “Wrong cheek,” Kisumi grinned, earning a glare from Rin as he changed his tactic, switching to rubbing at his other cheek, skin flushed in embarrassment. “It’s still not coming off,” Kisumi snickered, trying to hold back his laughter.

 

“Well then stop laughing at me and tell me where it is!” Rin hissed under his breath irritably, glaring at Kisumi.

 

With a roll of his eyes Haruka grabbed his napkin from the table, letting his tongue dart along the cloth’s surface before reaching for Rin’s chin, turning the redhead’s face towards him as he ran the dampened cloth along that pink-marred, flushed cheek like Makoto had done to Haruka approximately one million times throughout their lives.

 

… Except he wasn’t Makoto and he hadn’t known Rin since they were both toddling around in diapers together.

 

Oh.

 

Haruka immediately released Rin’s chin, catching a brief glimpse of Rin’s fingers brushing lightly over the spot where the lipstick had been before turning his attention back to his menu, carefully settling his soiled napkin on the table. “Sorry. I should have used my water instead…” Haruka mumbled, the silence at the table growing almost painfully uncomfortable.

 

“Uh, it’s fine,” Rin dismissed lightly, attempting to play it all off coolly as he turned back to Kisumi. “Anyways, I think we’re ready to order? I’m getting the spicy kimchi burger.”

 

“Of course you are,” Kisumi laughed, rolling his eyes and attempting to help Rin quickly clear the air of awkwardness. “What about you, Haru?”

 

“Salmon burger,” Haruka said as he quietly shut his menu once more, setting it atop Rin’s.

 

“Double bacon burger for me!” Aki grinned, earning a snort from Rin.

 

“I thought you wanted to make it to the Olympics, Aki. Doesn’t exactly sound like an Olympian’s diet to me,” he teased lightly, reaching over the table to grab her menu, shutting it and placing it atop the growing pile.

 

“Oh psh, everyone gets cheat days, even future Olympians!” Aki protested, and Haruka couldn’t help the small smile that played across his face. She sounded so much like Nagisa.

 

“Well, I’m going to get the mahi-mahi burger,” Kazuki smiled, nodding to himself before folding his menu and handing it over to Rin.

 

“And I’ll get the teriyaki chicken burger with extra pineapple,” Takuya added, handing his menu off to Rin as well.

 

“Okay, great! I’ll get all your orders in and I’ll grab your free chips as well,” Kisumi smiled, taking the pile of menus from Rin before disappearing around the corner.

 

“So Rin, which beach were you planning on having the barbeque anyways?” Aki questioned, glancing at the redhead seated across from her. “Zushi?”

 

“Actually I was thinking Hayama,” Rin shrugged.

 

“Really? But it’s an extra like… 20 minute train ride, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, but it’s a lot less crowded.”

 

“But we’re going after the summer season to avoid the crowds anyways, aren’t we? Does it really matter?” Aki asked thoughtfully, smiling when Kisumi dipped back around to drop off the bowl of chips before disappearing once more.

 

“Mm, I guess not. I just figured it’d be more secluded…” Rin shrugged, reaching for one of the chips, quickly popping it into his mouth.

 

“So?” Aki questioned, eyes widening as something suddenly clicked. “Oh! Oh, yeah. I mean Hayama’s fine. I just want to go swimming in the ocean, anyways. Plus your barbeque is awesome. Totally worth an extra 20 minutes.” With a soft smile she grabbed one of the chips herself, popping it into her mouth before carefully pushing the bowl towards the center of the booth so Haruka, Kazuki and Takuya could have better access as well.

 

Haruka glanced between Rin and Aki, conversation apparently ending there, idly wondering if this was how it felt to be the outsider sitting in on a conversation between himself at Makoto. He could get the gist of what was going on, but at the same time he felt like he was missing something very major in this brief discussion.

 

“So, what kind of foods are we all supposed to be bringing, anyways? I can’t cook for shit,” Takuya mumbled awkwardly, earning an affectionate pat on the shoulder from Kazuki.

 

“That’s why you have me. Someone has to keep you from blowing up our kitchen. But yeah, are we just grilling meat and veggies? Are we bringing desserts and such? Maybe some fruit or something?”

 

“Well, I’m not really picky. I figure we’ll skewer a bunch of meat for the grill. Throw some vegetables on, maybe some fruit and stuff…” Rin trailed off with a shrug.

 

“Mackerel?” Haruka added quietly, glancing between the four faces all suddenly on him.

 

“Hm?” Rin hummed, glancing over at Haruka in surprise.

 

“Grilled mackerel,” Haruka repeated, grabbing one of the chips and tentatively biting off a hunk of it. He chewed slowly, nodding to himself as he realized that it was actually rather tasty. 

 

“Uh, sure? Whatever everyone wants is fine,” Rin shrugged.

 

“And pineapple,” Haruka added idly.

 

“Grilled pineapple, too? Sure, why not,” Rin chuckled, reaching for another chip.

 

“What about dessert?” Takuya added idly.

 

“Uhm, we have the grilled fruit. That’s pretty sweet,” Rin offered.

 

“Psh, fruit isn’t dessert, Rin,” Kazuki teased. “Dessert is like, I don’t know, cake or something. Something delicious and sweet and amazing.”

 

Rin scrunched up his nose in response as he popped that chip into his mouth.

 

“I could make something.”

 

Once again all four sets of eyes fell on Haruka, and he had to resist the sudden desire to stuff his mouth full of chips to keep the attention off himself.

 

“You can cook, Haru? Well, bake I guess?” Aki asked, eyes widened in pleasant surprise.

 

“Both,” Haruka clarified. “What do you all like?”

 

“Uhm, well, I love fruit. So does Ai, I think? Like… fruit fillings and stuff. I mean real fruit too, but also in dessert, you know?” Takuya said thoughtfully, grabbing a chip of his own.

 

“Psh, fruit. Chocolate is where it’s at,” Kazuki scoffed.

 

“For maybe the first time ever, I have to go with Kazuki on this one. Chigusa would also be a vote for chocolate, for sure,” Aki added.

 

“Sousuke’ll eat anything. You saw him single handedly demolish the rest of the scones,” Rin snorted in amusement.

 

“And you?” Haruka asked.

 

“Me? I don’t really like sweet stuff much,” Rin shrugged. “It’s fine, though. Don’t worry about me, I’ll have plenty of meat to devour.” 

 

“Sooo, if you’re making dessert, does that mean the maybe from yesterday has turned into a yes?” Aki teased, giggling when Haruka’s face turned irritably away from her. “I’m guessing that would be indeed a yes, then.”

 

Haruka shrugged silently, not really sure what else to say. He supposed she was right, though he still had to ask Makoto if he wanted to go as well. Realistically, there was about a 0% chance of Makoto not wanting to go. Makoto loved people, loved the idea of Haruka making new friends, loved the idea of Haruka actively trying to get help. And if these people were part of his recovery process then so be it, Makoto would support him every step of the way because that was who Makoto was.

 

“It’ll be fun, Haru. You guys can even swim if you’d like. Weather should still be nice. Could maybe bring a volleyball or something to toss around,” Rin smiled, glancing up as Kisumi came around the corner, arms full of a large tray covered in burgers.

 

“How’d you guys like the chips?” Kisumi chirped cheerily, setting the tray down at the empty booth behind them before placing plates in front of the party.

 

“They were really good, Kisumi. I’m bias though, I love your mom’s recipes,” Rin grinned toothily, holding his arms away from the table as Kisumi slid his plate in front of him.

 

“Well she _is_ pretty amazing in the kitchen. Had to spend my entire life playing sports so I wouldn’t end up being fat, you know?” Kisumi joked, sliding Haruka’s plate in front of him before serving the other side of the table. “How’s Makoto doing anyways, Haru?”

 

Haruka glanced down at his burger, surprised by the size and the smell (it smelled _amazing_ ), but the mention of Makoto had his attention back on Kisumi, an irritated frown setting over his face. “He’s fine,” he responded curtly, attention right back on that burger as he waited for Kisumi to finish serving the others and leave.

 

“Is he in Tokyo, too? You should tell him to come by! I’d love to see him again. Maybe I can convince him to play some one-on-one basketball or something.”

 

“Fine.” Haruka opted to go for his glass of water rather than continue discussing his best friend with Kisumi.

 

“Anyways, just let me know if you guys need anything else. I’ll grab a pitcher and get some water refills as well, alright?” Kisumi smiled cheerily, nodding his head politely before leaving once more. Once Kisumi had disappeared Haruka felt his blood pressure beginning to lower once more, refocusing on that salmon burger, stomach rumbling slightly. Carefully taking the monstrosity between his fingers, he raised it to his mouth, taking a small bite, surprised at the pleasant onslaught of taste. _Definitely_ as good as it smelled.

 

“You like it?” Rin asked before taking a bite of his own burger with a smile.

 

“It’s delicious,” Haruka mumbled, somewhat in awe that something that didn’t contain mackerel could taste so good. He’d never had the most diverse palate, but this, as Rin had promised, was phenomenal.

 

“Told you so!” Rin laughed once he’d swallowed his own bite, glancing over at Haruka and then back to his own kimchi burger. “You want to try it?” He offered, holding out his own burger.

 

Haruka stared for a moment, not entirely sure he had any desire to try a spicy burger full of meat, but saying no to Rin was rather difficult. Against his better judgment he nodded, setting down his own burger and instead taking Rin’s, careful to bite off a small piece – _Rin’s lips were just here_ \- before handing it back to his owner.

 

It took all of ten seconds before he realized what a stupid mistake he’d made. “It’s hot…” he choked out pathetically, side-eying Rin when the redhead quickly offered up his glass of water with an amused laugh. “S’not funny…” Haruka grumbled, quickly chugging down half his glass of water, trying to get his lips to stop burning.

 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think it was that spicy. How was I supposed to know what a wuss you are, Haru,” Rin teased, taking another bite of his burger.

 

Haruka leveled Rin with a silent glare before going back to his own burger, hopeful that the creamy sauce might help cut some of the heat from Rin’s kimchi monstrosity.

 

“Come on guys, less flirting, more eating. Our movie starts in like a half hour and we still have to get our tickets and seats,” Aki chided playfully.

 

“Tch, we were _not_ flirting. I’d offer you a bite of my burger too, but I already know you can’t handle spice. Do I need to remind you about the habanero chicken incident?”

 

“Oh that is so not fair! You purposefully took me to a place with the spiciest food you could think of and then challenged me to an eat-off!”

 

“Hey, you didn’t set any rules, not my problem.”

 

“Ugh you are such a brat. I have no idea how Sousuke deals with you all the time,” Aki grumbled, tearing off a huge, irritable bite from her burger.

 

“Theirs is a bromance that transcends time, Aki. You could never understand,” Kazuki joked playfully.  

 

“I don’t think I want to understand stupid handshakes and ass kicks, honesty.”

 

“Hey, I kick his thigh, not his ass,” Rin argued.

 

“Because somehow that’s supposed to make it better?” Aki snorted.

 

“Come on guys, we really _do_ need to hurry up,” Takuya urged, popping the last bit of his burger into his mouth as he eyed the others.

 

“Jeez, not everyone can eat as fast as you.” Kazuki shook his head, taking another large bite before setting the remaining third of his burger on Takuya’s plate.

 

“Man, you eat like a princess, Kazuki. You can’t even finish off a fish burger? What kind of athlete are you?” Aki teased, earning herself an eyeroll.

 

“One that doesn’t eat until they’re stuffed, thanks. Anyways, Takuya eats more than me, it works out.”

 

“Sousuke usually ends up finishing my food, too,” Rin offered in Kazuki’s defense, taking another bite of his own burger, quickly approaching full.

 

Another five minutes of intermittent teasing and bickering and they had finished up their meal and paid. Another sixty and they were already knee-deep into the newest, biggest budget action flick. To be honest, Haruka wasn’t particularly interested in action moves. There was a reason his movie nights with Makoto generally veered into Disney territory. Well, there was also the part of Makoto being afraid of virtually everything, but cute animals were quiet and comfortable and safe. Nonstop violence and explosions and Haruka was already bored and nursing quite the headache. And now the movie had decided on shoving a horribly forced romance to the forefront, full of dramatic sobs and promises of ‘I’ll return to you after the war.’ What were they even fighting again? Aliens, maybe? Were they at war with aliens? Haruka’d long lost track, much more interested in sneaking peeks at Rin whenever he figured the redhead wasn’t looking.

 

Wait.

 

Was Rin… crying?

 

Haruka couldn’t help but stare openly, squinting slightly in the dark of the movie theater, having to choke back a snicker of amusement when Rin sniffled slightly, rubbing at his nose as though trying to pretend he was just having an itchy, allergic reaction to something. Licking at his lips Haruka leaned over slightly, head ducking closer to Rin’s ear before whispering a quiet, amused “are you crying?” to the redhead.

 

“Wh-what! No, of course not. What’s wrong with you, Haru? Pay attention to the movie,” Rin hissed back irritably, arms crossing over his chest.

 

“Calm down, Rin. Allergies are a pain, I understand,” Haruka responded flatly, earning a grunt and a sharp kick to the ankle.

 

“Shut up.”

 

Haruka smiled softly, leaning back in his seat, crossing his own arms over his chest and letting his eyes drift back to the screen.

 

He never thought he’d admit it, but he was extremely glad he’d come.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if I majorly screwed up the Japanese beaches, I did my best! Also, next up. To the beach!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohjeez this took me waaaaay longer than I meant for it to, I AM SO SORRY. Anyways, there's nothing particularly bad in this chapter, other than a bit of (minor) insight into what happened to Haru, so no trigger warnings or anything as far as I can tell! Unless you need a warning for Haru's terrible attempts at flirting, because those ARE pretty cringe-worthy indeed.

  
  
  
“Ahhh, it looks so wonderful, Haru-chan! How long did you spend on this? It’s stunning!” Makoto gasped, leaning over Haruka’s shoulder to stare at the chocolate cake he was in the middle of boxing up.

 

“It wasn’t hard,” Haruka shrugged, preferring not to actually put a number on how long he’d spent on perfecting the cake. It’d taken him six attempts to make a cake that wasn’t overly sweet. He was used to baking to Makoto’s palate, and trying to rein in the amount of sweeteners had been surprisingly difficult. In the end, however, he’d managed to make a moist, fudgy type of cake, filled with a fresh raspberry mousse and drizzled with a bittersweet, dark chocolate ganache. Fresh raspberries had topped off the cake, along with some white chocolate swirls for decoration and added sweetness (Makoto would have been too disappointed if he didn’t at least have the option to add another layer of sweetness to the dessert).

 

“Do you think it’s okay that I just brought drinks? I thought about trying to make something, but…”

 

“But they don’t deserve that type of punishment,” Haruka deadpanned, earning a half appalled, half amused gasp from Makoto.

 

“I’ve gotten better!” Makoto pouted affectionately.

 

“True. No food poisoning last time.”

 

“It’s… an improvement at least?” Makoto said hopefully, smiling at Haruka as he finished boxing up the cake.

 

“Silver linings,” Haruka teased quietly, falling silent for a moment as he tied the cake box with a bow before speaking again. “Are you really okay with this, Makoto?”

 

“What, meeting everyone? I’m honestly kind of excited. It’s like… I know these people exist, but you never talk about them, so I just end up making up what they’re like in my head. I don’t even know names! It’ll be nice for everything to finally feel real, you know?”

 

“I meant the ocean…”

 

“Oh! Oh. Haru, I’ll be fine. I probably won’t even go into the water, and I think I worked through most of it in highschool, anyways. I’m in a better place now and don’t get as scared as easily as I used to.”

 

“…You ran away screaming from a cockroach last movie night.”

 

“How did it even get into my apartment!? I live on the _third floor_ , Haru!” Makoto whined pathetically.

 

Haruka smiled lightly, glancing over at the cooler. “Did you get the cola?” he asked quietly, earning a nod from Makoto.

 

“Of course! Water, cola, tea, milk, everything you asked for, all packed up and ready to go. So where are we meeting the others again?”

 

“We’re meeting up with Rin and Sousuke at their train stop, and then we’ll all go in together. The others are going to meet us there,” Haruka explained, checking his backpack to make sure everything he needed was safely packed away.

 

“Sousuke is… the one the cola’s for, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And Rin… is she the girl on the swim team, then? At least… I think you mentioned one being on the swim team? I’m sorry, you don’t tell me much about them and what you do tell me I still can’t get right.”

 

“Mm, that’s Aki. Rin’s a guy.”

 

“O-Oh! Like us, then,” Makoto laughed, pausing to check his own bag as well. “Is that everything we need?”

 

“I think so.”

 

Thirty minutes later had the pair of them sitting inside the train station, patiently waiting together for Sousuke and Rin to show up with the cooler full of meat and whatever else they had decided to bring.

 

“So what are they like?” Makoto asked quietly, toe tapping impatiently on the cement of the terminal, curiosity getting the best of him as he kept looking into the crowds hopefully.

 

“I don’t really know Sousuke,” Haruka shrugged, shifting his backpack over his shoulder, other hand still keeping a careful hold on the cake.

 

“And Rin?”

 

“Mm, he talks a lot.”

 

“Oi! Sorry we’re late. _Someone_ flipped the bowl of marinade all over me and I had to shower and change,” Rin grumbled, rolling his eyes before tossing Sousuke an irritable look that was thoroughly ignored.

 

Haruka glanced over at the sound of that warm voice, a bit surprised to see that Rin had opted for long sleeves, a hat and skinny jeans over something more beach appropriate.

 

“Is this Makoto, then? I’m Rin and this is Sousuke, it’s nice to meet you,” Rin smiled, giving Makoto a friendly nod while Sousuke gave a quick wave.

 

For a moment Makoto said nothing, staring at Rin with a gaping, shocked expression before quickly recovering, swallowing hard and forcing a curt, gentle smile back on his face. “Yes, I’m Tachibana Makoto, it’s a pleasure to meet you both! Thank you for inviting me.”

 

Haruka frowned. What was with that look..?

 

“No problem, we’re going to have way too much food anyways, and it’s always nice to have other supportive people come along, too,” Rin smiled, setting down his side of the cooler as Sousuke followed suit, content to drop the weight while waiting for the train to arrive.

 

“Is the mackerel in there?” Haruka demanded quietly, eyes on the cooler.

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I got your mackerel, calm down,” Rin grumbled.

 

“Ah, I see Haru’s already gotten his mackerel claws into you, too,” Makoto chuckled quietly. “So how many people are coming, anyways? Haru-chan didn’t tell me much…”

 

“Makoto…” Haruka warned. Why wouldn’t Makoto just drop the stupid -chan for once? He wasn’t a child, it was rather embarrassing, _especially_ in front of Rin. Also, mackerel was delicious. Was it really necessary to always make a point about his love of mackerel? Contrary to what everyone said, loving mackerel wasn’t weird. It was a _fantastic_ fish _._

 

“He didn’t tell you anything? Jeez, what kind of best friend are you, Haru?” Rin teased, playfully elbowing at Haruka’s arm before continuing. “Anyways, Amakata-sensei isn’t coming, so it’ll just be the two girls, Aki and Chigusa. And then Kazuki and Takuya’ll be there, they’re on the swim team with Haru. And then Ai’s coming, too. Then me and Sou and you guys, of course. So a few people, but not a ton. Pretty low key and private, I think?”

 

“Alright, that doesn’t seem too bad. You’ll have to help me with names, though. I’m uhm, pretty terrible with them.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. I used to have to write everyone’s names on Sousuke’s arm whenever he came with me to stuff like this,” Rin grinned, earning a grunt and a gentle shove from Sousuke.

 

“I know all their names…” Sousuke scowled, earning an amused laugh from Rin.

 

“Now you do, anyways. Been what, a few months? Years for some of them. Anyways, this is our train coming up.”

 

The train ride was pleasantly uneventful, mostly because Haruka had dozed off against the window for the better part of it (he’d even managed to have a peculiarly entertaining dream that involved Rin and Sousuke as butterfly clad superheroes who had to rescue princess Makoto from, well, him) while the other three had talked quietly amongst themselves.

 

By the time they’d arrived, Takuya and Aki had already begun setting up the grill, while Aiichirou, Chigusa and Kazuki had begun practicing with a beach volleyball someone had brought.

 

“Score, drinks!” Aki cheered as they arrived, quickly darting over to Makoto, Rin and Sousuke. “Which cooler are they in?”

 

“Uhm, that would be mine. Sousuke and Rin have all the meat, I think,” Makoto offered with a smile, moving to set down the cooler near the grill, popping the lid open and offering its contents.

 

“Great! You must be Makoto. I’m Aki, it’s so nice to meet you!” she smiled brightly, kneeling next to the cooler for a moment, humming idly to herself before finally deciding on a bottle of tea.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, too. Thank you all for inviting me.”

 

“How could we not? Any best friend of Haru’s is a friend of ours! You’re always welcome, Makoto. If we can tolerate that giant lug Sousuke, we’ll certainly take you,” she grinned. “Anyways, you want to play some volleyball? Though we’re really just tossing the ball around right now…”

 

“If it’s alright I was thinking about setting up a towel and such? Grabbing a drink and enjoying the view for a bit? It’s really nice out here.”

 

“Oh sure, no problem! And yeah, Rin was right, it’s really nice and secluded but still super warm. Anyways, if you change your mind don’t feel bad about joining us! Thanks for the drink!” Aki smiled, giving Makoto a quick wave before dashing off to rejoin the other four.

 

“Makoto.”

 

Makoto paused for a moment, glancing over at Haruka who was holding out the boxed cake expectantly. Makoto blinked before carefully taking it in his hands, gasping when the box was quickly followed by a shirt as Haruka darted towards the water, leaving a trail of clothing in his wake. “Haru!” Makoto cried out after him, sighing when he realized it was pointless, watching Haruka dive right into the water.

 

Of _course_ Haruka had been wearing his jammers under his shorts.

 

“Uh… does he do that often?” Sousuke asked awkwardly, watching Haruka float contentedly amongst the gentle waves.

 

“You have no idea,” Makoto sighed, moving to carefully set the cake box down atop the cooler of meat before heading towards an open umbrella that had been shoved into the sand, presumably by those that had arrived first.

 

“Mind if I join you?” Sousuke asked quietly. “Rin’s doing his manly grilling thing with Takuya and I’m pretty sure it’d be horrifically unfair if I tried to play volleyball with all the shorties.”

 

“Hm? Of course,” Makoto smiled, unfolding his beach towel and spreading it out before stripping down to his swim trunks, intent on getting some sun before it started getting cold. Quietly Sousuke moved to join him, spreading out his own towel, stripping off his shirt and tossing it to the side before plopping down alongside Makoto, eyes on the surf.

 

“If you need any help with names, you can ask me. Contrary to what Rin says I _do_ know who everyone is,” Sousuke mumbled awkwardly, scratching idly at the back of his neck.

 

“Sure, if I need help I’ll definitely ask you, Sousuke,” Makoto smiled, pulling out a bottle of suntan lotion and beginning to gently rub some it into his skin. “You need some?”

 

“Nah, Rin already mom’ed me. Mostly because he’s a ghost so he’s always got suntan lotion on, which means he also always forces it on me.”

 

“How can he get burned when he’s wearing so many layers?” Makoto mused quietly, glancing over at Rin, smiling as he watched Takuya and Rin argue over… something related to the grill. Maybe the temperature. “Is he going to change?”

 

“Rin? Probably not,” Sousuke shrugged. “He took his hat off, though. That’s a start.”

 

“He wears a hat to hide his hair, doesn’t he? It’s very distinctive.”

 

“Ah, yeah. He’s a pretty distinctive kind of guy. Can’t do anything about his teeth or eyes, so covering his hair is about all he’s got,” Sousuke shrugged, climbing to his feet, moving to grab a cola from the cooler before returning to join Makoto. “Haru doesn’t realize who he is, does he?”

 

“Haru-chan isn’t… always the most observant,” Makoto frowned, warm green eyes glued on his floating friend. “I… can I be honest, Sousuke?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I’m… I’m shocked, really. I can’t believe how put together Rin is.”

 

Sousuke snorted quietly, earning a confused glance from Makoto. “Rin? Put together? I mean sure, on the outside he looks decent, but guy’s a total mess. He’s basically been precariously taped back together with that shitty off-brand scotch tape crap. At this point I’m just praying it holds.” With a sigh Sousuke popped the top of his cola with one finger, bringing the cool drink to his lips.

 

“Really? He looks so… happy and healthy, I guess. How can you tell?”

 

“I’m his best friend. I’ve known him since we were little kids. I know when he’s right and I know when he’s not. But really, how could someone ever be right after that?”

 

“Yeah, you’re right…” Makoto sighed, pulling his attention away from Haruka to glance over at Rin momentarily, than down at the suntan bottle in his hands. “It’s my fault.”

 

“What?”

 

“Haru. What happened to him. Why he’s even here. It’s… it’s my fault. And I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know if it even _can_ be fixed,” Makoto swallowed hard, tongue darting out to moisten dry lips, suddenly wishing he’d grabbed a drink of his own but now feeling like the conversation had entered territory too important to wander away from. “Haru he… he hates going out. Always has. He’s never really been the social type, you know? And some of my classmates, they invited me to this new nightclub. I wanted to go because, because I’d never been, but I was nervous about going alone, wanted a buddy just in case something happened. So I begged Haru to come with me and, and of course he said yes because he’s supportive. He’s such an amazing best friend, Sousuke. So we got there and he camped out at the bar and the girls wanted to dance and he told me to go, that he’d be fine. I mean he doesn’t even drink, I didn’t even think to worry. I… I didn’t even think about him. I left him at the bar nursing a glass of water and I had some drinks and I spent hours dancing and I didn’t even notice that he was gone. What kind of best friend am I? I got so wrapped up in, in my own crap that I didn’t even notice that my best friend had disappeared!”

 

“Makoto…”

 

“And then, two in the morning and I was ready to go home and he wasn’t there and I panicked. I stayed up all night calling him over and over again and wandered around the city looking for him and I couldn’t get through to him or find him and then finally he called me back in the morning and by then it was too late. I mean… how do you ever make something like that up to someone?”

 

“You don’t.”

 

“Wh-what?” Makoto choked out, quickly realizing that he was beginning to tear up.

 

Sousuke sighed, pausing for a moment to regain his bearings before speaking once more. “I just… I don’t really know what happened. I don’t know your friendship and I don’t know what happened that night and it’s not really my place to know anyways. But I _do_ know that you don’t just make something like that up to a friend. Forcing kindness in hopes of getting what you want in return gets you nowhere. When he’s ready to forgive you he will. And because you’re his best friend, know that he’ll get there. But also know that… that whatever happened to Haru wasn’t your fault. You didn’t hurt him, and you didn’t make someone else hurt him. What happened to Rin wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t his mom’s fault, either. It happened because there are some disgusting pieces of shit in this world who aren’t afraid to do horrible things to innocent people for their own sick pleasure. The more you blame yourself the harder you make it for him to heal. Even if it’s unintentional you can’t… you can’t guilt someone in recovery,” Sousuke paused for another moment, taking a slow sip of his cola, head lolling back momentarily to stare at the sky before sitting back up. “Oi, Rin’s a lot better at this kind of crap than I am…”

 

“N-No. Thank you, Sousuke. I think… I think I really needed to hear that. I don’t really have anyone else I can talk to about it, you know?” Makoto smiled softly, watching in confusion as Haruka climbed out of the water, stalking towards the pair of them. “Haru?”

 

“What did you do? Why is Makoto upset?” Haruka accused, eyes narrowing on Sousuke.

 

“Haru-chan, it’s nothing. Sousuke was just helping me out and I got a little choked up. Is the water nice?” Makoto smiled, sniffling softly as Haruka shook some of the water from his hair.

 

Haruka paused for a moment, glancing between the pair of them, attempting to read the mood and coming up short. Finally he nodded shortly, mumbling out a quick “yeah” before glancing back at the water. If Makoto really was alright then he supposed he could return to the water. Or check on the grill. He _did_ need to make sure no one but him touched his mackerel. If he wanted it prepared right he’d have to do it himself. “Don’t upset Makoto again,” he warned quietly before wandering off to check on Rin, noting that Takuya had also disappeared to join the group volleyball match, leaving Rin alone to tend the grill.

 

“Do you need help?” he asked quietly, watching as Rin jumped in surprise.

 

“Haru! I thought you were still swimming. Oi, don’t sneak up on me like that,” Rin sighed, spatula-free hand settling on the back of his neck.

 

“You’re too jumpy,” Haruka shrugged. “Also partially deaf, apparently.”

 

“Hey! I just have a grill going over here and I was focused on making perfection happen, thanks,” Rin grumbled, reaching into the cooler for the slab of mackerel.

 

“Don’t touch my mackerel, I’ll cook it myself.”

 

“What, don’t trust me to handle your fish? I know how to grill fish, Haru,” Rin snorted, rolling his eyes.

 

“Grilling mackerel involves precision and timing. Let me do it,” Haruka demanded quietly.

 

“Are you saying I can’t handle cooking with precision and timing?” Rin accused, earning an unwavering stare back from Haruka. “Ugh, fine, whatever, cook your stupid mackerel. But don’t touch my meat!” Rin scowled.

 

Haruka turned to eye Rin, meeting red with deadpanned blue. “I’d never touch your meat without your permission, Rin.”

 

“Wha-!?“ Rin froze, flush spreading over his cheeks as he shoved both mackerel filet and spatula into Haruka’s hands, turning his face away. “Just… just do whatever you want!” he hissed out, dipping down to focus on the cooler of drinks, pretending to choosily work through his options.

 

Pleased, Haruka took to checking the grill, looking for a spot over the coals that was the perfect temperature for grilling his mackerel. Too hot and it would burn in a minute, too cold and it’d stick to the grill. Once he’d settled on the perfect place he placed the filet down, trying his best to ignore Rin as the redhead hovered behind him with a cola, watching the grill flame up.

 

“So… why mackerel, anyways?”

 

Haruka blinked, turning to glance at Rin in confusion. “It’s delicious?”

 

“But it’s _mackerel_.”

 

“You’ve obviously never had it prepared correctly,” Haruka huffed quietly, glancing at the meat then back at Rin. “Can I flip them?”

 

“Huh? Oh! The meat. Yeah, sure. You were uh, serious about asking for permission, weren’t you?”

 

“Of course,” Haruka hummed lightly, flipping the skewers of meat one-by-one, all the while keeping a watchful eye on his mackerel.

 

“So, if your mackerel is the best mackerel out there, can I try it?” Rin asked, moving to rest his forearm on Haruka’s shoulder, eyes still watching the grill, occasionally gesturing with his hand full of cola at one of the pieces of meat, requesting for it to be turned.

 

“I suppose I could share,” Haruka offered coyly, trying to pretend he wasn’t hyperaware of that arm resting comfortably along his bare shoulder. “Can you swim?”

 

“Huh? Of course I can,” Rin blinked, confused by the question as he took another small sip of his drink. “Is this because Aki said I don’t like pools or something?”

 

Haruka nodded carefully, finally turning his mackerel filet, pleased to see the perfect grill lines streaked across the surface. “We should swim, then. After lunch.”

 

“Oh, I didn’t bring a suit,” Rin shrugged, once again pointing at a few pieces of meat that needed to be flipped once more.

 

Haruka frowned at Rin’s declaration, confused at why they were even at the beach, why _Rin_ had been the one to suggest the beach, when he hadn’t even brought his swimsuit. Was he afraid of the ocean like Makoto? “Why not?”

 

“I wasn’t really planning on swimming, so it seemed kind of pointless to bring one,” Rin laughed awkwardly, glancing over at Makoto and Sousuke, still sitting together on their towels chatting comfortably. “Glad to see Sousuke’s made a friend. It’s usually pretty hard to get him to play nice with new people unless I’m there to buffer.”

 

“Makoto befriends everyone,” Haruka shrugged, glancing over at the pair as well before returning his attention to the grill. For another moment they fell into silence, Haruka’s eyes on the grill while his mind wandered, thoughts drifting back to that look of complete shock that had been on Makoto’s face when he’d first seen Rin. What _had_ that been about? “Do you and Makoto know each other?” Haruka asked quietly, trying to keep his voice disinterested, not wanting to betray his intense curiosity.

 

“Uhm, no? We’ve never met before. At least I don’t think so, anyways. I think I would have remembered if I met a guy about as big as Sousuke,” Rin chuckled softly, “there aren’t exactly a lot of them. Anyways, the chicken looks about done. Let me grab some plates.”

 

Despite the summer heat Haruka’s shoulder felt oddly cool the moment Rin pulled away. “Oooh, is this your dessert?” Rin questioned, eying the box that had been carefully placed near the coolers as he grabbed some of the serving trays someone had brought along.

 

Haruka glanced over, nodding as Rin returned to his side, tray held in his arms as he waited expectantly for Haruka to start piling up the food.

 

“I bet it’s amazing. I kind of want to take a peek. Everyone’s going to be so excited.”

 

“It’s not sweet,” Haruka mumbled, carefully piling the food up on the tray.

 

“Hm?”

 

“The cake,” Haruka explained, hoping Rin would stop being dense and just… make the connection. _It’s not sweet because I made it for you, idiot._

 

“Oh! Hm, maybe I’ll give it a try, then,” Rin hummed lightly, smiling as Haruka began to pile up the skewers of vegetables as well. Haruka nodded, content at the response as he carefully continued piling up the food until the tray was completely covered. Rin disappeared to a grassy area where they’d prepared a large blanket for seating, setting the tray down and calling to the others before returning to Haruka, grabbing another tray so they could unload the rest of the grill.

 

“Oooh, it’s already done! Great, I’m starving!” Chigusa smiled, jogging over alongside Takuya, followed closely by Aki, Kazuki and Aiichirou.

 

“Yup! Most of the meat’s done, some of the veggies and now we’re just getting the fruit grilled up and it’s all good to go. Fill up now, though, have to eat it when it’s fresh,” Rin grinned, glancing over at Makoto and Sousuke. “You two! Come get it while it’s hot.”

 

“We’re coming! Thank you, Rin,” Makoto smiled, climbing to his feet and quickly offering a hand to Sousuke, tugging the larger man up to his feet as well as they wandered over to meet the rest of the group, quickly working through introductions while piling up disposable plates with food.

 

Once the second tray was filled Rin returned to the group, setting the pile of food amongst them before heading back to Haruka. He reached into the cooler, grabbing the bag of skewered fruits. “These shouldn’t take too long to cook,” Rin offered, working together with Haruka to spread them over the grill’s surface, requiring only a few minutes on each side before they were also ready to be served. Filling up one final, smaller tray, Rin returned to the group while Haruka quickly tempered the fire.

 

Once the grill was taken care of Haruka joined the group, taking a seat between Rin and Makoto, blinking in surprise when Rin handed him a plate full of his mackerel filet, some pineapple, and two skewers of chicken. “I didn’t need any chicken…” he mumbled, glancing down at the plate.

 

“You’re a swimmer, eat some protein and like it,” Rin teased, climbing to his feet once more to wander to the cooler, returning with two bottles of water for the pair of them. “Plus, if I’m trying your fish, you have to try my meat.”

 

Haruka raised a teasing eyebrow at Rin as he took his drink, watching in amusement as the redhead promptly flustered, barking out a pathetic, “I didn’t mean it that way!” Rin frowned, yanking a hunk of chicken off one of his own skewers, aggressively chewing and swallowing. “Tch, you’re a pervert, Haru.”

 

Haruka shrugged nonchalantly at the accusation, carefully taking one of his own skewers of chicken, nibbling at the end. He chewed slowly, savoring the well-seasoned bite before swallowing. “Your meat is very juicy, Rin,” Haruka nodded sagely, watching Rin’s face fluster in horror.

 

“Oh my god! What is _wrong_ with you!? Sousuke, switch places with me, I don’t have to take this harassment,” Rin snapped, jumping to his feet.

 

“Eh, I’d rather not. I’m pretty comfortable over here by Makoto,” Sousuke shrugged. “Plus this is really, _really_ entertaining for me.”

 

“Rin, you can’t leave yet. You still have to taste mine. Reciprocity is important.”

 

“H-How!? How the _hell_ can you say these things with a straight face?” Rin whined pathetically, staring at Haruka as he gathered up a hunk of mackerel with his disposable chopsticks, holding out the bite expectantly for Rin.

 

“Haru-chan, maybe you should play nice and stop teasing R-“ Makoto started, pausing when Sousuke cut him off with a warning bump of their shoulders, his attention immediately shifting from Haruka to Sousuke.

 

“Let him have his fun,” Sousuke whispered closely. “I think Rin’s enjoying being treated normally, anyways,” Sousuke shrugged, pulling away from Makoto’s ear and returning to his own plate of food.

 

Makoto stared for a moment, watching Rin finally sit back down with a huff, reluctantly accepting the proffered bite, face still flushed enough to resemble his hair. Hm. Maybe Sousuke was right.

 

“It’s good…” Rin mumbled out, distracting himself with his skewer of vegetables, refusing to look at Haruka, instead looking at the others who had been watching the pair in amusement. “Oi, what’re you looking at?” he grouched, scowling at the unbridled laughter of his friends.

 

“Calm down, Rin, or your face might explode,” Chigusa teased affectionately, warm smile spread across her face.

 

“She’s totally right. If I weren’t incredibly lazy I’d come over there and high-five Haru for making you a total mess in a matter of like… five seconds. Super impressive, very well done,” Aki laughed.

 

“You all really enjoy my suffering, don’t you?”

 

“Yeah pretty much,” Kazuki laughed, Takuya and Aiichirou nodding along in agreeance.

 

“What!? Even you, Ai? And to think you were once my favorite,” Rin bemoaned.

 

“Sorry Rin-senpai! But… it’s pretty funny, honestly,” Aiichirou shrugged sheepishly, taking a bite of his fruit skewer.

 

After forty-five minutes of sitting around, chatting and devouring every last morsel of food between them, Makoto had begun affectionately prodding Haruka, urging him to present his meticulously prepared dessert to the others.

 

“It’s not a big deal…” Haruka mumbled as Makoto hyped up his dish, feeling uncomfortably put on the spot as the other goaded him into bringing it over. With a sigh he carefully collected everyone’s soiled plates, disposing of them in the pre-prepared trash bag before grabbing the brown box he’d tucked the cake away in. Using his free hand to grab small plates, a knife, and some disposable forks he came back, kneeling in the center of their picnic blanket, mindfully setting everything down. Silently he opened the box, carefully removing the cake, trying to force back the slight flush of his cheek at the surprised oohs and ahhs of his companions.

 

“Holy smokes, Haru! That’s _gorgeous_!” Chigusa gasped.

 

“Told you!” Makoto smiled, a hint of smugness and pride playing over his face. “Haru-chan’s amazing in the kitchen.”

 

“It’s just a cake, guys…” Haruka sighed, doing his best to ignore the compliments as he carefully began to cut the cake with his knife, handing out slices and forks to the others one by one. Lastly, he cut off slices for both Rin and himself, crawling back to his seat, one hand holding his own slice, other holding out a small piece for Rin.

 

“Oh, you didn’t have to…” Rin blinked, taking both plate and fork regardless. “I mean, I bet it’s good just…”

 

“Just try it,” Haruka said flatly, shifting in his seat, toying his fork along his own slice of cake while nervously waiting for Rin to take a bite. Rin nodded an okay, breaking off a small piece with his fork before carefully popping it into his mouth.

 

Haruka hadn’t lied; it wasn’t particularly sweet at all. There was an underlying bitterness, and a tang of coffee that had been mixed into the cake, creating a fudgy, luxurious kind of texture. The raspberry puree was tart, adding another dimension to the dessert, with only the ganache and white chocolate swirls adding a slight sweetness. Rin swallowed before turning his attention on Haruka, surprised by the nervous hope clear in those ocean blue eyes. “It’s really good, Haru,” he smiled softly, cutting off another piece before gently kneeing Haruka. “You should try what you made too, you know,” he teased lightly, popping the second bite into his own mouth.

 

Nodding, suddenly relieved by the approval, Haruka tasted the cake, pleased by his creation. It had been a labor of love, certainly, but it’d turned out as well as he could have asked for.

 

“He’s totally right. It’s crazy good, Haru,” Aki added with a grin, quickly working through her own piece.

 

“It definitely is. So who wants to play another round of volleyball after this?” Kazuki asked, glancing amongst the group.

 

“I’m always up for kicking your butt in sports!” Aki grinned, nudging at Chigusa. “And Chigusa here may be small but she’s totally fierce. You’ll play too, right Chigusa?”

 

“Uhm, sure why not. 3-on-3, maybe? Or 4-on-4. We have an odd number, though…”

 

“Oh, I’m good. I figured I’d get everything cleaned up while you guys played,” Rin shrugged, setting down the remaining half of his cake slice.

 

“I’ll help you…” Haruka mumbled, glancing down at that half-eaten slice with a small frown. Had Rin… not really liked it?

 

“Wait, if neither of you play we still have an odd number,” Takuya pointed out.

 

“I can referee! I don’t really like volleyball much, anyways,” Aiichirou offered.

 

“You sure about that, Ai?” Aki questioned, mildly concerned over the idea of Aiichirou being forced to sit out.

 

“No no, it’s fine! Really. And this way it works out! 3-on-3, each team gets a tall guy, each team gets a lady, and each team gets a swimming guy. Keeps it evenish, right?”

 

“Well… he isn’t wrong. It’d keep it pretty even,” Sousuke shrugged, glancing beside him at Makoto. “You want to play?”

 

“Ah, sure, I guess? I’m not very good at volleyball…”

 

Haruka snorted at the sentiment, earning a stare from the others. “You’ll see,” he shrugged, rising to his feet and beginning to collect the group’s trash, followed quickly by Rin.

 

“It really was good…” Rin mumbled awkwardly once the others had disappeared to go play volleyball, joining Haruka in picking up stray utensils and plates. “Like really good. I just… I don’t want you to think I didn’t like it because I didn’t finish. I just ate too much of the meat and veggies.”

 

“It’s fine,” Haruka responded easily, feeling a bit less insecure after Rin’s admission. Together they cleaned up in silence, bagging up the waste before working together to fold up their blanket, tucking it in between the two coolers. “Do you not like the ocean?” Haruka finally asked, glancing over at Rin for a moment before flitting his eyes away once more. It was almost as hard to look at Rin as it was to look away from him.

 

“I love the ocean,” Rin laughed, turning to glance at the surf for a moment. “It really bothers you that I didn’t bring a swimsuit, doesn’t it?” Rin grinned, nudging his shoulder affectionately against Haruka’s.

 

Haruka shrugged silently, not sure what else to say. It _was_ weird. Rin was fully dressed amongst a group of people running around in bathing suits. It wasn’t like Rin didn’t wear tighter clothes; clearly the fitness of his body was _not_ an issue. If he was embarrassed by himself he had no reason to be. So what was it, then?

 

“Just because I don’t have a swimsuit doesn’t mean I can’t touch the water,” Rin said, pausing to lean over and remove his shoes, shoving his socks into the sneakers, waggling his toes as soon as they hit the sand. “Want to help me find a shell?”

 

Haruka blinked, glancing at Rin for a moment and then back at the water. A shell?

 

“Er, that sounds random. It’s just something I’ve always done for my little sister. Every time I go to the beach I always find her the prettiest shell I can. It started when we were kids and kind of went from there, I guess. She has a jar full of them…” Rin explained awkwardly, rolling up his jeans to mid-calf, revealing leather corded anklets on both feet. Rin glanced back at Haruka, then back to his feet, scowling. “What? They’re fashionable.”

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Haruka shrugged, pretending that he hadn’t noticed, instead glancing back at the water. Once Rin’d secured his pants Haruka took it as a go-ahead, heading towards the water, wandering along the shore and looking for a spot with a solid collection of shells. Once he’d found one he plopped down beside it, letting the waves gently roll over his lower half as fingers deftly worked through the mix of fragmented and broken shells. Quietly Rin squatted down to join him, careful to stay far enough from the surf to keep his butt from getting wet. They worked together in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Haruka idly attempting to find a matching set of shells, wondering if Ren and Ran would enjoy them. Maybe he could put a hole in the shells and make necklaces out of them…

 

“What colors does she like?” Haruka finally asked, holding out a small, pink, shimmery shell for Rin’s inspection.

 

“Uhm, she’s pretty big on yellows, but this one’s really nice...” Rin murmured, thumb trailing over the smooth surface. He kept it in his palm as they went back to searching, trying to find something more in the yellow family. “Are you looking for some, too?”

 

“Mm, Makoto’s little brother and sister. I thought they might like one, too.”

 

“He has little siblings? That’s cute. How old are they?”

 

“Fourteen. Your sister?”

 

“Gou’s uh… twenty. But she’s still a little kid to me so whatever, she still get shells,” Rin grunted, distracting himself by burying his hands right back into the wet sand.

 

Haruka couldn’t hide the small, amused smile as they went back to shell searching, occasionally glancing up at the intense volleyball match going on across the way.

 

“Oh come on, put your knees into it, Takuya! Were you even trying? Do you _want_ to lose!?”

 

“N-No sir!”

 

“…Makoto uh, _really_ gets into sports, doesn’t he?” Rin snorted, dipping a shell under water to shake the sand and grit off of it.

 

“I warned everyone.”

 

“Do you think one of them would like this one?” Rin questioned, holding up a shiny, greenish shell. “I don’t know what they like…”

 

“It’s nice,” Haruka mumbled, taking the shell in his hand, fingers brushing along the inside of it. “Think you can find another like it? If you don’t give them the same thing, Ran’ll take the ‘better’ one, and Ren’ll let her.”

 

Rin laughed. “Yup, sounds like normal siblings to me. But let me see what I can do.”

 

Together they spent most of the afternoon shifting through shells, Haruka occasionally swimming deeper into the water, diving for handfuls of sand in hopes of finding different shells, making sure to return to Rin after a few minutes with anything he’d manage to dig up. Eventually day had begun to shift into early evening, and the exhausted group had finally packed everything up and headed for the train. First off had been Aiichirou and Aki, followed by Chigusa, Kazuki and Takuya, then finally Rin and Sousuke. Left alone, Makoto and Haruka sat together in peace, Haruka’s face towards the window, watching the passing scenery while Makoto kept a curious eye on the other train riders.

 

“That was a lot of fun, Haru,” Makoto finally said, voice soft and thoughtful. “They’re all really, really nice.”

 

“Mm,” Haruka grunted back, eyes still glued out the window. After another few moments of silence, growing ever closer to Makoto’s stop, Haruka finally opened his mouth to reluctantly speak. “Do you know Rin?”

 

“Hm?” Makoto blinked, tilting his head towards Haruka, meeting steadfast blue with surprised green.

 

“Your face when you first saw him…”

 

“Ah, that. I’m… I’m sorry. You just, you really don’t recognize him, do you?”

 

Haruka frowned, brows furrowed slightly. How could Makoto recognize Rin but he didn’t? They’d spent basically their entire life as an inseparable pair. Was he _supposed_ to know Rin? Had they all met before?

 

“I… I don’t really know if it’s my place to tell you about him,” Makoto grimaced, hands rubbing together guiltily.

 

“Makoto,” Haruka said, voice quiet, steady and demanding.

 

Makoto took a deep breath, letting it out in a nervous sigh before nodding. “His name’s Matsuoka Rin, Haru. When you get home, look it up online, okay? Just… just try not to let it be a big deal, alright?”

 

A big deal?

 

What was Makoto talking about...?  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up! I'll probably post the next two chapters together, because I don't want to get killed *cough* and, as this chapter is obviously segueing into, it's time to learn Rin's story. Chapter 6'll obviously be pretty heavy, so I want to try to get it out with chapter 7, which is right back to friendship shenanigans.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, time to give the HEADS UP THIS IS THE WORST CHAPTER BY FAR SINCE CHAPTER ONE because... this is the worst chapter by far since chapter one, lol. This chapter is dark dark DARK, so I'm warning everyone now. Anyways, like I promised, I'll post chapters 6/7 together so there's at least some comfort to this hurt (and so hopefully I don't get yelled at, lol). 
> 
> As usual, if there are ANY triggers that you might have an issue with, everything is tagged in the notes at the end of the chapter, so please check things out before reading!

 

The moment Haruka walked through his apartment door he immediately kicked off his shoes, setting them aside before promptly grabbing his laptop. He ignored the fact that he was still absolutely covered in sand, knowing he needed a shower badly but really not caring, far too focused on what Makoto had told him.

 

_Matsuoka Rin._

 

He took a seat on the floor, setting his laptop on the kotatsu and popping it open, waiting impatiently for it to boot up, toes tapping incessantly on the floor. As soon as the computer completed loading he typed in his password, hands shaky, taking two tries to get the stupid thing right. Once he’d logged on he immediately went to his internet browser, typing out a fumbling ‘Matsuoka Rin’ before hitting search.

 

Every link on the first page of searches was a news article.

 

**Iwatobi boy, missing four years, found alive**

 

Haruka couldn’t breathe.

 

For a moment he just knelt there at the table, air forced out of his lungs, eyes unblinking, unwavering, as they stared in wide-eyed shock at the news headline. He could barely control his hand, now shaking uncontrollably, as he clicked nervously on the link.

 

The first thing to appear was the picture of a beaming young child, wide-eyed and grinning toothily with fiery red hair hanging in his face, arms resting leisurely behind his neck.

 

Oh god. _This_ was why Rin’s eyes were so familiar the day they’d met.

 

_“What’s wrong, obaasan?”_

_“Oh, I just feel awful for this poor woman, sweetie.”_

 

_“What happened? Why is she crying?”_

_“She’s lost her child, Haru. Apparently she’s already lost her husband, and now her little boy is gone, too.”_

His grandmother had made him cuddle with her that night, huddled up together under a blanket in a warm pile. He hadn’t understood it at the time, not really. What did a kid missing in Australia have to do with him? Why was his grandmother so upset when he was still there right beside her? It was just a stranger on the television, it wasn’t happening to her.

 

After watching that press conference he’d moved on. He’d forgotten all about that grinning, happy, sharp smile.

 

The precocious little boy had quickly become nothing more than a lingering memory of piercing red eyes.

 

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep, slow, calming breath before he finally allowed himself to really look at the article, to scan the contents that he was honestly afraid to see. 

 

**SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA- Missing Iwatobi boy Matsuoka Rin, the subject of an international joint search between Japan and Australia, was found alive Tuesday evening after being missing for over four years. The Iwatobi native, now 15, disappeared while on a family trip in Sydney in November of 2002.**

**The case made international headlines when Matsuoka vanished from the hotel his family was staying at during a game of hide-and-seek with his younger sister. A young Olympic hopeful, Matsuoka was in the city with his family to visit with coaches from various swim academies when he went missing.**

**Initial reports suggest that Matsuoka was able to escape from his abductor by jumping out of a moving vehicle and calling for help. Currently he is recovering from the ordeal at Sydney’s Children Hospital. Story is ongoing and will be updated as more details emerge.**

**Update: Police officials in Sydney have identified the kidnapping suspect as Alexander Robinson, 39. Robinson, born and raised in Cairnes, moved to Sydney in 1999 after being offered an internal audit managerial position with the City of Sydney. Robinson had no criminal record prior to the abduction.**

**Around 8:15 p.m. local time, Sydney police received a phone call from a city payphone. The caller, an unidentified homeless woman along with three other companions, told police officers that they’d found the missing Japanese teen wandering the streets injured, begging for help. Police arrived shortly thereafter, immediately confirming the teenager’s identification and escorting him to Sydney’s Children Hospital for treatment.**

**It appears that Matsuoka was bound in the vehicle with Robinson and two other men when he managed to unlock the passenger’s door and kick it open, jumping from the moving vehicle. The teenager sustained multiple injuries from his fall, including a fractured arm and concussion. Matsuoka then ran for help, ending up in the alleyway where he met the caller and her companions. Robinson and the two others attempted to retrieve the boy, but the four good Samaritans refused to let them take him back and eventually they fled the scene.**

**Matsuoka’s mother has arrived from Japan and is expected to give a press statement in the near future regarding her son’s condition.**

Haruka stared blankly at the screen, the words beginning to blur together as he attempted to process everything. Jumping from a moving vehicle. Hiding with a bunch of homeless people. _Kidnapped for four years._ When Rin had said he learned how to speak English in Australia… oh god. It was too much. It was _all too much_.

 

A sick, twisted pang wrenched in Haruka’s gut, an overwhelming sense of guilt over everything. All of a few hours ago he’d been _teasing Rin about his meat_. What the hell was wrong with him? He’d known that Rin had been through something, he wouldn’t have been at those meetings if he hadn’t. Hell, he _himself_ had been raped. He knew what it felt like to be demoralized; to be soiled. Sexualized teasing, even if it was just harmless flirting, was ridiculously stupid of him. How could he have ever thought it was appropriate? Regardless of how cute Rin’s face was when he blushed, what Haruka had done had been beyond idiotic.

 

But even worse than the guilt over his own behavior was the guilt over his own _curiosity_.

 

It wasn’t his business. What happened to Rin? It was Rin’s story to tell if and when he chose to tell it. And yet Haruka couldn’t help but wonder how much more information was out there. It’d been an international case. It’d been all over the news. Japan, Australia, even Europe and the United States. There were so many reports, so many curious people wondering what had happened to the smiling boy who’d vanished without a trace and reappeared out of nowhere four years later.

 

He knew he shouldn’t do it. Curiosity was _not_ an excuse for invasion of privacy.

 

And yet, despite that inner voice screaming no, he found himself clicking the back button on his laptop and scrolling through those search results. A few pages in and he found a message board, curiosity piqued as he clicked on the link.

 

There were apparently people who had followed the case for the entire four years Rin had been missing. Strangers gathered together on the internet, driven by morbid curiosity as they discussed any intimate detail they could get a hold of. Initially they were motivated to locate him, sharing any information they could, trying to piece together where he could have gone. Was he dead? Forced into a cult? Sold into sex slavery? But after he’d been found their questions had turned from helpful to morbid.

 

Haruka couldn’t stop reading.

 

**_Holyshit, I still can’t believe they found the kid alive. It’s amazing he survived!_ **

****

**_Psh, found him? You act like the police actually did anything at all. Kid got himself out of there._ **

****

**_In the police’s defense, they lived in the suburbs and apparently he never even left the basement until like 2-3 years in. Robinson guy had no record, even the people he worked with had no idea about his double life. Was apparently super friendly and well liked around the office, didn’t raise any alarms._ **

****

**_That’s terrifying. How can someone that batshit blend in so easily?_ **

****

**_Good actor I guess? Apparently he even had a clueless girlfriend._ **

****

**_Shit, can you imagine being that poor girl? Dating some seemingly perfect guy and whoops, has an Asian teenage boy chained up in his basement._ **

****

**_Ugh, that’s so gross. Did you see the report on those sex parties, btw? I guess Robinson and some friends were taking the kid to some creepy pedophile orgy party. I’d have taken my chances jumping out of the moving car, too._ **

****

**_Kid’s lucky he didn’t die. I think they said the car was moving at 40km/hr or something?_ **

****

**_Still would have taken my chances if my options were the sex party full of grown ass men or jumping out of a moving car in a city._ **

****

**_Definitely._ **

****

**_Did you check out the recent links posted? Apparently those sex parties involved a bunch of underage kids. I think they said something like 15 boys were removed from their homes because of this case? Adopted by pedophiles and then pimped out to their friends. SO fucked up._ **

****

**_How many pedos did they get, anyways?_ **

****

**_I think it was something ridiculous, like 30-40, maybe? Apparently it was a full ring situation. Kiddy porn, prostitution, all that kind of shit._ **

****

**_So… pedophiles are the first to get murdered in prison, right? I mean… I’m just sayin’._ **

****

**_We can only hope. I wonder why Robinson started taking him out, anyways. Like… I mean it’s awesome, it got the kid out, but like… kidnapping 101 has to say ‘don’t take your victim outside the house and show them off to your friends.’ I mean it’s not just me, right? That’s really sloppy?_ **

****

**_I think they mentioned a break-in period? I think the kid was only like… 11 when he got taken, right? Took Robinson a long time to break him down, I guess._ **

****

**_Gotta give the kid some serious props. 2-3 year break-in period? I’m an adult and no way I last that long._ **

****

**_Same. I mean, Robinson even made the kid drink his piss just to fuck with him, didn’t he? Instead of water or something? Pretty sure I read that on some other site. People are fucked up._ **

****

**_Are you serious!? Wtf is wrong with people??? That’s so fucking disgusting. Wow just… fucking wow._ **

****

**_I love how the piss drinking is where you draw the line. Meh to a bunch of adults gangbanging an 11 year old. But piss? Holyshit._ **

****

**_Oh stop being an asshole, you know it’s disgusting, that’s why you brought it up. Both are fucked up, clearly._ **

****

**_I know I know. But seriously, what the hell happens now? How the hell does a kid like this move on with his life?_ **

****

**_Oh, he’s completely fucked. No way you come out of that remotely normal, right? I mean can you imagine the damage? And the STDs, yikes._ **

****

**_Nope. Kid doesn’t have a chance._ **

_Heshouldn’thavelookedheshouldn’thavelookedheshouldn’thavelooked._

 

He felt like he might puke.

 

There was no taking it back. He couldn’t unsee it now. Given some he hadn’t been able to decipher, English wasn’t exactly his strongest subject, but he was much better at reading it than speaking it and he’d only really needed the gist, anyways.

 

He hadn’t really thought about why Rin attended meetings, honestly. He’d been too distracted by those pretty eyes and that silky hair and that musical laugh and that teasing smile to even care. It wasn’t his business, anyways. Rin was just… he was Rin. Gorgeous and sweet and thoughtful and gentle.

 

This… this was the type of thing you read about in the news. It wasn’t supposed to be reality, it wasn’t supposed to have happened to someone you actually knew, someone you cared about. How… how could Rin even _smile_ after all that?

 

No wonder Sousuke never let Rin out of his sight. _Haruka_ didn’t want to let Rin out of his sight.

 

He had to apologize.

 

Hastily shutting his laptop he hopped to his feet, grabbing his backpack and fishing out his cellphone. He’d been waiting for Rin to text him first, desperate for the contact but refusing to instigate it himself, but now he couldn’t wait any longer. Shakily he slid his phone open, pulling up his contacts and searching for Rin’s name. Once he found it he opened a new message, pausing for a moment, unsure of what to type. Finally he settled on the simplest text he could come up with.

 

**I’m sorry.**

He slid his phone shut again, holding it between both trembling hands, mind still racing, heart pounding as he waited for a response. It took another minute or so before the device vibrated in his hand.

 

**Rin: Guess Makoto finally told you, huh?**

Haruka stared at the screen, guilt pooling in his belly once more.

 

**Haruka: I shouldn’t have teased you today.**

Haruka sighed as he let himself drop back to the floor, in the back of his mind knowing he needed a bath, all the while too antsy to soak. For the first time in a long time bathing felt like a chore rather than a necessity.

 

**Rin: Wait, that’s what you’re apologizing for? Don’t.**

Haruka frowned at the text. What else did Rin think he was apologizing for?

 

**Rin: Fuck, It’s nice to be treated normally for once.**

**Rin: Everyone acts like I’m fucking broken**

**Rin: They apologize for what happened to me like it’ll somehow make me feel better**

**Rin: It just makes them feel better, not me. Like they’ve somehow helped**

**Rin: I hate when people stare. I hate being so damn recognizable**

**Rin: I hate that people act like I’m a ticking time bomb. Everyone’s just waiting for me to lose it**

**Rin: They’d rather I be crazy than try to get better. They expect crazy. I think sane scares them more**

**Rin: Shit, I’m talking way too much. Ignore me.**

**Rin: I had fun today, though. So thank you, Haru**

Haruka sat quietly on the floor, watching the texts come in over the course of a few minutes. Once they appeared to stop he mulled his options.

 

**Haruka: Me too.**

He waited another moment before reopening his phone, tentatively typing out another quick message, cheeks flushed slightly.

 

**Haruka: I don’t mind listening.**

**Haruka: If you need to talk then talk.**

 

He slid his phone shut once more, finally deciding to force himself into the bath, knowing that he badly needed the time to think and reflect on the new information. Sighing quietly he held his phone close and made his way to the bathroom, stripping down and tucking his sandy clothes and suit away in the laundry before wandering to the bathroom. He turned the faucet on, sitting on the stool beside his tub, glancing down when the phone once again vibrated in his palm.

 

**Rin: Thanks, I will.**

**Rin: And same goes to you, okay?**

**Rin: Any time, night or day.**

Alone in the privacy of his own apartment Haruka let himself smile, fingers squeezing down on his phone, quickly wandering over to his bed so he could set his phone up to charge on his nightstand before returning back to the bathtub. He’d have to start making sure to keep the thing on him…

 

\--

 

_He can’t move. It feels familiar yet wrong, this inability to move around, and the more he struggles the more confused he gets. This isn’t normal. This isn’t how this usually goes. He isn’t crumpled face first in a bed. He can’t smell cigarette smoke and instead of the coldness of an air conditioner left on all night the room is disgustingly damp and muggy. And dark. So very, very dark._

_“You thirsty, mate?”_

_It’s the right voice for sure and it’s definitely in Japanese, Haruka can understand it so it’s clearly not English, yet the accent is all wrong. It’s a caricature of an Australian accent, the type seen on cheesy television commercials, not the gruff, accented Japanese he’s grown so familiar with over the last few months. This_ is _his attacker but this isn’t his set. This isn’t the dream he’s grown painfully comfortable with. This isn’t what he expects; this isn’t his normal._

_And it’s terrifying._

_There’s a lucid aspects to his dreams now, a sense of clarity, a result of nonstop repetition, of desensitization to his own trauma. The nightmares haven’t stopped but he’s adjusted to them, developed some odd psychosis with them where he knows they’re wrong and bad and yet he no longer cares. They’re just there now, neither good nor bad. But this is different. This is change._

_He hates change._

_“If you drink this I’ll let you have some water. You love water, don’t you, Haruka?”_

_He opens his eyes at the sound of that voice, wincing when he realizes the room is actually dim, not dark._

_The man before him his no face, is just a fat, ugly blob of a body holding a glass out to him, wafting it under his nose in delight, making sure he catches the reek of undiluted urine. He wants to wretch but he can’t because he’s frozen in place, aware he’s in a dream and yet unable to overcome it. He knows this isn’t real. He knows this is some twisted, horrific game his imagination is playing on him, that he’s subconsciously adopting Rin’s trauma and attaching it to his own in some crazy act of solidarity or understanding or… insanity. Honestly he’s not sure which one it is. He’s either crazy or sympathetic and honestly right now he’d rather not be either. Rin is amazing but drinking a glass of urine in his dreams is most certainly not._

_He shakes his head at the man, unable to speak, shivering when belly laughter fills the silent room. A hand grabs his throat and he struggles, only now realizing that he’s completely bound, chained on his knees to the wall of the stone basement around him, unable to do anything more than choke for air. This is a dream. He can’t die. But knowing it’s a dream doesn’t mean_ knowing _it’s a dream, and that small sliver of doubt kicks his survival instincts into gear and he’s struggling, heaving for air, desperate for his freedom as tears sting at his eyes. And as he struggles a ring gag is dragged over his mouth, hooked, and then he’s released and he can breathe again but he can’t shut his mouth._

_He knows what’s coming and he tries to scream, tries to squirm away, to kick with his bound feet, and as he gags on the warm liquid he’s sobbing, but he doesn’t realize it because_ this is not real _but it feels so real, so humiliating, so_ disgusting _and he doubts he’ll ever feel clean again._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: Kidnapping, mental and physical torture (including being forced to drink urine), violence, child abuse, child sexual assault, nightmares, basically all of the triggers I AM SO SORRY.
> 
> Man, I aaaaalmost edited this chapter down to be uh, less awful, but then in the end I decided people'd probably prefer to see this story set up exactly how I intended it to be. I STILL PROMISE THIS FIC IS LIKE 80% RIDICULOUS FLUFF. Just... not this chapter, lol. 
> 
> ALSO, note, before I get yelled at *cough* Just because Haru read it from some random people on the internet doesn’t mean it’s all true. We’ve all seen the internet blow up after things like this and how truth and fiction get caught up in people’s desperate need to satisfy their morbid curiosity. I’M NOT SAYING IT’S ALL A LIE (obviously the actual news reports are legitimate), just… to keep that in mind. Details that don’t come directly from Rin may or may not be legitimate, which is why Haru probably shouldn’t have dug deeper in the first place.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, a chapter full of fluff and movie night to make up for the last chapter! A promise is a promise! Anyways, there's one brief, sliiightly triggery scene, so I've explained it in the notes, but for the most part this is just more friendship fluff. Enjoy!

 

 

Knowing what had happened to Rin managed to change everything and yet, at the same time, nothing at all. Haruka was hyperaware now, yet that attraction he’d felt since they’d met failed to wane, and instead of discomfort or nervousness he found himself craving contact more than ever before. It was ridiculous, wasn’t it? They’d known one another all of…

 

Haruka paused, calculating numbers in his head, blinking in surprise. Eleven weeks. Had he already known Rin for eleven weeks?

 

It all seemed so new, like they were still shy, awkward strangers, not two people who had begun to forge a warm, gentle friendship. Well, okay, warm and gentle was pushing it. More like a teasing, hypercompetitive, sharp-witted kind of entanglement, really.

 

Despite their budding friendship, however, it had oddly been Sousuke and Makoto (when had _those_ two become friends?) who had suggested spending Friday movie night at Sousuke and Rin’s apartment rather than Makoto’s, all four together.  Haruka had been surprised, of course, mostly because he’d been completely unaware that Makoto and Sousuke had exchanged numbers, but in the end he couldn’t help his excitement at the prospect. He’d never been to Rin’s apartment. Given Rin had never been to his, either, but it felt like some odd, weirdly important first step between them regardless.

 

If nothing else he was just, well, _curious_. What was Rin like, really? Was he messy? A neat freak? Would he have posters all over his walls? Did he secretly collect shoujo figurines or gashapons or baseball cards? Was he a gamer, perhaps? Haruka honestly had no idea. He knew Rin could cook, that he had a sister he doted on incessantly even though she was an adult attending university in Kyoto, and that he called his mother every week after meetings on Wednesday just to check in. But for all he saw of Rin on the outside, being invited into his actual home was an entirely new experience. It was personal, and even though this was all because of Sousuke and Makoto, not Rin, the entire thing still made Haruka feel almost special.

 

“Ah, thank you for helping me make something, Haru. I didn’t think just showing up with drinks would really work this time…” Makoto mumbled, bag of snacks clutched to his chest as the pair made their way to the address they’d been texted.

 

“Onigiri is hard to mess up,” Haruka shrugged nonchalantly, eying the apartment numbers as they searched for 201. After wandering for a bit they found it, tucked away at the end of the walkway, flanked by only one neighbor. He rapped his knuckles on the surface of the door, waiting for a moment before it swung open, Sousuke standing before them.

 

“Yo.”

 

Sousuke glanced between the pair of them before opening the door, letting them both step in as Makoto smiled and offered a gentle greeting.

 

“Thank you for inviting us over, Sousuke. Haru and I made snacks. Well… mostly Haru…” Makoto flushed awkwardly, holding out the bag of goodies. Sousuke took it in his hand, glancing briefly at the content before mumbling out a “thanks” as both Haruka and Makoto removed their shoes, shutting the door in their wake.

 

“Rin’s in the shower, by the way,” Sousuke explained, glancing over at Haruka for a moment before heading towards the small kitchen to drop off the food.

 

The place was shockingly clean. Far cleaner than Haruka’d ever come to expect when visiting a friend’s apartment. Makoto always tried, but he was prone to getting disorderly, letting clothes pile up because of his busy schedule, his table often a mess of textbooks and notes. Back in high school, Nagisa’s bedroom had been a warzone while Rei’s… well, okay, Rei was about as much of a neat freak as Rin and Sousuke apparently were.

 

He stepped further inside, eyes flitting around the room, taking in the small details as he followed Makoto towards the living space. Light wood covered the floors (maybe bamboo?), running the length of the entranceway into the larger space. There was a dark couch with a matching, sleek black coffee table, a few fitness magazines stacked neatly on one side of it, a few coasters on the other. The couch was facing a flat screen television that was mounted to the wall, a small, shiny black storage unit resting beneath it. Atop the unit was a Playstation 3 and a Wii, along with two sets of neatly wrapped controllers. Adjacent to the television, tucked away in a corner of the room, was a large, lightly used cat tree. They had a cat?

 

“So, do we get a tour?” Makoto teased lightly as soon as Sousuke returned from the kitchen, earning a shrug.

 

“Not much to see, but sure. It’s only a one bedroom apartment.”

 

One bedroom?

 

So Sousuke and Rin… shared, then?

 

“Obviously this is our living room. There’s a TV and a couch. Very interesting, I know,” Sousuke sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before wandering back into the kitchen.

 

“Do you have a cat?” Haruka asked quietly, still fixated on the tree.

 

“Oh yeah, he’s Rin’s. He’s around somewhere sleeping I’m sure. Anyways, this is the kitchen.”

 

“Oooh, is he friendly?” Makoto questioned, clearly more invested in hunting down the cat than actually seeing the rest of the apartment.

 

“Yeah. He’s pretty chill, unlike his owner.”

 

Haruka glanced around the kitchen, idly noting that the hardwood carried in from the living room. The dark countertops were as pristine as the rest of the house, all appliances apparently tucked away in the white cupboards, no dirty dishes in the sink. Heck, no drying dishes in the drying rack, either.

 

“I wonder if we’ll see him…” Makoto mused, glancing around the kitchen.

 

“He’s probably in our bedroom. He’s usually on Rin’s bed.” Sousuke stepped back out of the kitchen, turning the corner and walking into a narrow, short hallway. “Bathroom’s right here, but I can’t show you unless you really want to see Rin naked…” Sousuke said, glancing over at the pair.

 

_…Is he specifically looking at me?_

“But I do advise against that, he’s a biter when he’s angry,” Sousuke joked. “Anyways, laundry room is kind of… half connected to the kitchen, right here, and then finally here’s our swanky master bedroom. Huge, I know.” Sousuke pushed the slightly ajar door all the way open, glancing into the room, looking for something. “And there would be master Howl if you want to annoy him, Makoto.”

 

Makoto peeked around Sousuke’s shoulder, taking Sousuke’s offer of harassment as an invitation to wander into their bedroom, immediately heading towards one of the beds (Rin’s?) to bother the sleeping cat. Haruka followed closely after the pair, glancing around the room, eyes first settling on the cat Makoto was cooing at, then at the rest of the bedroom’s set up.

 

The cat was a wiry little ginger thing with a perpetual baby face and a swirling tabby coat that was contentedly sprawled out on the bed, lying belly up in an open invitation for Makoto. An invitation Makoto gladly took, taking a seat on the edge of the bed as a large hand carefully settled on that tummy. “Aren’t you cute?”

 

Haruka found himself oddly reassured by the presence of two beds, Rin’s comforter a dark red with a large black stripe running the length of the base, Sousuke’s the same but in the opposite color scheme. There were two white desks with black chairs against the opposing wall of the beds, both with built-in shelving. The only other things of note in the room were a large red, white and black rug with a blocking pattern that covered most of the hardwood flooring that apparently ran throughout the entire home, and a laundry basket near the closets.

 

“It’s nice,” Haruka finally said. His own studio apartment was about as typically tiny Tokyo as you could get. They did have to share a bedroom, but in general their apartment was much larger than his own. Then again, he also lived much closer to campus. But they could have a pet. Trade-offs, certainly.

 

“Yeah, it’s not too bad. Not like we need a ton of space, anyways. We don’t really have a lot of stuff. I mean at this rate we might as well just have one b-“

 

“Oi, sorry about that. I went for a run and I wanted to shower before you guys got here. Didn’t realize you’d be here so quick. I’m used to having some built-in time since it takes Sousuke forever to find a place,” Rin laughed from the bedroom doorway, still running a towel through his damp hair.

 

It was certainly the most underdressed Haruka had ever seen him. Despite first meeting in summer, he’d never seen Rin not wearing pants and long-sleeved shirts. This time, however, he was wearing casual lounge pants (Haruka had to admit that he was mildly disappointed at the lack of tighter skinny jeans, but that was neither here nor there) and a loose fitted tank-top with a low hanging v neckline, silver necklace dangling down his chest.

 

Hmm, he’d never seen Rin’s arms before. Rin’s very, _very_ nice arms.

 

And chest.

 

Haruka swallowed hard, turning his attention to Makoto and Howl to keep himself from staring.

 

“It’s no problem, Rin! We were just meeting Howl. He’s adorable. And so friendly!” Makoto smiled brightly.

 

Rin grinned. “Yeah, he’s a good kid.”

 

“How old is he? He’s so small…”

 

“Mmm, around five. Don’t let the baby face fool you. He was the runt of the litter so he’s scrawny, but he’s definitely not a kitten anymore,” Rin laughed, stepping into the bedroom and giving his hair one final towel-through before tossing the towel into the hamper and joining Makoto for a moment on the bed, giving Howl an affectionate scratch under the neck.

 

It wasn’t until Rin stepped closer that Haruka could both smell the faint linger of cherry blossoms and see the mess of scars around his wrists. Oh. So _that’s_ why Rin always wore long sleeves. While he wasn’t exactly surprised, it didn’t make seeing the damage any easier. Did that explain the anklets, too? And the hats, was Rin trying to hide his hair as well? He had said that he hated being recognizable, and it was hard to miss that mess of bright red in a sea of blacks and browns.

 

Haruka watched as Rin climbed back off the bed, wandering over to the closet, opening the sliding door and pulling a sweatshirt off the hanger, dragging it on before closing the closet and glancing back the group. “So, movie? Or we could do something else if you don’t feel like it.”

 

“Movie’s fine! And we brought snacks,” Makoto smiled, giving Howl a final rub before standing up, carefully straightening out Rin’s comforter before looking at the others.

 

“What’d you guys bring?” Rin asked curiously, walking over to scoop a whiny, sleepy Howl up in his arms before leading the group out of the bedroom and back into the living room area.

 

“Stuffed onigiri. Though Haru made most of it,” Makoto shrugged.

 

“Sounds good to me. Anyways, you two get comfortable, I’ll go grab the food.” Rin gestured with his free hand towards the couch before disappearing into the kitchen, setting Howl down and going to open a can of food for the cat. Once Howl was fed he went for the bag, peeking inside before returning to the living room, watching Sousuke set up the movie. “It looks good,” Rin said with a smile and a nod, pulling out the clear, plastic container full of meticulously made onigiri and setting it on the coffee table.

 

“Those are yours,” Haruka said mildly, pointing to the far left corner of the container as he curled his knees into his chest, sitting on the middle cushion of the couch, Makoto to his right.

 

“Hm, mine?” Rin blinked, glancing over at Sousuke as he finished setting up the movie.

 

Haruka nodded curtly, eyes on the DVD title screen, avoiding looking at Rin.

 

“So, you guys want anything to drink? Got water, cola… could make some tea if you’re into that,” Sousuke offered with a shrug. 

 

“Water’s fine,” Haruka mumbled.

 

“Uhm, I guess water, too?” Makoto added thoughtfully.

 

Sousuke nodded, wandering to the kitchen and peering into the fridge. “Oh, I have Sapporo too, apparently. Either of you want a beer?” Sousuke asked, head peeking around the edge of the kitchen entrance. Haruka shook his head immediately, content with his water.

 

“Are you having one?” Makoto asked, glancing between Haruka and Rin and then back at Sousuke.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Mmm, I guess one is fine, then. I haven’t had one in months,” Makoto smiled, earning a nod from Sousuke as he disappeared back into the kitchen. Quietly Rin disappeared into the kitchen as well, watching Sousuke retrieve the drinks from the fridge, popping the tops off the two beers.

 

“You okay, Sousuke?”

 

“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“Mmm, okay. Just…” Rin sighed, bending over to drag Howl into his arms.

 

“Drinks between friends, Rin, not drinks because my shoulder’s hurting again,” Sousuke sighed. "Liquor's better for that, anyways..."

 

“Oiii, okay okay, just making sure it’s not bothering you again or something...”

 

“I swear I’m fine, mom,” Sousuke grunted, grabbing both beers in one hand and two bottles of water in the other before sliding around Rin and disappearing back into the living room.

 

Rin sighed, grumbling out a “tch, asshole…” to Howl before following after his roommate. He waited patiently for Sousuke to distribute drinks and take the other seat next to Haruka before sitting on the floor in front Sousuke’s legs, dragging Howl into his lap. He glanced over at the coffee table as Sousuke began the movie, looking between the container and Haruka, mumbling out a “these, right?” as he opened the plastic and pointed to the left corner. Once he got a go-ahead nod he reached for one, approving of how neatly made the thing was before taking a bite.

 

The first taste was mostly just rice flavored with furikake, but by the second bite he’d hit filling, eyes widening in surprise at the spicy onslaught of heavily seasoned beef. “It’s good…” he mumbled, glancing over at Haruka, frowning when those blue eyes failed to meet his own. Well whatever, Haruka was into the movie, no big deal.

 

He scooted back a bit, onigiri in hand and Howl in lap, settling between Sousuke’s legs as the movie began.

 

“…Is this a horror movie?” Haruka asked quietly after a few minutes had passed, glancing over at Sousuke with a flat expression, earning a blink and a stare.

 

“Yeah, why? That a pro-“

 

A loud, terrified little shriek and Rin had a brand new set of scratch marks down his thighs as a suddenly spooked Howl hightailed it out of the living room in fear. Rin jerked his head back to eye the three on the couch, quickly realizing where the sound had come from, eyes settling on Haruka and Makoto.

 

“S-Sorry, Haru! I, I, the-the g-guy in the clown mask… knife…” Makoto whined pathetically, frantically collecting his spilled bottle of beer from Haruka’s lap.

 

“It’s fine, Makoto,” Haruka sighed, nose scrunching up at the stench of beer soaking his clothes, hand idly pulling the wet cloth away from his skin.

 

“I’m so sorry, let me clean that up! Uhm, where are your napkins?” Makoto asked, glancing over at Haruka to give Sousuke a pleading look.

 

“Uh, kitchen,” Sousuke said, quickly pausing the movie as Rin hopped to his feet, offering Haruka a hand.

 

“Come on, I’ll just get you something else to wear while your clothes are in the wash.”

 

“You don’t have to wa-“

 

“It’s fine, c’mon.”

 

Haruka nodded slowly, gently taking Rin’s hand, letting himself be tugged to his feet- _his hand is so warm-_ before following after the redhead as they disappeared into Rin and Sousuke’s bedroom. Rin immediately went for the closet, leaving Haruka to stand around awkwardly in his soiled clothing, idly noting that Howl had returned to his nest on Rin’s bed.

 

“Uh, what kind of clothes do you prefer? My jeans might be a bit big on you, you’re pretty narrow…” Rin mumbled thoughtfully, shifting through his options. Idly Haruka noted how large Rin’s wardrobe was. From the looks of it, Sousuke’s significantly less diverse selection of clothing took up maybe a quarter of the shared space.

 

“I’m barely smaller than you,” Haruka shrugged, finally growing tired of the cold wetness sticking to his skin, tugging off his shirt and stepping out of his pants before wandering over to take a seat at Rin’s desk while Rin continued looking through his clothing. He let his attention drift to the shelves- _so many books in English_ \- something tiny and iridescent catching his attention. Sitting up he leaned in closer, staring at the small, rosy, shiny pink seashell lying atop a stack of English CDs.

 

_He kept it for himself?_

 

“It’s just for a couple hours till your clothes dry, maybe some of my pajama pants? They have drawstrings,” Rin offered, turning to look at Haruka before jerking his head right back to the closet, face flushed.

 

Haruka tilted his head briefly, mildly amused at the action. “I have my jammers on,” he pointed out, realizing that Rin probably couldn’t see anything but torso and leg around the back of the chair.

 

“I-I know that!” Rin hissed awkwardly, dragging out a pair of black pants before looking for a t-shirt. “Wait, why are you wearing your jammers under your clothes, anyways? It’s like 7 p.m.”

 

“Mmm, they’re comfortable,” Haruka shrugged, glancing at a small, open notebook lying atop the desk, curious over whatever Rin had been working on earlier in the day.

 

“Okay, whatever. Anyways, this is one of my smaller t-shirts, hopefully it should fit alright,” Rin continued, folding both pants and shirt up in his arms before turning to look back at Haruka.

 

“Oh.”

 

“What is this?” Haruka asked, head tilting slightly to the side, blue eyes falling on Rin in curiosity, quickly realizing that just because it was open and lying out didn’t mean he should have peeked. “Sorry…”

 

“Ah, no, it’s fine,” Rin sighed, clothing-free hand immediately sliding to his neck, giving it a nervous, awkward rub. “It’s not… I mean… tch, I’m not embarrassed by it, exactly. Sousuke knows, so I didn’t really think to put it away. It’s just…”

 

“You don’t have to explain, Rin,” Haruka said quietly, hand moving to gently shut the spiral notebook, forcing his own curiosity at bay.

 

“Oi,” Rin sighed. “It’s a bucket list. Just stupid shit, really. It was… it was really hard to adjust to the real world after four years. I had no idea how to cope with everything, you know? Nothing was the same as when I disappeared, I was four years behind in school, most of my friends were scared of me, it just… it was hard...”

 

_“O-Oniichan? What… what is this?”_

_“Shit, fuck, Gou, what the hell are you doing in my room going through my personal stuff!? I didn’t tell you could be in here!”_

_“I came in here to get my library book you borrowed so I could return it. It’s due today and I didn’t know when you’d be back from therapy...”_

_“If you need something from my room then wait till I get home and ask me like a decent fucking person! Don’t go snooping around someone else’s room, shit, what’s wrong with you?”_

_“It’s not like it’s not addressed to me, oniichan! Why would you… why would you write something like this? You weren’t… you weren’t really going to give this to me, were you…?”_

_“…”_

_“Tell me you weren’t going to give this to me.”_

_“I…”_

_“_ Tell me you weren’t going to give this to me _! Because, because you_ better _not have been thinking about giving me this! I thought you were dead! Mom and I thought you were dead and, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life! We, we cried all the time! I still can’t hear the word Australia without bursting into tears! Mom would, she’d come into my room at night when, when she thought I was asleep and just sit by my bed and pet my hair and cry and you have no idea what we went through when we thought we’d lost you!  I-I blamed myself. We, we were playing hide and seek and I was the one that, that couldn’t find you! I was the one that lost you! Every birthday I wished to see you again. I made Sousuke wish for the same thing. I made every single one of my friends waste their stupid birthday wish on you coming home because you being gone was this giant, gaping, painful, raw hole in my chest that nothing,_ nothing _could come close to filling! I used to curl up in your bed and hug that, that stupid shark toy of yours from dad and just sob for hours because I felt so empty! I felt completely and utterly lost. I_ still _feel lost. M-My friends, they’d talk about growing up and having their weddings and… and all I could think was that I had… I had no one left to walk me down the aisle…”_

_“Gou…”_

_“I-I know you’ve been through hell and I know you’re lost and I know nothing is right and everything’s changed and nothing can make what happened to you go away but you don’t get to do this to me! To_ us _. To me and mom and Sousuke and all the people who, who were absolutely destroyed the day you disappeared! You don’t get to leave us again, not after four years, not after we finally got you back and I can finally hug you again. I don’t want a stupid, fucking useless letter saying how much you love me and you’re sorry you ‘couldn’t stick around longer.’ S-Someone has to walk me down the aisle and… and it has to be you…”_

_“Gou, I’m sorry. Please… please don’t cry anymore… I shouldn’t have-”_

_“Damn right you shouldn’t have! You have_ so _much to live for, oniichan...”_

_“I don’t think-“_

_“You do!”_

_“Gou…”_

_“We’re making a list! Right now. Together. Of all the things you always dreamed about doing. Big ones, small ones, I don’t care._ Everything _goes on that list, from the Olympics to getting married to graduating on time to, to finally catching up with the Harry Potter books because, because you need to have them read before the last one comes out next year! And you have to make me a promise. You don’t get to die while there are still boxes left unchecked.”_

_“Gou, I-“_

_“Promise me!”_

_“Gou, I can’t-“_

_“Promise me, oniichan!”_

_“I… I promise...”_

 

“Mmm, my sister came up with the idea. She wanted me to make a list of all the things I wanted to do before I die. All the things worth living for. Some are small and stupid and some are big and I just… I probably add way more than I check off at this point, honestly, but I guess it works as a goal of sorts. Every year for my birthday the two of us do something on my list. It’s kind of been our thing since I came home. It’s stupid, but…“

 

“It’s not stupid, Rin.”

  
“Ah, yeah. Thanks.” Silence settled between the pair for a moment before Rin snapped out of the awkward silence, walking over and presenting the neatly folded clothes to Haruka. “Here. You can use our shower if you want to wash up. Just make sure to use one of the red towels, not teal. Sousuke’s terrible about doing his laundry and I feel less bitter when I end up at least doing more of mine than his.”

 

“Thanks,” Haruka responded easily, taking the clothing in hand before heading towards the bathroom.

 

Once the water was hot he slipped out of his jammers, setting aside his clothing before dipping under the spray. He sighed in contentment as the water washed over him, glancing at his soap options. With a small smile he realized how easy it was to tell whose products were whose. Sousuke didn’t exactly seem like a cherry blossom kind of guy.

 

Curious, Haruka grabbed the bottle of body wash, popping the expensive looking product open and letting it waft under his nose. Despite the ostentatious, cherry blossom covered bottle, the scent was mild with a light, gingery, citrusy undercurrent. The floral smell was there, but subdued, and it was hard not to let his mind wander to when Rin had walked by earlier, fresh from the shower, leaving that sweet scent in his wake.

 

Against his better judgment he turned the bottle over, pouring a small amount into his palm before returning the bottle to its shelving, lathering it up in his palms and then rubbing his hands along his water-slick body.

 

Instantly he regretted the decision. The smell was overwhelming, but in a painfully, obnoxiously good kind of way. The fragrance filled the shower, smelling so much of Rin, the very same Rin who _had been naked in this exact shower all of 45 minutes earlier_ , that Haruka didn’t know what to do with himself.

 

“Crap…” he quietly hissed, letting the water wash over him as he leaned his head against the white wall tile, desperately attempting to will away the growing heat in the pit of his belly. This was stupid. _So_ stupid. And totally wrong. Getting an erection in your friend’s shower because it smelled like him was never, _ever_ an acceptable thing. Haruka may have had no people skills to speak of, but even _he_ knew this was entirely uncouth.

 

But knowing better didn’t stop his mind from wandering, from wondering how Rin’s ass looked out of those tight, form-fitting skinny jeans he was so partial to. Maybe what he’d look like if that low-hanged tank top fell just a little bit lower...

 

Haruka groaned pathetically, fighting the urge to let his hand rove lower, cursing his stupid dick for misbehaving after 22 years of faithful cooperation. With a frustrated groan he reached behind himself, taking a deep, bracing breath before flipping off the hot water entirely.

 

It took everything in his power not to cry out like an idiot as the wonderful warmth immediately shifted into frozen hell.

 

He forced himself to stay under the stream of water for another half a minute or so, any heat or sexual desire long gone by the time he stepped out of the shower, trembling pathetically. Immediately he grabbed one of those red towels, wrapping it around himself like a blanket, frowning in displeasure when he realized the stupid thing _also_ smelled like floral, cherry blossom-ish detergent.

 

Really, Rin?

 

With a sigh he patted down his body, working the towel through his hair before quickly tugging his jammers back on, followed by Rin’s borrowed clothing. Once again he could smell that faint detergent on the clothes, trying to force himself to just ignore it all as he tightened the drawstrings around his waist. Idly he rubbed at his arms, giving himself a final glance over in the mirror before carefully folding up his towel, holding it in his arms as he wandered back into the living room. “Where should I put this?” he asked, noting that the movie had been turned off and instead the Wii had been set up, the _Mario Party_ starting screen cheerfully chiming away. “ _Mario Party_?”

 

“Sometimes me and Sousuke like to test our friendship,” Rin grinned, climbing to his feet, walking over to meet Haruka, taking the towel into his hand. “I’ll go put this away for you,” he smiled, shifting around Haruka to disappear into the laundry room. Haruka watched him walk away before returning to the couch, taking his seat between Makoto and Sousuke, bracing for being mom’ed.

 

“Haru, you’re so cold! What happened?” Makoto gasped the moment he shifted and his shoulder brushed up along Haruka’s.

 

“Ran out of hot water,” Haruka lied, shrugging nonchalantly, reaching for one of the wii-motes as a much needed distraction.

 

“Ran out of hot water? We never run out of hot water…” Rin muttered thoughtfully as he wandered back into the room. Haruka swallowed hard, praying that his cheeks weren’t betraying his lie by flushing in embarrassment.

 

“Sure we do,” Sousuke shrugged, glancing over at Haruka and then back to Rin. “Usually only later at night, though. I’ve been stuck with a cold shower a couple times, too.”

 

Haruka’s eyes widened slightly before he immediately straightened his face, realizing that Makoto was looking at him.

 

Was Sousuke… covering for him?

 

“You should blowdry your hair, Haru. Do you guys have a blowdryer?” Makoto asked, glancing over top of Haruka, concerned gaze meeting Sousuke’s. “He’s going to get sick if he doesn’t properly dry off…”

 

“Yeah, it’s in the bathroom under the sink if you want to use it,” Rin offered before tugging his hoodie off over his head, tossing it at Haruka. “That should help, though. Sorry our shower sucks.”

 

Once again Rin vanished from the living room, leaving Haruka with an armful of black, soft fleece. Reluctantly he tugged it on, body immediately feeling warmer, the hoodie radiating hot, lingering body heat.

 

Mm, Rin apparently was a fiery redhead in every sense of the word…

 

“You should still dry your hair…” Makoto frowned, reaching out to check how damp Haruka’s hair still was, earning a gentle, petulant smack with the wii-mote as his hand was pushed away.

 

“I’m fine, Makoto.”

 

“Rin’s like a walking furnace, he’s probably already sweltering in that sweatshirt,” Sousuke joked.

 

Well, certainly wasn’t a lie.

 

Rin appeared back in the living room wearing a dark red replacement hoodie, moving to join the rest, grabbing one of the wii-motes from the coffee table as he plopped down gracelessly on the floor, centered between Haruka and Sousuke. A kick to his side had him turning around, glancing up at Sousuke in confusion. “What?”

 

“Your sister just told me to tell you that you’re a terrible brother and she doesn’t love you anymore because you forgot about your skype date tonight. Apparently you left your phone in our room again so she’s resorted to texting me instead, thanks,” Sousuke explained, holding up his cellphone in evidence.

 

“Wait, wha- Oh! Oh _shit_ , I’m so sorry, Gou!” Rin immediately hopped to his feet, glancing over at both Haruka and Makoto, eyes wild. “I’m so sorry, is it okay if I just hop on for like five minutes, say hi to my sister, and then we can start?”

 

“Of course, Rin,” Makoto smiled softly as Haruka nodded quietly in agreement.

 

“Thanks so much, I just… I can’t believe I forgot, jeez,” Rin rambled, dropping the wii-mote before disappearing to grab his laptop, returning and setting it on the coffee table before flipping it open and logging in.

 

“So it takes Sousuke-kun for you to finally check in with your sister, huh? You’re lucky I’ve had company to help me pass the time!”

 

“I’m so sorry, Gou! We have friends over and I just… I totally forgot. I’ll make it up to you somehow. Wait, you have someone over, too?”

 

“Hi Rinrin~!”

 

Haruka froze, glancing over at Makoto who returned his stare. “Nagisa?” they questioned at the same time, blue and green turning to stare at Rin, Haruka immediately ducking his head to peek at the webcam screen.

 

“Haru-chan!? Oh my god you know Rinrin?”

 

“Wait, you guys both know Nagisa…?”

 

“The girl Nagisa always tells us about is your sister?” Makoto stared.

 

“Oh my god this is so neat! It’s like the red string of fate but like… friendship and stuff! Everyone secretly knows everyone!” Gou squealed, attention darting back and forth between Nagisa and the webcam.

 

“This is weird…” Rin mumbled awkwardly, turning his computer screen a bit more so that Gou and Nagisa could see the entire group.

 

“How do you two know each other?” Makoto asked easily, smiling and giving the pair a friendly wave.

 

“Me an’ Gou-chan go to the same university! We ended up suffering through English class together and we’ve been besties ever since!” Nagisa boasted cheerfully, giving Gou a dramatic hug in a grand display of their friendship.

 

“Yup! Nagisa-kun is my bakery buddy!”

 

“Our goal is to get dessert at every bakery in Kyoto!”

 

“See, we even have a map!” Gou grinned, reaching behind the computer to grab something from her desk, proudly holding up a printed google map covered in tags, some red and some blue. “The red ones we’ve already tried, and the blue we still have to go to.”

 

“So how do you two know Rin-chan and Sou-chan?” Nagisa prodded, leaning towards the screen to get a better look at the group, staring with wide eyes.

 

Haruka sat in silence for a moment, mulling over his options, wondering how to explain how they met without _really_ explaining how they met. Some of his secrets were meant for Makoto to know only.

 

“Haru-chan and Rin met at school and then they introduced Sousuke and me and we all became friends after that,” Makoto explained with a soft smile. “It really is a small world, though. To think you found Gou and we found Rin in entirely different cities…”

 

“Extra weird is that Haru apparently knows Kisumi, too…”

 

“He does?” Sousuke blinked in surprise, glancing at Haruka.

 

“You know Kisumi?” Makoto stared at Rin, his sentiment parroted by Nagisa on the webcam.

 

“Yeah, the three of us went to elementary school together. Kisumi was one of the only two friends I had that stuck around after…” Rin paused briefly before continuing, “…after I got back from Australia.”

 

“Oh…” Haruka mumbled, suddenly feeling the slightest bit guilty over his shunning of Kisumi. Kisumi had always been annoying and touchy feely and able to somehow push all of his buttons at once, but if he’d been one of only two friends to treat Rin well after everything he’d been through… well…

 

“Red string of fate, damnit! Ugh, this is so crazy. We should all hang out some time, it’d be super fun!” Gou smiled brightly. “Maybe when I come visit for your birthday, oniichan?”

 

“That’d be great, Gou,” Rin smiled softly. “I’m sure everyone’d love to meet you.”

 

“Can I come too!?” Nagisa squeaked, face nuzzling hopefully against Gou’s cheek. “Gou-chan loves me! And I’ve always wanted to meet you in person, Rinrin! And Sou-chan, too!”

 

“If you’re okay with sleeping in the living room with Gou, I don’t see why not,” Rin shrugged, glancing up at Sousuke. “You cool with that?”

 

“Do I honestly ever say no to you?” Sousuke mumbled, kicking affectionately at Rin’s side, earning a soft smile.

 

“I mean, we could jan-ken-pon for it…”

 

“Nah, it’s fine. It’s your birthday, I don’t mind.”

 

“When’s your birthday, anyways?” Haruka asked quietly, glancing over at Rin.

 

“Uh, February 2nd.”

 

Haruka nodded silently to himself, glancing back at the computer screen as Nagisa and Gou squealed over the prospect of visiting Tokyo together, babbling back and forth about shopping and doing all the touristy things they’d never gotten around to.

 

“Anyways oniichan, Nagisa-kun and I better get going! The cookies we made aren’t going to bake themselves, and we still have to do our nails. Plus you should enjoy your boy’s night, okay? Just don’t do anything too crazy!”

 

“I think we both know which one of us should be worrying about the other doing something crazy tonight…” Rin grumbled, blatantly side-eying Nagisa.

 

“He’s right, Gou-chan. Mako-chan and Haru-chan are like sweet little kittens compared to me!” Nagisa grinned devilishly, affectionately sticking his tongue out at Rin.

 

“Just remember that I can’t afford to pay bail for two, and we both know which one of you I’ll be paying to spring.”

 

“Sou-chan?” Nagisa asked hopefully.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Mako-chan?”

 

“You know I can barely afford to pay my rent…”

 

“Ha-“

 

“No.”

 

“Awwww, fine. You guys are no fun! And stupid Rei-chan had to go run off to the US to go to some fancy school with his fancy chemical engineering program, so he’s not even awake right now to help. Way to ruin my night, guys!”

 

“How could your night possibly be ruined when I’m sitting right beside you?” Gou pouted dramatically, earning another over exuberant hug.

 

“Awww, you know I love you, Gou-chan! Anyways, we should get going, I’m hungry and it’s cookie time. Bye bye guys!”

 

“Bye everyone! Oh, and oniichan, stop forgetting your phone in your room, okay? I need you to keep it on you in case I see a cute cat that needs its picture shared. Oh! By the way, how is my adorable nephew?”

 

“He’s fine. On my bed being a lazy shit as usual. Anyways, go have fun you two,” Rin grumbled, shooing his hand at the pair.

 

“Okay okay! Night guys!” Gou and Nagisa waved, earning a chorus of ‘byes’ in return before disconnecting skype.

 

“Thanks for letting me do that…” Rin mumbled awkwardly, gently shutting the top of his laptop. “Anyways, though, _Mario Party_ time? I’m looking forward to kicking your collective asses,” he grinned, earning a snort from Sousuke.

 

"Psh, you wish. Me and Toad are going to absolutely _crush_ you." 

 

Haruka glanced over, sighing lightly as he watched Makoto sit up, eyes gleaming, well aware that he was about to be dragged into an all-out videogame bloodbath.

 

It was going to be a _long_ night.

 

And he couldn't help but smile at the prospect.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts, mention of suicide letter


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crap, I AM SLIGHTLY LATE. I was trying to get these two chapters up (yes two!) because of Christmas. I wanted to do the Christmas chapter on Christmas day aaaaand failed spectacularly, lol. Anyways, this isn't the Christmas chapter, but it IS Makoto's birthday, so happy late birthday, Mako-chan!

 

 

“C’mon Sousuke, kick some ass!”

 

“I’m never letting you live it down if you fuck up ball handling! I know why you take such long showers!”

 

“Win this and dinner’s on me, boo! All you can eat burgers and then whatever dessert you want!”

 

“…Will your mom even let you do that?”

 

“Eh, she’s back in Iwatobi, she doesn’t have to know.”

 

“Are you _really_ alright with this, Makoto?” Haruka frowned, glancing at the bundled up man beside him.

 

“Hm? Of course! I’ve never been to a football game, this is pretty fun,” Makoto smiled, rubbing gloved fingers together before cupping around his mouth to yell out an enthusiastic, “You can do it, Sousuke!”

 

“But it’s your birthday…” Haruka mumbled with a shrug, glancing down the bleachers at the match below them. The entire afternoon had been completely spur-of-the-moment. At Wednesday’s meeting he’d been chatting with Rin when Rin had suggested that he and Makoto come watch Sousuke’s final football match of the season. Apparently after injuring his shoulder by overtraining and being forced to retire from swimming, Sousuke had decided to stay in shape by joining one of the intramural football clubs. He, Rin and Kisumi had played as children, and he’d always enjoyed the sport, and with a messed up rotator cuff but perfectly healthy legs, he’d seen the opportunity and run with it.

 

Initially Haruka had refused the offer, partially because he didn’t really care (not to mention Kisumi would be present), but mostly because it was Makoto’s 22nd birthday and not even Rin could pull him away from his best friend’s side on said best friend’s birthday. But Friday movie night had come around and Wednesday’s conversation had come up, and Makoto had instantly jumped on the idea of attending the match. Haruka should have realized, really, because there was absolutely no limit to the amount of excessive, unselfish support Makoto could and would shower on his friends. And at some point they had all become that: friends.

 

“It is. Which is why I want to spend it with my friends,” Makoto sighed affectionately, a sweet contentment settling in his voice as Kisumi and Rin resumed their half-cheering/half-heckling of Sousuke.

 

“Alright,” Haruka responded quietly, letting his attention drift to Rin’s backside, watching Rin and Kisumi hang over the fencing while yelling mildly inappropriate things at their friend.

 

“I’m really happy right now,” Makoto whispered, voice soft and low, eyes on the field while his attention settled on Haruka. “It’s nice to be able to see Kisumi again, you know? Middle school was… it was a hard time. I was hyper-focused on things in a way that wasn’t healthy for either of us. It all got into my head and I just made a mess of things. High school really wasn’t much better, I don’t think. Well a bit, I suppose. Nagisa helped a lot. Rei too. But the way things are right now, I just feel a lot more confident, I guess? Not everything’s right, of course, but it’s just starting to feel a bit better.”

 

Haruka blinked in surprise at the quiet sentiment, blue eyes drifting over to Makoto, noting the soft smile on those lips and the ease on that brow. They didn’t talk about middle school much, and even high school was a limited topic for the pair of them. It’d been a struggle. They’d spent years on a headlong collision course for disaster, loving one another as family while at the same time enabling every negative trait the other had. But once the smoke had settled and they’d arrived in Tokyo, close but at different schools with much needed physical distance between them, everything had begun to click into a much healthier place.

 

And then the nightclub had happened and everything had fallen apart all over again. He’d been _so_ horrible to Makoto those first few weeks.

 

“I’m sorry,” Haruka mumbled lowly, squirming slightly in his seat, eyes drifting back to Rin because it was a comforting, safe place to look.

 

“Hm? Sorry for what, Haru-chan?” Makoto asked in quiet confusion, frowning slightly as he glanced over.

 

_Being a burden. Being dependent. Being an asshole._

 

“Blaming you.”

 

“Oh,” Makoto whispered back, voice weak and strained with a small, hopeful undertone.

 

_I forgive you. I need to forgive you and you deserve my forgiveness and it wasn’t your fault, none of this was your fault. There was no way for you to know what would happen and you’re not my parent, it’s not your job to take care of me. It’s neither of our faults. Just look at my stupid list. That box is checked. I don’t blame either of us anymore._

 

He couldn’t make the words come out, however, instead refocusing his gaze on Rin and Kisumi jumping up and down together in a half hug, screaming good job at Sousuke for, presumably, defending the goal.

 

“Thank you, Haru,” Makoto finally said, letting the conversation die comfortably, instead rising to his feet and shuffling over to join the other two in the loud cheering.

 

Left alone with his thoughts, Haruka leaned back on the bleachers, resting his hands beside him in the metal seating, sighing in quiet relief over Makoto’s understanding.

 

Makoto was right, really. Despite what had happened five months ago, everything _was_ starting to feel better. His friendship with Makoto had included ups and downs over the years, but currently it just felt so _right_. Makoto befriending Sousuke, reconnecting with Kisumi, it had given him access to friendships outside of their own that he desperately needed. It created the space Haruka had craved all his life. Makoto never stopped being there for him, but Makoto eased up. He was less tense over everything. Still concerned, of course, Makoto could never change who he was as a person (and Haruka would never wish for that regardless), but his excessive nervousness had certainly begun to abate.

 

Haruka suspected that being able to talk to Sousuke worked similarly to his own ability to speak to Rin. He and Makoto had experienced two sides of the same trauma in the same way that Sousuke and Rin had. It may have been him waking up disoriented and terrified in that hotel room, but it’d been Makoto who had spent six hours wandering the streets of Tokyo, calling him incessantly, leaving sobbing, terrified voicemail after voicemail on his phone.

 

That night hadn’t been hell just for him. Makoto had suffered, too.

 

But despite sharing the same trauma, they didn’t share the same experiences, and it was impossible for them to talk to one another about what had happened.

 

But for Makoto, Sousuke was able to fill that void. To provide understanding.

 

Sousuke and Makoto had been drawn to one another when they’d first met, content to spend the entire beach barbeque together, chatting like old friends (and then beating the crap out of one another in volleyball for good measure). Sousuke knew what Makoto had been through, could understand the same types of grief, of fear, of blaming and self-loathing.

 

Just like how Rin, however different their traumas may have been, provided an aching, soul-deep comfort for Haruka. He had never bothered telling Rin what had happened to him (and in hindsight it didn’t really feel appropriate, given how Rin had suffered), but the silent understanding was far more important than the sharing of details. Rin was like this weird safety net; he was quietly supportive, ready to catch Haruka if he ever fell, yet never pushing for more information.

 

Always just a phone call away. Any time, day or night.

 

“Haru?”

 

Was it too early to start feeling better? Less than a half a year ago he’d felt like his world was ripping apart at the seams, that the threads binding him together had frayed, that he’d never feel anything but disgusted ever again. He couldn’t sleep, could barely eat, even mackerel had become moderately disgusting. The water _hated_ him. He’d wanted to hide in his bathtub forever, to seek comfort in the only place left that made him feel even remotely clean.

 

Today he hadn’t even bothered with taking a bath.

 

“…Haru?”

 

Had he not suffered enough? Grieved enough? The nightmares hadn’t gone away but… but he’d begun to start feeling normal again.

 

Maybe this was okay, though. Maybe it was the right time to start moving on. It’d been months, after all. What were the stages of grief, again? Did rape work the same as death? Were the stages the same? Was grief considered the same thing as coping?

 

“Oi, Haru, you okay?” Rin questioned, voice laced with concerned as he leaned in close to get a good look at Haruka’s face.

 

“Hm?” Haruka mumbled out, glancing up at Rin in confusion, pulling back slightly in surprised when he realized how close their faces were.

 

“You weren’t responding to your name. You sure you’re okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Haruka shrugged, glancing up at the three men staring back at him, mild confusion settling in his eyes.

 

“Game’s over,” Kisumi offered with a laugh. “Too distracted to watch Sousuke’s game winning save, huh?”

 

“Sorry,” Haruka mumbled, watching Rin pull away, only to have a warm hand extended to him.

 

“C’mon, then. We’re going to grab food at Kisumi’s mom’s restaurant.”

 

“I now owe Sousuke dinner _and_ Makoto a birthday cake,” Kisumi laughed. “I really should have only offered one burger if he won. He’s going to eat me out of my paycheck, isn’t he?”

 

“Probably,” Rin grinned, tugging Haruka to his feet once he’d taken the proffered hand, immediately slinging his arm affectionately around Haruka’s shoulder. “Anyways, I’m starving. Plus Sousuke and I have to give Makoto his very-last-minute-because- _someone_ -failed-to-tell-us-it-was-his-birthday-until-last-night present. Let’s go grab Sousuke and head out.”

 

\--

 

“ _Rio_?” Makoto asked with a snort of amusement, twinkling eyes glancing between Rin and Sousuke.

 

“Well, we figured after the _Halloween_ fiasco that it’d be safer to just roll with animated kid movies for movie nights,” Sousuke teased lightly, popping a fry into his mouth and chewing leisurely.

 

“Someone has to think of the safety and well-being of Haru’s poor crotch,” Rin snickered, earning a raised eyebrow from Kisumi. “Plus the next summer Olympics are in Rio, just sayin’.”

 

“Haru’s crotch? What the hell do you guys do during these so-called ‘movie nights’ anyways? And why, pray tell, have I never been invited to one before?” Kisumi pouted affectionately, taking the DVD from Makoto’s hand and flipping it over to read the back.

 

“Because you’re annoying,” Sousuke provided helpfully, rolling his eyes as Kisumi gasped in faux offense.

 

“So _cold_ , Sousuke!”

 

“Makoto got scared last month when we were watching _Halloween_ and accidentally dumped his beer in Haru’s lap,” Rin offered in amusement, taking a bite out of his kimchi burger.

 

“Th-they didn’t warn me it was a horror movie!” Makoto pouted, taking an aggressive stab at his chocolate birthday cake before shoving a hunk into his mouth.

 

“Ooooh, yeah, you can’t do that with Makoto. Gotta prepare him for horror movies so he can spend the entire movie hiding behind Haru,” Kisumi chuckled.

 

“I am not that bad!”

 

“Grade 7, Asahi’s birthday party.”

 

“No 12-year-old should be forced to watch one of the _Final Destination_ movies! I barely slept for a week after that!”

 

“Watching terrifying movies is what you do at sleep overs, c’mon now. How were we supposed to know you’d end up having a nightmare and wet yourself in your sleep? Poor, poor Haru.”

 

“…You peed on Haru?” Sousuke snickered, glancing over as Rin who was choking back laughter beside him.

 

“I was a _kid_! And I didn’t pee _on_ him I just peed next to hi- oh my god this is the worst birthday ever,” Makoto whined pathetically.

 

“None of it got on me,” Haruka reassured nonchalantly, taking a small bite of his mackerel burger. Oddly, he liked the salmon better. Not everyone could make mackerel right, he supposed.

 

“ _So_ not helping, Haru…”

 

“Awww, it’s okay Makoto, we’ve all done embarrassing things before,” Rin laughed. “Sousuke got lost in our elementary school five months into the school year. A teacher found him wandering the hallway about to cry and had to escort him back to his classroom.”

 

“Hey! There was a line to the bathroom and I really had to piss so I went to a side of the building I’d never been to. Why are you dragging me into this anyways, asshole? Like you’re one to talk, Mr. tried-to-show-off-how-good-he-was-at-back-and-knocked-himself-out-when-he-miscalculated-and-ended-up-headbutting-the-pool-wall.”

 

“I blacked out for like two seconds and every kid learning backstroke hits the wall at some point!”

 

“Not when they’ve been swimming it for three years already…”

 

“Oooh, this is fun! Haru stole our class goldfish and released it into a nearby pond because he wanted it to be free!” Kisumi grinned cheerfully, earning a sour frown from Haruka.

 

“…The tank was too small.”

 

“The fish probably died from stress after you dumped it into a random pond. Good job, Haru,” Sousuke laughed.

 

“Kisumi laughed so hard at lunch once that strawberry milk came out of his nose,” Haruka sighed. “Ruined my mackerel…”

 

“You got it all over Haru’s lunch?” Rin snorted, hand covering his mouth to try to hide his uncontrollable laughter.

 

“It’s not like you can aim it!”

 

“Well I guess we’re all even now, at least?” Makoto beamed, face still flushed from laughter as he took another large bite of his cake.

 

“Did you bring your present for Makoto, Haru?” Rin asked, nudging at Haruka under the table with the toes of his sneakers in curiosity.

 

“Hm? Yeah…” Haruka glanced up from his burger, looking at Rin and then Makoto.

 

“You going to give it to him? Or not. You don’t have to if it’s too personal or something…” Rin backtracked awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck.

 

Haruka shrugged, leaning under the table to grab his backpack, dragging out a pristinely wrapped box and handing it to Makoto. “Happy birthday, Makoto.”

 

“Haru, you didn’t have to…” Makoto chided softly, carefully taking the meticulously prepared gift, opening it with a small gasp of surprise. “Haru…”

 

“What is it?” Rin asked, nosily leaning over the table to eye the box. “Woah! Did you draw this, Haru? It’s stunning!”

 

“Dang, is that really what the twins look like now? They’ve gotten huge! Though I guess you’d probably say the same about Hayato if you saw him…” Kisumi gawked, eyes on the photorealistic portrait of the Tachibana family smiling and goofing off around the dinner table.

 

“This was Obon, wasn’t it?” Makoto whispered softly, smiling gently at Haruka, watching as his head turn away uncomfortably as he gave a slight nod. “After we visited our grandparents…”

 

Again Haruka nodded, quickly distracting himself with the remaining half of his burger.

 

“Thank you, Haru. Thank you everyone,” Makoto smiled, bowing his head to his friends, faint blush spreading over his cheeks.

 

“Awww, you don’t need to thank us, Makoto. We all love you, of course we’re going to shower you with birthday gifts!” Kisumi giggled, reaching over to muss up Makoto’s hair affectionately. “Given I only got you a cake but hey, it’s something!”

 

“It’s really delicious, Kisumi…”

 

“So, what do you want to do after dinner, birthday boy?” Rin asked, setting the final third of his burger down on Sousuke’s plate in open invitation. “Unless you have other plans.”

 

“Ah no, I don’t. I’m not really sure? I figured Haru and I would end up watching a movie or something,” Makoto shrugged. “We didn’t really make a lot of plans.”

 

“Really Haru?” Rin laughed, playfully toeing Haruka under the table. “Couldn’t even come up with anything to do on your best friend’s birthday?”

 

“I was going to do whatever he wanted…” Haruka mumbled in displeasure, lightly tapping Rin’s foot back. The right thing was to let the birthday boy decide, right?

 

“Oh no, it was fine! That’s not really how Haru and I work, honestly. I would have been fine with just hanging out at my apartment or something…”

 

“We could go see a movie, maybe?” Kisumi offered, glancing among the table for any yeas or nays.

 

“So long as it’s not a horror movie. I don’t want to get pissed on,” Sousuke offered between bites of Rin’s burger, snickering lowly as Makoto flushed a bright red.

 

“Oi, Sousuke, play nice!” Rin barked, kicking Sousuke under the table while trying not to laugh.

 

“Better not be a romance, either. Getting cried on isn’t much better,” Sousuke mumbled, side-eying Rin, watching Rin’s face redden in embarrassment.

 

“You’re so sweet to your friends, Sousuke,” Kisumi snickered.

 

“Why don’t we just go to the theater and pick whatever’s playing next?” Haruka offered, glancing among the group. The day had been surprisingly fun and he didn’t see any reason to end it quite yet.

 

“That sounds like a good plan, Haru. Just… not if the next movie is a horror movie, okay?”

 

“Alright, let’s do that, then. I’ll get us the check and then we can head out! Movie time~!”

 

\--

 

“Mmm, Rin, why the hell is your phone going off…” Sousuke mumbled, voice thick with sleep, a string of intelligible words grumbling out lowly as he awkwardly squeezed his roommate closer. They’d already stayed out well past their bedtime for Makoto’s birthday, why did someone have to choose _this_ night to call at weird hours?

 

“Unghh, dunno. S’two in the morning, what the hell…” Rin whined, burying his head into his pillow.

 

“Turn it off, asshole,” Sousuke groaned, head lolling lazily against Rin’s upper back.

 

“Ugh, fuuuuuck, it’s gotta be important if someone’s calling at this hour…” Rin whimpered into his pillow, finally reaching back to shove Sousuke’s arm away before slipping out of bed with a pathetic groan. Immediately he fumbled for his cellphone, still ringing loudly from his bedside table, sliding it open before bringing it to his ear. “’ello?”

 

Rin blinked slowly, trying to work himself awake, hearing shaky breathing on the other end but no words.

 

“Who is it?” Sousuke asked, voice still heavy with sleep.

 

“Dunno…” Rin mumbled, taking the phone from his ear and finally glancing at the screen, red eyes squinting, offended by the light. “Haru?” he asked, bringing the phone back to his ear. “Haru, is that you?” he frowned, suddenly feeling wide-awake.

 

“Is Haru okay?” Sousuke mumbled into his pillow.

 

“Y-Yeah, just go back to sleep, Sou,” Rin ordered, reaching for the hoodie he’d left draped over the back of his desk chair, tugging it on over his pajamas before slipping out of the bedroom. “Haru, are you there?” he asked quietly, voice low and soothing, frown marring his brow.

 

“I…”

 

Rin froze midstep, waiting patiently for Haruka to continue, teeth worrying at his lower lip as he ran his free hand through his bed-mussed hair.

 

“I... I can’t remember…”

 

“Can’t remember what, Haru?” Rin whispered as he made his way over to the couch, taking a careful seat, trying to keep his voice steady and calm.

 

“I’m never going to know who… who…”

 

Rin swallowed hard, wincing at the heavy, shaky breathing on the other end of the line.

 

“How can… how can I check all these stupid boxes when I don’t even know who he _is_ , Rin…?”

 

For a moment Rin froze, unsure of how to respond, mind racing. “Do you need me to come over?” Rin finally asked, voice laced with worry. “Just say the word and I’m there.”

 

Rin could hear movement on the other end of the phone, taking a moment to realize that Haruka was shaking his head no. “Just stay for a bit…” Haruka sighed out weakly, voice thick with unshed tears.

 

“Y-Yeah, of course,” Rin promised, hand squeezing around that phone as he curled his knees up to his chest, struggling to figure out what else to say. He had to say something, though, to keep the conversation going for Haruka. Shit, Haruka had seemed absolutely fine a few hours ago when they’d separated. What the hell had happened? “Haru, do you ever watch movies in English?” he finally asked, hearing the familiar shifting on the other end.

 

“When I was in Australia-“

 

“Rin…”

 

“-Let me finish. When I was in Australia, I spent the majority of my days watching TV, even though all the channels were obviously in English. It’s how I learned it so well, honestly. When I was there, I basically watched any movie they were playing because it was something to do, you know? I mean I had some books to read but I got through all those pretty quickly… Anyways, so, there’s this really famous old American movie called _The_ _Wizard of Oz_ , right? Have you heard of it before?”

 

“…I-I think so…”

 

“Okay, good. So at the start of the movie, there’s this girl named Dorothy, who lives on a farm with her aunt and uncle and her dog, Toto,” Rin stopped for a moment, a swell of embarrassment bubbling up in his chest before he pushed himself to continue, to keep talking for Haruka. “Anyways, there’s this scene early on where she’s dreaming of going to a magical, wonderful, happy place, and she sings this beautiful song about going over the rainbow to where dreams become reality.”

 

Rin paused again, swallowing hard, trying to banish away any lingering thoughts about what had happened before carefully continuing. “I guess it’s kind of dumb in hindsight, but when I was a kid and I first heard it, it just really… I don’t know, it’s totally dumb, but it really impacted me, I guess? Made me feel better, stupid as it was. How does a movie make you feel better in a situation like that? But somehow it really did. So whenever I was at my lowest or most scared, I’d sing that stupid song to myself and it’d take some of the pain away, at least for a little while.”

 

Rin paused for a moment, swallowing hard before continuing, “I… I’m no Judy Garland but, but do you want to hear it, maybe…?”

 

“Y-yeah…”

 

Rin nodded against the phone, taking a shaky, nervous little breath. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, honestly. It was so dumb. _So_ dumb. But he had to do something, to say something, because Haruka _needed_ him to keep going. “ _S-somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby,_ ” Rin paused briefly, voice cracking periodically with nerves before he pressed on, taking a slow breath before continuing. “ _Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true._ ”

 

With no response from Haruka he tentatively continued, voice muddled with exhaustion and nerves. “ _Someday I'll wish upon a star, and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me_.”

 

He could hear Haruka humming quietly on the other end of the line, the affirmation goading him on, voice settling as the nerves began to shed away, growing increasingly comfortable with the one-man audience listening in. “ _Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly, birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh, why can't I? If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why, oh, why can't I_?” he finished, cheeks flushing slightly in embarrassment, quickly devolving back into awkwardness over his own stupidity. “Tch, that was so stupid. I just…”

 

“Sing it for me again, Rin?”

 

Rin’s mouth gaped in shock for a moment at the request, but with an awkward nod and another hard swallow, he refocused. “Uhm, yeah, of course. Anything you want, Haru.”

 

This time he made it through the song without his voice breaking, easing through the familiar words, voice gentle and warm and soft.

 

Once he sang that final note he sat in silence, listening to the slow, easy breathing on the other end of the line. “Haru?” he asked quietly, holding the phone close to his ear, his only response some gentle, calm, sleeping breaths. With a small smile he pulled his phone away, glancing at the screen before returning the device to his ear. “Good night, Haru…” he whispered, listening to that soft breathing for another peaceful moment before carefully slipping his phone shut.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: mentions of a panic attack


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, the actual Christmas chapter! Heads up, this is a pretty silly chapter but I mean, c'mon, it's Christmas!!

 

 

If there was one thing Haruka was thankful for, it was the utter silence on Rin’s behalf. Not once had that phone call been brought up between them. The next time they’d seen one another Rin had simply smiled, settling into their usual, easy banter, and pretended that nothing had happened at all.

 

To be honest Haruka still couldn’t honestly explain what _had_ happened, no matter how hard he tried to make sense of it. He’d been fine that morning, happy even, pleased to spend Makoto’s birthday just relaxing and having fun as a group. He’d felt strong, like he was overcoming everything, finally able to move on. And then he’d gone home alone, decided to put his new-found confidence to use, intent on finally checking off a few of those pesky boxes on his recovery checklist.

 

And promptly everything had come crashing down around him.

 

He didn’t understand it, really, how quickly he could go from confident to shattered, and yet somehow he’d managed to run the gamut in under twelve hours. He was almost impressed with himself. 

 

“So what do you guys have planned for your winter break?” Aki asked, leaning over in her chair, eyes settled on Rin and Haruka. “I have five days of kicking my brother’s butt in video games planned. He thinks just because he’s older he’s better. Psh, yeah right.”

 

“Oh, I’m going to go home and see my mom. My sister’s coming in from Kyoto, too, so it’ll be nice. I haven’t seen her in person since Bon. What about you, Haru?” Rin asked, eyes shifting from the notebook on his lap to the man beside him.

 

“Mmm, I still have training, but I’ll probably go back with Makoto for New Years for a couple of days.”

 

“So you’ll be in Iwatobi for a few days, too?” Rin questioned thoughtfully.

 

“Mmhmm,” Haruka nodded, glancing at Rin’s lap. “What are you working on?” he finally asked, gesturing at Rin's lap.

 

“English homework?” Aki offered, peering over as well.

 

“This? Oh, no, they’re Christmas cards. Or well, the cards are at home, I’m just trying to figure out what to write on them,” Rin laughed. “I procrastinated. I have to get them out today and just hope they make it there in time with express shipping or whatever.”

 

“Christmas cards…?” Haruka echoed.

 

“Oh, yeah. I send one to Russell and Lori every Christmas,” Rin paused briefly, noticing the twin stares of confusion before realizing he needed to elaborate. “Uhm, Lori was the nurse that took care of me at Sydney’s Children Hospital, and Russell was one of the cops that helped me. I was still in the hospital over Christmas so Russell made some barbeque and brought it by for Lori, my mom and me. He brought their new puppy, too. They’re probably the nicest people I’ve ever met…” Rin said softly, small smile gracing his lips.

 

“That’s really sweet, Rin!” Aki cooed softly.

 

“I also send one to Miss Emily. Well… I send it to Lori and then she delivers it to the women’s shelter. She’s the one that found me. But anyways, I just… it’s the least I can do, I guess,” Rin shrugged, flushing under the scrutiny.

 

“Seriously, that’s ridiculously nice of you. You’re such a good kid,” Aki teased, mussing up Rin’s hair, hat and all, earning a yelp and a smack.

 

“Oi, knock it off!” Rin groused, fixing his beanie irritably. “Anyways, you’re still coming tonight, right Haru?”

 

“Do I have a choice?” Haruka sighed, earning a confused stare from Aki.

 

“What’s tonight?”

 

“Our friend’s throwing a Christmas party tonight. Well, I guess not really a party, there are only a few of us going, but he decided that we all need to experience an authentic ‘American Christmas.’ Have you heard of Secret Santa? Because apparently it’s a thing over there,” Rin snorted, finally closing his notebook full of scribbles.

 

“Secret Santa? What’s that?”

 

“Basically a group of friends all put their names in a hat. Then everyone draws a name, and they’re responsible for playing Santa for whoever’s name they draw. There’s a 3000 yen spending limit on the gift so it doesn’t get out of control or anything, and then at the party everyone exchanges gifts and Secret Santas are revealed.”

 

“That… actually sounds like a lot of fun!” Aki laughed, glancing at the pair of them. “So who did you guys get?”

 

“If we told you it’d no longer be a secret,” Haruka scoffed quietly.

 

“Yeesh! Fine, fine, I’ll check back after break,” she huffed, waving dismissively at them. “So, what we got for snacks today, anyways?”

 

“Assorted breads. Feel free to have at it, the others should be here soon,” Rin gestured towards the table behind him in amusement, laughing quietly as Aki perked up at the offer of free food, disappearing to go grab some. “So, we still going over to Kisumi’s together? Or did you want to head over with Makoto? I mean that’s cool, I can just head over by myself, Sousuke’s ju-”

 

“Of course we are,” Haruka blinked in mild confusion. They’d already discussed this a few days ago, hadn’t they? Why was Rin suddenly questioning their plans?

 

“R-Really? Good. I mean I know we talked about it, just…” Rin’s voice trailed off, hand awkwardly drifting to the nape of his neck before refocusing on his notebook, quickly shutting it.

 

“We already said we would,” Haruka reiterated quietly, frowning slightly. Did Rin not want to go over together? It was just a train ride.

 

“Yeah no, you’re right,” Rin laughed quietly, glancing down at his notebook and then to the door, giving a small wave to Aiichirou and Chigusa as they walked through the door. “Did you remember to bring your present?”

 

“Of course,” Haruka nodded towards his backpack, his meticulously wrapped present carefully tucked away.

 

“Yeah, I got mine too. I’m kind of excited, really. I want to see what everyone got everyone,” Rin grinned, glancing up and saying a quick ‘hey’ to Kazuki and Takuya as they wandered in together. “Plus I was promised a mountain of ham, which is honestly all that really matters.”

 

“Mm, I wonder what he has planned…” Haruka mused to himself, never one to trust Kisumi not to pull out something crazy. Kisumi had a habit of having weird tricks up his sleeve at all times.

 

Haruka couldn't say he particularly liked it.

 

“Who knows, this is Kisumi we’re talking about,” Rin laughed, tapping his fingers idly along the top of his notebook, glancing over at Haruka, and then back to the door as Amakata made her way into the room.

 

“Alright kids, anyone got anything they want to talk about today?”

 

\--

 

“Damn, I was too slow!” Kisumi pouted as soon as he opened the door, a small stepladder in hand.

 

“Err, Kisumi, what is that?” Rin questioned, gaze on the leaves bundled in Kisumi’s hand, eyebrow quirked.

 

“Nothing, nothing! Merry Christmas, guys! Come in come in,” Kisumi beamed, ushering the pair into his apartment. “Asahi isn’t here tonight so the place is all ours! There’re drinks in the fridge if you want something. Oh! And presents can go under the Christmas tree, of course. But make sure you don’t see one another’s gift! Just in case you drew each other, you know? Can’t spoil the surprise!”

 

The room was bedazzled with garlands and strings of white lights, shoddily made paper snowflakes hanging around for dramatics. Kisumi had clearly gone all out, switching out the throw blanket strewn over the couch with a festive red-and-green one, the Christmas tree set off in the corner, small but well decorated with both lights and ornaments.

 

 “Well this is certainly festive,” Rin chuckled, toeing off his shoes and hanging up his coat before heading towards the small fake tree, tugging a small present from his backpack before slipping it underneath the thing, making sure to nestle it among the presents already under the tree. “Howl would go nuts for those ornaments…”

 

Haruka echoed Rin’s movements, quickly putting his own shoes and coat away before removing his present from his backpack and setting his bag aside, moving to slide the small gift under the tree. He glanced over when he realized Kisumi had unfolded the stepladder, working away at taping whatever the bundle of leaves was above the door.

 

“Man it smells good in here…” Rin mumbled, glancing over at Haruka. “You want a drink, Haru?” Rin asked, about to step through the kitchen door until he realized what Haruka was staring at. “Seriously Kisumi, what _is_ that?”

 

“This, my dear friends, is mistletoe,” Kisumi grinned, finishing tying the bundle up before stepping off the ladder and folding it back up in hand.

 

“ _That’s_ what mistletoe actually looks like?” Rin blinked, head tilting to the side. “Wait! You’re seriously going to stick mistletoe all over your apartment and try to catch us all under it?”

 

“I don’t get it,” Haruka mumbled, brow furrowed in mild confusion. What was mistletoe? What was Rin so worried about? It was just a little weird plant, right? “What’s mistletoe?”

 

“…Perhaps,” Kisumi smirked, deftly walking across the living room, moving to step around Rin in the kitchen’s doorway. “Oh dear, it appears that we have both happened to end up under the doorframe at the same time together, Rin. It also appears that we happen to be underneath a strange, kissing plant called mistletoe.”

 

“… Don’t even think about it, Kisumi.”

 

“But Rin, it’s Christmas!”

 

“Christmas isn’t for another week!”

 

“What’s mistletoe?” Haruka repeated in confusion, watching the odd stand-off in the kitchen door in mild fascination. Kissing plant? Wait, was Kisumi going to kiss Rin?

 

“A sexual harassment plant is what it is,” Rin grumbled, shoving his hand in Kisumi’s face as his snickering friend attempted to lean in for a quick kiss. “Not a chance in hell, Kisumi.”

 

“Just a kiss on the cheek, Rinrin!”

 

“No! I swear to god Kisumi I am going to beat your ass in if you spend the entire night trying to mack on me!”

 

“I could mack on Haru-chan instead, if you’d prefer.”

 

“No!”

 

“…Is that Rin yelling?”

 

“I’m almost afraid to knock on the door, Makoto…”

 

Haruka blinked, glancing away from the wrestling match that was starting up in the kitchen doorframe to eye the front door. Leaving Rin and Kisumi to solve their own issues, he shrugged and walked over to the front door, swinging it open and glancing at Makoto and Sousuke. “Hi.”

 

“Hi, Haru.” Sousuke gave a small wave of a greeting as he and Makoto stepped inside.

 

“You stepped under the mistletoe together, you have to kiss!” Kisumi squealed in amusement from his position, pinned against the kitchen doorframe by Rin.

 

“Wait why?” Makoto stared, glancing at Sousuke then Haruka and then Kisumi, face beginning to flush.

 

“… Why does Rin have Kisumi in a headlock?” Sousuke started, shaking his head to himself, unsure if he really wanted to know. "And why does Kisumi have a stool?"

 

“Apparently the sexual harassment plant says you have to,” Haruka explained, shrugging at his best friend as he stepped aside so they could remove their coats and shoes. 

 

“The sexual harassment plant…?”Makoto blinked, glancing up at the doorframe in confusion.

 

“Come on, kiiiiiisss!” Kisumi goaded, yelping as Rin squeezed down on him, a pathetic little wheeze squeaking out.

 

Sighing, Sousuke rolled his eyes, turning to give Makoto a quick peck on the cheek (ignoring Kisumi’s breathless cheers) before stepping inside the apartment and slipping off his shoes and coat.

 

“Are you coming, Makoto?” Haruka asked blandly, waiting for his roommate to stop being flushed and frozen in place so he could close the apartment door.

 

“Y-Yes, of course, Haru!” Makoto laughed awkwardly, stumbling quickly into the apartment and focusing on removing his shoes.

 

Haruka glanced over at Sousuke, finally realizing just how big the present in Sousuke’s arms was, unable to help but curiously stare. “Why is your present so big?”

 

“You’re going to have to wait and see,” Sousuke shrugged, setting it next to the other, noticeably smaller presents under the mini tree.

 

“I didn’t realize you two were coming together,” Rin said in surprise, finally releasing Kisumi from his chokehold.

 

“Sousuke and I ran into one another on the way here.”

 

“But you guys were coming from completely different directions… Wait. He got lost and ended up going the wrong way, didn’t he?” Rin sighed, shaking his head.

 

“M-Maybe…” Makoto laughed awkwardly, earning an irritable scowl from Sousuke.

 

“So anyways! Welcome to my apartment, guys. Drinks are in the fridge, help yourself to anything that suits your fancy. As you can tell by the absolutely fantastic smell, dinner’s in the oven and should be done soon. I also made gingerbread men so we can make dessert together!”

 

“Gingerbread men?” Makoto asked as he made his way across the living room to add the final present to the pile.

 

“Yup! Americans make gingerbread men and stuff by using the dough, baking it, and then piping on frosting!”

 

“…We’re not five, you know,” Rin pointed out, snorting in mild amusement.

 

“Scared you’re going to make the ugliest gingerbread man?” Haruka questioned, voice low, laced with the amused competitiveness that had slowly begun to come out between them. He couldn’t help it. Picking on Rin was _fun._

 

“Psh! My gingerbread man would be awesome,” Rin balked. “Sure, yours’ll probably look better because you’re an artist and shit, but my gingerbread man will have soul! Looks don’t matter, heart does!”

 

“He’ll probably look slow,” Haruka deadpanned. “You can’t even draw a tree.”

 

“Hey!” Rin snapped, unable to keep the laughter out of his voice. “Fine, you’re on, Nanase. Best gingerbread maker wins!”

 

“Well that escalated quickly…” Sousuke sighed, stepping around everyone to go grab a cola from the fridge, taking his jaunt into the kitchen as in invitation to start exploring what was for dinner. “Mmm, ham, smells so good…”

 

“Damn right it does!” Kisumi beamed. “It’s my mom’s honey glazed ham recipe. It is to die for delicious, so you can all thank me later.”

 

“Everything you’re making is one of your mom’s recipes? Score!” Rin grinned excitably.

 

“Yup! Got ham, cranberry sauce, vegetable casserole and mashed potatoes! Plus I also have some super delicious mulled apple cider brewing away. Don’t worry, I didn’t booze it up just yet. You two non-drinkers can have your share and I’ll add the rum later for us adults.”

 

“Why do I have the feeling the so-called ‘adults’ here are the ones who are going to need to be taken care of later?” Rin grumbled, pointedly side-eying his friends.

 

“Because it’s probably true,” Sousuke shrugged, taking a sip of his freshly opened can of cola.

 

“Anyways, why don’t we get the table set and then eat dinner and then make cookies and while they bake open presents! I want to see what everyone got one another,” Kisumi grinned, glancing over at the pile of presents shoved beneath the small Christmas tree. “I’m really curious about Sousuke’s.”

 

“You guys are too fixated on size…” Sousuke mumbled, shaking his head at the other three.

 

“Well, bigger _is_ better,” Kisumi teased lightly, eyebrow waggling teasingly.

 

“…Please stop, Kisumi.”

 

\--

 

“So! Present time?” Rin grinned, earning an amused snort from Haruka.

 

“Trying to divert everyone away from the fact your gingerbread man looks like a murder victim?”

 

“H-Hey! My hand slipped! I didn’t mean to get the red frosting everywhere, jeez,” Rin pouted, attempting to subtly cover his mangled gingerbread with his hand. “At least I didn’t draw a dick on mine like _someone_.”

 

Sousuke shrugged. “What? No one gave him pants, poor guy should at least be anatomically correct. And it’s not like I made two of them have sex.”

 

“Christmas is a holiday of love, Sousuke. My gingerbread man earned his night of fun, thanks. He paid a lot of money for his boyfriend’s Christmas gift. Two week’s salary, even,” Kisumi grinned, glancing down at the two gingerbread men he’d iced and then sandwiched together.

 

“I appreciate your sense of equality, Kisumi, making them both men,” Sousuke snorted, shaking his head and glancing at the plate full of disaster level cookies.

 

“Love is love, Sousou!”

 

“…Don’t call me that.”

 

“Mine… has a hat?” Makoto offered awkwardly, staring down at his child-like attempt of piping frosting on his gingerbread man. Maybe art time hadn’t been the best of their ideas. Especially not after Kisumi had officially spiked the cider a half hour earlier.

 

“Seriously though, presents. C’mon guys, it’s Christmas!” Rin urged, abandoning his gingerbread man to head towards the kitchen door, ushering the others to follow suit before disappearing into the living room.

 

“You’re like a kid on Christmas morning…” Sousuke mumbled affectionately, rising to his feet and heading to the door alongside Haruka.

 

“…You just walked under the doorframe together.”

 

“…What?”

 

“You and Haru-chan just walked through the door together! You know what that meeaaaans~!” Kisumi grinned, voice lilting affectionately.

 

“You’re not going to stop until I’ve kissed everyone in this apartment, are you?” Sousuke sighed, glancing at Haruka, then Rin, then back to Kisumi.

 

“Kisumi, stop making everyone make-out,” Rin grumbled irritably, sharp tooth gnawing on his lower lip. “Not everyone’s a pervert like you…”

 

Haruka glanced ahead at Rin, then to his side at Sousuke, frowning lightly at the situation. He should have gotten up faster so he could have gone under the doorframe earlier…

 

“I’m not making them make out! No one has to make out if they don’t want to make out. A kiss on the cheek is still a kiss, you know,” Kisumi pouted, hands settling on his hips.

 

“So? It’s still… ugh, fuck, whatever. Just kiss already,” Rin huffed, disappearing to go claim a corner seat on Kisumi’s couch.

 

Sousuke raised a curious eyebrow at Rin before shrugging, leaning down to plant a quick peck on Haruka’s cheek before wandering towards the Christmas tree to join Rin, taking the seat next to his best friend in silence.

 

Quietly Haruka followed, glancing back in time to watch Kisumi grab Makoto’s hand and drag him through the doorway, laughing and planting a quick kiss on Makoto’s surprise-parted lips.

 

“K-Kisumi!” Makoto gasped in horror, face flushed as Kisumi released his hand, content to prance off to the Christmas tree, laughing. “Wh-what…?” Makoto choked out, taking a moment to regather his bearings before awkwardly joining the rest, taking a seat on the floor across from Kisumi.

 

“Okay, so I’ll just grab a present and toss it to the recipient and we’ll do it one at a time. That work? Oh, and we’ll do Sousuke’s last because everyone knows it came from him. Can’t ruin the surprise!” Kisumi laughed from his spot on the floor, blindly grabbing at one of the smaller boxes under the tree, glancing at the name. “…How did I pick my own first? I swear I didn’t do it on purpose!”

 

“Just open it, Kisumi,” Rin sighed, arms crossed over his chest.

 

“Now now, Rinrin, no need to be snippy,” Kisumi teased, idly shaking the well-wrapped box, frowning when it made no noise. “It’s so light.”

 

“Kisumi…”

 

“Alright alright! I only get one present, you know, let me have my fun!” Kisumi grumbled, stretching out his legs before tearing into the present. With the wrapped paper a mess at his side he removed the lid from the box, staring at its contents. “What… even is this?”

 

“That’s Bascat,” Haruka responded with a solemn nod. “He’s the official mascot of the 2010 International Basketball Federation’s World Championship. He’s a cat that believes he’s a dog. He enjoys fetching things, is incredibly agile and very friendly. He is also mischievous and gets into trouble a lot. He’s a Turkish Van. They’re the only cat breed that enjoys swimming. Well, Angoras sometimes do too. He also has heterochromia, which is a common trait found in Vans...”

 

“A dog that gets into trouble a lot? Sounds a lot like you, Kisumi,” Sousuke snickered.

 

“He’s a cat, not a dog,” Haruka corrected quietly, watching as Kisumi removed the plush from the box to stare openly at it.

 

For a moment he just sat in silence until a small smile worked its way over his lips, turning into a full on grin before he burst out laughing. “Oh my god Haru, I can’t believe you got me something like this. It’s so… _fuck_ it’s so you…” Kisumi cried, wiping at his eyes with one hand, squeezing the plush in the other. “My god this is so great. I promise I’ll take him to bed with me every night and think of you.”

 

“…Please don’t,” Haruka frowned.

 

“Seriously Haru, this is hilarious. Thank you.” Kisumi couldn’t hold back the grin, nodding affectionately at Haruka, one hand settling the plush in his lap, the other grabbing for another one of the gifts. “Oh, hey, what do you know. Next one’s yours.” Kisumi bobbled the present up and down for a moment, testing its weight before tossing it to Haruka.

 

“…It’s light,” Haruka mumbled to himself, inspecting the wrapping for a moment, approving of the attempt to make it nice while noting that everything just didn’t quite line up. Well, the effort was there, at least. Carefully he removed the wrapping, eyes going wide the moment he saw the clear plastic box of his gift. “Makoto…” he half-whined out, staring in awe and sparkly-eyed excitement as he ran his fingers along the box’s surface, tracing the scale line of the mackerel pencil case within.

 

“Ah, it wasn’t me, Haru-chan,” Makoto smiled softly, laughing quietly when Haruka’s attention shot up, blinking in confusion.

 

“It was actually uh, me…” Rin offered awkwardly, raising his hand for a moment in ownership before letting it drift to rub at the nape of his neck. “It’s kind of dumb, but I saw it and I thought of you because you drew that gorgeous picture for Makoto’s birthday and… well… you and mackerel.”

 

“It’s perfect,” Haruka mumbled, heart pounding as he glanced over Sousuke at Rin’s mildly flushed face, then back at his new gift, dragging it to his chest.

 

Rin had… it was so thoughtful…

 

“Ah, well, I’m glad you actually like it,” Rin shifted awkwardly, turning his attention on Kisumi. “Anyways, keep going! I wanna know what I got,” he grinned sharply, shifting focus back on the presents.

 

“Well, you’re going to have to wait, because apparently this is Sousuke’s. I hope you enjoy your book, Sousou,” Kisumi snorted, crawling over a bit to hand over the present to Sousuke.

 

“Oh god, who thought Sousuke could actually read? Do you guys not know him at all? You’re lucky if he can get two pages in before he falls asleep,” Rin snorted, earning an “oi” and an elbow to the side.

 

“I can read,” Sousuke groused quietly, taking the present from Kisumi. Unlike the others he immediately ripped into the wrapping, blinking slowly once he looked at the book before him. “… _Where’s Wally_? Really?” Sousuke glared pointedly at Kisumi, earning a flippant wave in return.

 

“Nuh uh! It wasn’t me!”

 

Sousuke paused for a moment, mentally counting everyone in the room before tilting his head to eye Makoto. “…You?”

 

“I...I thought it was funny. You know. Because you always get lost. Like today when I had to chase you down because you were wearing headphones and walking the wrong way… You made fun of me for wetting the bed when I was a kid!” Makoto accused awkwardly, earning unanimous stares from the rest of the group.

 

“Well I, for one, think it’s hilarious. Maybe if he practices enough he’ll stop losing his headphones every other day in our meticulously clean apartment. How you do that I have no idea.”

 

“Someone’s punk cat keeps running off with them, actually.” Silently Sousuke opened the book, staring at one of the spreads. “It can’t be _that_ hard…” he mumbled, running a finger over the page as he searched for the titular character.

 

“So, while Sousuke spends the next hour attempting to find Waldo, how about we keep going?” Kisumi grinned, reaching for the last of the small presents and tossing it to Rin. “Pretty obvious who it’s from now, but enjoy.”

 

“Oh shit, you got me?” Rin laughed, shaking his head before sighing. “Don’t be a sex toy don’t be a sex toy don’t be a sex toy…”

 

“Hey! I am not that bad, thank you very much! Plus all the really good ones cost over 3000 yen. Only the best for my Rinrin, you know.”

 

“…Thanks. I think.” Rin shook the box affectionately, blinking when it clunked around a bit, noting that it had a bit of heft and size to it. “I have no idea what it could be.”

 

“Just open it,” Kisumi laughed, shaking his head.

 

“Fine fine!” Goaded on, Rin tore into the wrapping paper, staring at the two boxes that had been pressed into one another and wrapped as one gift. “…Did you get me a fake aquarium, Kisumi?”

 

“Just read the back. Why must you be so difficult, Rin?”

 

“Hmmm. ‘Dips, dives and does underwater stunts. Adjust my tail to change the swimming action.’ Wait a minute… do these toys actually swim!?” Rin squeaked, flipping both boxes apart, staring at the shark and dolphin toys within.

 

“…Is that a dolphin?” Haruka questioned, leaning over Sousuke to look at Rin’s gift, hand accidentally covering part of the _Where’s Wally_  book, earning himself an irritable grunt and a small shove.

 

“Do these things seriously work, Kisumi?” Rin asked, handing the dolphin toy over to Haruka while inspecting the spotted shark. “Chomps, huh?”

 

“They do! And I debated getting you Jawbones, the great white, but you seemed more like a tiger shark kinda guy to me. Plus Chomps has a cooler name.”

 

“They actually swim? Oh my god Haru, let’s race them in the bathtub!” Rin grinned sharply, eyes gleaming like a small child.

 

“…Race?” Haruka frowned, glancing away from the dolphin to eye Rin.

 

“Yeah! Winner has to do whatever the loser asks for. Within reason, of course. Afraid Dipper’s gonna lose?”

 

“Dipper would destroy Chomps. Dolphins are faster than sharks.”

 

“Oh ho, gonna be like that, huh? And some sharks are faster than dolphins, ass.”

 

“Pretty sure that’s not a mako shark,” Haruka challenged, rising to his feet, Dipper in hand.

 

“Where the hell _is_ this guy?”

 

 “Are you guys seriously doing th-“

 

Before Makoto could finish both Haruka and Rin took off towards the bathroom, toys in hand. “Apparently yes, yes you are doing this…”

 

“You really haven’t found him yet, Sousuke?” Kisumi laughed, earning a glare.

 

“O-Oi! Haru, what the hell are you doing? Stop taking off your cloth- jammers _again_!? Do you even know what underwear are?” Rin groused from the bathroom, letting out an exaggerated sigh. “C’mon, get out of the damned bathtub, how can we race them when you’re in there, too? The water’s not even warm.”

 

“It’s perfect.” 

 

“It’s like lukewarm at best, how is that perfect. Get out.”

 

“Race them around me.”

 

“I’m not racing kid’s toys around you, Haru! Get out of the tub.”

 

“…”

 

“…Fuck, fine, we’ll race them around you. Why do you have to be so fucking weird…?”

 

“Sooo, since you know who it’s from and everyone else seems to be currently occupied, why don’t you open your present, Makoto?” Kisumi urged, shoving the large present across the floor to Makoto, glancing up and snickering when he realized Sousuke still hadn’t looked up from the book.

 

“I thought you had good observational skills, Sousou.”

 

“I do,” Sousuke growled irritably. “I notice things around me, not where stupid candy cane men are hiding on the beach…”

 

“This thing is huge, Sousuke…” Makoto mumbled, unsure of where to even start.

 

“What the hell, these things flip in the water!? Damnit Chomps, why must you betray me? Stop flipping you tiny asshole!”

 

“I told you Dipper would win. Also, you forgot to change his tail direction.”

 

“Wait what? You have to change his tail direction? Fuck! Best two out of three!”

 

“No. I already won.”

 

“It wasn’t a fair race.”

 

“It was perfectly fair.  You were the one that read the directions.”

 

“…Damnit. Fine, fine. You win. What do you want?”

 

“Mm, I don’t know yet.”

 

“Seriously? It’s not that hard. Pick something, Haru.”

 

“Don’t rush me, I’m taking a bath.” 

 

“Oh my god Sousuke, I can’t accept this!” Makoto choked out once he’d opened his gift, looking up at Sousuke, still nose-deep in his book. “I-I, there is no way this was under 3000 yen!”

 

“You needed it,” Sousuke shrugged, still not glancing up.

 

“Sousuke, this is a name brand messenger bag! I can’t take this!” Makoto continued, staring at the box containing a brand new, forest green shoulder bag.

 

“I knew you’d freak out when he bought it for you. He wouldn’t listen to me, though,” Rin laughed, appearing from the bathroom, Chomps in hand. “By the way, I don’t think we’re getting Haru out of the tub anytime soon.”

 

“He needed it,” Sousuke reiterated, finally looking up from the book, brows marred with frustration.

 

 “Oooh, Haru’s wet in my bathtub? Sounds fun!” Kisumi winked, snickering at the unappreciative side-eye thrown his way by Rin.

 

“M-My backpack is perfectly fine! I’ve had it since highschool!” Makoto argued weakly.

 

“Both of the straps are duct taped together, Makoto.”

 

“Well yes, but it still works!”

 

“All of the pockets have holes ripped in them so all your pencils fall into the bottom of your bag.”

 

“I mean yes it’s annoying but it’s not _that_ bad. Nothing falls out of the bag itself.”

 

“You’ll be a teacher soon. You can’t show up with a bag that looks like you dragged it out of the dumpster.”

 

“H-Hey!” Makoto flushed.

 

“You can’t make him accept it, Sousuke,” Rin said softly, moving to rejoin his best friend, plopping on the couch beside him. “Seriously, he’s right there. Are you blind?” Rin teased, pointing to the corner at Wally.

 

“You have _got_ to be shitting me…”

 

“It’s a good thing you’re pretty,” Rin teased, affectionately ruffling Sousuke’s hair, earning an elbow to the side. “Makoto, you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.”

 

“Well, it’s not that I don’t want to, exactly… No. No, you’re right, I can’t. This is just way too much, Sousuke, I can’t take it,” Makoto nodded firmly to himself, quickly pushing the box towards Sousuke’s legs before he could change his mind.

 

“Makoto, just take it. It wasn’t that expensive and you need it,” Sousuke sighed, hand rubbing idly at the back of his neck.

 

“But I got you a stupid gift to make fun of you and you, you got me _this_!” Makoto blurted out, voice squeaking slightly.

 

“ _That’s_ what you’re worried about? I don’t care. It’s not like I knew what you got me, I didn’t care what gift I got. I just wanted to get you something you actually need,” Sousuke sighed.

 

“Mmm, Sousuke’s like that. He never buys anything but food, so he saves up his money and spoils his friends instead. Oh, and my cat. Howl has like 30 different cat toys he doesn’t need.”

 

“He likes them…” Sousuke mumbled weakly, flipping the page of his book distractedly.

 

“You know, thinking back on it, you’re right, Rinrin! I remember back in highschool, Sousuke dragged me to a million stores with him because you were upset you’d finished your favorite leather journal and couldn’t find another one like it and he was determined to find a new one for you. And then he didn’t want you to know it was him so he slipped it into your bag when we were over at your house...”

 

“Oi, Kisumi…” Sousuke growled, clearly debating lobbing his book at Kisumi.

 

“That was you!?” Rin gasped, elbowing Sousuke in the side. “I thought it was Gou! Jeez, I should have known. You never change, do you? I remember you buying Kisumi super nice headphones for his birthday when we were younger, too, so he could get a break from Hayato when he needed.”

 

“He was always complaining about having trouble studying…”

 

“You’re really nice, aren’t you, Sousuke?” Makoto asked affectionately, unable to hold back his smile.

 

“No, I’m not…” Sousuke argued, voice gruff.

 

“Psh, yes you are. Scary on the outside, soft on the inside,” Rin laughed, nudging Sousuke with his knee only to have his roommate grumble and scoot away, book in hand.

 

In the end, after a few more rounds of back-and-forth, Makoto gave in, reluctantly accepting his gift with the intention of one day, somehow, returning the favor.

 

An hour later Haruka emerged from the bathtub, and the rest of the evening passed by in a blur of rum-laced apple cider and cookies. Rin and Haruka quickly made the joint, executive decision that Makoto and Sousuke were just a little too tipsy to attempt to drag back to their respective homes, and by the time the pair had pulled out a spare futon (one taking the futon, the other the couch), Sousuke and Kisumi had crashed on Kisumi’s bed together while Makoto had ended up curled up with Bascat in Asahi’s.

 

“They’re going to have a fun morning, that’s for sure,” Rin mumbled into his pillow, glancing over at Haruka on the couch.

 

“Mmm,” Haruka agreed, already half asleep. He wasn’t really built to stay up late, and the drunks had kept him up long past his regular bedtime.

 

“…Did you think about what you want, Haru?” Rin whispered, voice piercing through the pleasant silence of the living room.

 

“Mm…?”

 

“Oi, our bet. I lost. Did you think about what you want?”

 

“No,” Haruka grumbled irritably, rolling over and dragging his blanket in closer.

 

“Come on, it’s not that hard to come up with something.”

 

“Go to sleep, Rin.”

 

“Come oooon.”

 

“Oi, Rin. Sleep.”

 

“Haruuuu…”

 

“I’ll come up with something later.”

 

The room fell into silence once more, but as much as Haruka tried to just let his mind relax and drift off to sleep, Rin kept shifting and turning and being a general pain in the ass.

 

“Rin, stop,” he growled irritably, debating throwing his pillow at Rin in frustration.

 

“Ugh, shit, I’m sorry. I just… can’t sleep.”

 

“Well try.”

 

“I _am_ trying!” Rin yelped back irritably. “If I could fall asleep I’d already be asleep, jeez.”

 

“Then go make some tea or something.”

 

“I don’t want tea. I’ll just end up having to pee in the middle of the night.”

 

Haruka sighed. This was all getting him no closer to sleep and his patience was wearing increasingly thin. “Why can’t you sleep?” he finally asked, a bit surprised when Rin didn’t respond immediately.

 

“I don’t sleep well away from home...” Rin mumbled awkwardly.

 

Haruka had a feeling there was more to it than just that, but he decided not to press the issue. Silence settled between them once more, and while Haruka wanted to doze right back off, he couldn’t help but feel the tension in the air, in Rin.

 

After a few more minutes Rin shifted once more before opening his mouth to speak. “Uhm, is it… is it okay if I bring the futon closer…?”

 

“Do whatever you want,” Haruka shrugged, dragging his pillow to his face as Rin quietly dragged the futon closer, stopping once it was flush with the couch.

 

To his relief, they fell back into silence, and within fifteen minutes they both had drifted off to sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Not much, but some drinking and some non-consensual (playful) kissing
> 
> Random notes: Haru failed to catch Rin under the mistletoe, even though he subtly attempted all night to pull it off.
> 
> Kisumi on the other hand DID succeed in his Christmas quest of forcing Sousuke to kiss everyone there. Rin was not impressed. 
> 
> I admittedly couldn't figure out if Japan had some version of secret santa/did the whole 'kiss-under-the-mistletoe' thing, so I just kinda ran with Kisumi waving his obnoxious half-American flag. If they do I'm sorry for the discrepancy!
> 
> I 100% drew who got who out of a hat for authenticity, and then made up presents from there. Hopefully they weren't too dumb. PRESENTS ARE HARD TO COME UP WITH, OKAY?? All these presents are also real things, btw. I spent more time than I'd like to admit trying to find real gifts for everyone *cough*


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Lunar New Years, everyone! I was trying to post the chapters around when they occur if I could, mostly just for fun, but since I posted two chapters around Xmas I wanted to give myself a break before trying to put up the New Years chapter. Anyways, this is the New Years chapter. There's nothing too triggery to watch out for, though there are some minor things I'll tag for, just in case. Enjoy!

 

 

It was always odd for Haruka, coming back to his empty house in Iwatobi. It was still his of course, it was still _home_ , but it felt different now, had a different air to it. He’d grown accustomed to his tiny Tokyo apartment, and the expansiveness of his house was almost suffocating in a way. Makoto was nearby with his family, of course, yet it still felt oddly isolating and lonely. When had his home become a place that made him almost… nervous?

 

Sleep hadn’t come easily that first night, and by early morning he was both exhausted and unable to shake his own discomfort with being back home. Unsure of what else to do, Haruka got dressed, slipping into his coat before heading out in the early dawn light, slowly making his way towards the beach.

 

Being in Tokyo meant not having immediate access to the ocean, and that lack of proximity was probably his greatest complaint about the city, even over the throngs of people and the rushed atmosphere. Returning to Iwatobi was an oddly lonely venture, but it did at least allow him the solace of the ocean that had always been his greatest source of comfort.

 

Once at the beach he took a seat away from the waves, carefully removing both shoes and socks before burying his feet deep beneath the surface of the cool sand. Knees curled to his chest he stared off into the ocean, inhaling the salty air, letting himself relax into the moment, into the gentle sound of waves crashing along the sand’s surface.

 

He watched the sun make its way over the horizon, lost in his own thoughts, mind drifting in and out of focus as he relaxed into his environment.

 

“Haru…?”

 

It took a moment for him to react, for him to realize that someone was speaking to him, and sluggishly he turned his head, glancing up at the newcomer.

 

“…Rin?” he asked, voice hesitant. What was Rin doing all the way out here?

 

“What are you doing sitting out here without shoes? It’s winter, idiot,” Rin tsked disapprovingly, one gloved hand holding a water bottle, the other the earbud he’d clearly pulled out so he could speak to Haruka.

 

“It’s calming…” Haruka shrugged, not really sure what else to say. It wasn’t all that cold, honestly, and being alone by the ocean was the only way he knew how to clear his head without having to dive into a pool.

 

“Er, okay, I guess. But the shoes? Did those really have to come off? Your coach’ll kick your ass if you come back to training sick,” Rin sighed, nudging Haruka’s thigh with one of his sneakers.

 

“I’ll be fine,” Haruka scoffed quietly, attention drifting back to the ocean. For a minute or two they just stayed together, the only sounds Rin’s slightly labored breathing from his run and the roll of the ocean. “You run alone?” Haruka finally asked with mild surprise, glancing up at Rin.

 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. It’s not a big deal, I always have my phone with me. Just because I don’t swim anymore doesn’t mean I don’t still stay in shape. Sousuke used to try to get up and keep me company but not even his overprotective, barely older brother schtick could get him up every morning at 6 a.m.”

 

“Is he here, too?”

 

“Sousuke? Nah. Well, I mean he’s visiting his own family in Sano. My mom and sister moved in with my grandmother in Iwatobi after…” Rin trailed off awkwardly, hand rubbing at the nape of his neck as he cleared his throat in discomfort. “Yeah. I’m sure I’ll see him at some point, but it’s just me for now. And Gou. She gets back from Kyoto this afternoon. Makoto here, too?”

 

“Yeah, he’s with his family.”

 

“And your family?”

 

“Mm, just me.”

 

Silence fell between them for a few more minutes, Haruka unsure of what else to say. It was nice having Rin open up to him so casually, but he was absolutely terrible at making conversation, as hard as he tried.

 

“I… should probably finish my run,” Rin finally said, voice low and laced with an uncustomary hesitance.

 

Haruka simply nodded. It wasn’t that he wanted Rin to leave, really, but he couldn’t really come up with a reason to ask him to stay, to keep him from the run he was clearly in the middle of.

 

Rin nodded in response, turning to jog off again, making it a few steps before stopping once more, glancing back at Haruka. “Uhm, Haru…”

 

Haruka blinked in surprise, looking back up from the ocean, waiting curiously for Rin to continue.

 

“Have you had breakfast yet? Or I guess, I mean, maybe you’re eating with Makoto’s family, I don’t know…” Rin trailed off, unconsciously bouncing from foot to foot nervously.

 

“No.”

 

“Really? Well, if you want, my mom’s making breakfast. It’s meat, though, because I’m home. Just… you could come, my house isn’t super far away or anything. Just if you want to, of course…”

 

Haruka froze in surprise, blinking up at Rin, eyes widened. “Really?”

 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t mean it, jeez…”

 

“Mm, alright,” Haruka nodded, pulling his toes free from the sand, brushing them off before putting his socks and shoes back on.

 

True to his word, Rin’s house wasn’t particularly far away, and a comfortably silent ten minute walk had them on the front porch of the Matsuoka household. “Do you mind if I grab a quick shower? I’ll introduce you to my mom and grandmother first. And I mean I’ll be quick, I’m just, you know, too gross for breakfast right now.”

 

“That’s fine.” Haruka followed Rin into the front door of the home, both taking the time to remove their shoes before stepping further inside.

 

“Rin sweetie, is that you?” a warm voice called from what Haruka could only assume was the kitchen.

 

“Yes, mom. I ran into a friend on my run. I invited him to join us for breakfast, I hope that’s okay,” Rin called back, walking through the living area and heading towards the kitchen, pausing only to eye Haruka for a brief moment. “Oi, Haru, you can come inside you know. Make yourself comfortable, really. My mom doesn’t mind.” Rin gestured for Haruka to step further into the home before crossing the threshold of the kitchen’s door.

 

“A friend? Of course that’s not a prob- wait, Haru?” Haruka couldn’t help but blink at the surprise in that soft voice, glancing up as a head peeked around the doorframe, looking him up and down.

 

Haruka recognized her as soon as her face came into view, a bit surprised to see how little she’d aged despite the horrific trauma she’d been through. He remembered her from that press conference, from ten years ago when he and his grandmother had watched her talk through her tears, had watched her beg the world to help her find her son. Seeing her again was sobering, but the bright, happy smile that greeted him was what surprised him the most.

 

What a strong woman.

 

“You’re _the_ Haru, aren’t you?” she asked, voice laced with excitement, green eyes bright.

 

“Oi, mom,” Rin barked from the kitchen, attempting to gently tug her away from harassing his friend. “Can you maybe not be embarrassing for once in your life?” Rin grumbled under his breath, face flushed.

 

“ _I’m_ embarrassing? I’m pretty sure we both know which one of us wrote the book on that,” she laughed, stepping into the living room to welcome Haruka into her home. “I’ve heard so much about you, Haru. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

 

_Heard so much about me?_

 

Haruka’s head tilted a bit in surprise, watching the affection between mother and son. “Ah, thank you for letting me come over, Matsuoka-san,” Haruka mumbled out, bowing slightly at the woman before him.

 

“Oh please, there’s no need for formalities in my house, Haru. Sit down, make yourself at home. Would you like some tea since my son is a terrible host and didn’t ask?”

 

“Mom!” Rin snapped irritably, face flushing. “S-Sorry Haru, I should have asked.”

 

“It’s fine, Rin,” Haruka responded easily, smiling softly at their interactions. It was nice seeing parents who were actually close with their children. Rin’s mom already reminded him of a perkier, more playful version of Makoto’s.

 

“Rin, why don’t you go get in the shower so I no longer have to smell you while I get Haru here something to drink?”

 

“I don’t smell!” Rin argued, sighing and rubbing a hand against his face. “Fine, fine. I’ll be quick, Haru,” Rin mumbled, eying his mother once more. “Please don’t be weird while I’m gone…”

 

“I wouldn’t dare,” she smiled, watching Rin as he retreated towards the bathroom. “How do you like your tea, Haru?” she asked once they were alone, voice warm.

 

“Plain is fine.”

 

“Alright then. Why don’t you get comfortable while I go get that for you?” she suggested, gesturing towards the couch.

 

Haruka nodded politely, watching her disappear once more as he moved towards the couch. For a moment he sat down, but a bookshelf full of family photos quickly caught his attention, and he couldn’t help but climb back to his feet, wandering over to glance at the pictures.

 

There weren’t a ton of them, but there were a few of Gou and Rin as small children, bright, toothy smiles front and center. There was also a wedding photo on display, and Haruka immediately recognized Rin’s mother in a beautiful dress, flaming red head in a polished updo. He’d never seen Rin’s father before, but those sharp teeth and piercing red eyes made it very clear who the man was. Rin… didn’t really look like his father, not in facial features, but somehow Rin had managed to end up with the most defining features of each of his parents.

 

The last picture caught his attention, and he couldn’t help but stare openly at it. It was a group of four boys clustered together, grinning and donning matching gold medals around their necks. It wasn’t the boys themselves that really caught his attention (though the teeth of the one child made it abundantly clear that it was Rin’s father) so much as their uniforms.

 

“Ah, looking at the old family photos?”

 

Haruka glanced up from the picture, watching as Rin’s mother entered the room with a tray full of tea, carrying it over to the coffee table near the couch before setting it down. “Sorry…”

 

“No no, feel free to be nosy. Which one caught your attention? Gou and Rin at the petting zoo? That was taken about five minutes before Rin got himself attacked by a duck,” she laughed as she began pouring each of them a cup of tea.

 

“Ah, no. The swimming one,” Haruka explained quietly, moving to join the woman on the couch.

 

“Oh, Toraichi back when he swam with ITSC.”

 

“I used to swim there, too.”

 

“Really? Mmm, did you swim in the relay, too?” she asked, handing over a cup of tea to Haruka once he’d taken a seat alongside her.

 

Quietly he shook his head, blowing on the cup of tea, trying to cool it enough he could take a sip.

 

“Really? Why not?”

 

“I only swim free.”

 

“Mmm, don’t let Rin hear you say that. He always loved relays. When he was a child he always dreamed of following in his father’s footsteps. He almost transferred to Iwatobi Elementary just so he could join ITSC and start his own swimming journey the same way his father had. With relay gold.”

 

Haruka took a careful sip of the tea, body tense as he listened to her speak. He had read that Rin had been an Olympic hopeful, but Rin had never really opened up about himself. At least not in regards to swimming. To his dreams.

 

“Of course, I think that was only a small part of why he wanted to transfer. He’s always been easily infatuated, and once he gets an idea in his head he goes full-throttle towards it, no matter how crazy it may seem. There was another little boy. He saw him swimming at a competition once and got it in his head that this kid was the most beautiful swimmer he’d ever seen. That he _had_ to swim with him. I’d like to think that he had all these relay plans just for his father, but as his mother I know there was much more to it than that.” Silence fell between them for a few moments, and Haruka couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to the other little boy.

 

“Do you want to look at more pictures?”

 

Haruka took another sip of his tea, head tilting towards her, surprised at the offer.

 

She just smiled easily in return, setting her tea down on the table before rising to her feet, heading towards the bookshelf and grabbing a photo album off the shelf. She returned at his side, taking a comfortable seat before opening the book on her lap, shifting it so Haruka could see as well.

 

“This is my favorite album. We have a bunch, I’ve always loved scrapbooking and photo albums, but this is the one I made for Rin after he came home.”

  
Haruka felt his fingers instinctively clench around the cup of tea in his hands, wondering if it was really okay for him to be viewing something like this. But it was Rin’s mom, right?

 

“This was one of the first pictures we took of him after he was born. He was such a screamer as a baby. Toraichi and I had no idea what to do with him at first because he just wouldn’t stop crying. He was like a tiny little tomato. Red hair, red eyes, red face from shrieking all the time.”

 

“…Is that my photo album?”

 

Haruka glanced up at the sound of Rin’s voice, staring momentarily at the redhead as he worked his towel through his hair. Why was the small gesture so damned attractive?

 

Haruka shifted in his seat, glancing back at the album, feeling a mix of guilt from both the oogling and the invasion of privacy.

 

“Haru was looking at our family photos so I figured I’d show him some from when you were a kid.”

 

“I was gone for like ten minutes, mom…” Rin groaned in embarrassment, draping the towel around his neck.

 

“Would you like some tea?” she offered helpfully, moving to pour a cup even as he scrunched his nose in an obvious no. “I should get started on breakfast. Do you like ham, Haru? I can cook something else if you’d like.”

 

Haruka had to stop himself before ‘mackerel’ came tumbling out of his mouth, knowing that this breakfast was supposed to be Rin’s special breakfast from his mom. “Ham’s fine,” he said instead, watching as she handed off the photo album to him and rose to her feet with a nod, grabbing both her own cup and a cup of tea for Rin, handing the full cup off to her son before disappearing into the kitchen.

 

“I’m sorry about her…” Rin breathed out, voice awkward and wavering as he moved to join Haruka, taking his mother’s seat. “I really was a red baby…” he snorted in amusement, reaching over to run his fingers along the photo.

 

“She’s nice,” Haruka said with a soft smile. “She really loves you…”

 

“Yeah, she does,” Rin smiled lightly, moving to flip the page of the photo album, glancing at the next picture. “It’s so weird seeing us both so small.”

 

Haruka glanced down at the photo of a tiny Rin alongside a newborn Gou, both held proudly in each of their father’s arms. “For some reason I didn’t realize how close in age you two are.”

 

“Ah, yeah. I forget too sometimes, honestly. It feels like a lot more than eleven months. She feels so much younger than me but she’s really not.” 

 

For the next few minutes they shuffled through more pictures, laughing and chatting about the different pictures of young Rin’s childhood adventures. “Oh man, this is the first picture I ever took with Sousuke! We were so young and dumb. We got put in the same class together in elementary school. We didn’t really talk, though, just minded our own business. Sousuke’s been intimidatingly quiet since he was young, and even my loud mouth was too nervous to approach him. It wasn’t until we got pitted against one another in a football game that we even interacted. I was so mad. I was the forward and he was the goalkeeper for the other team. I’ve always been really good with my feet, even as a little kid, and my team _always_ won when we played games like that. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t score on him. It was like kicking into a wall I swear. I got so frustrated and then we ended up tying. I wanted to hate him but I was just so _impressed_. No one had ever gone toe-to-toe with me like that. So the next day during lunch I plopped down across from him and wouldn’t let him say no to my eating lunch with him. And the rest is history.”

 

Apparently Rin’s mother hadn’t been lying. He really _did_ just go after anything he wanted.

 

“How did you meet Makoto, anyways?” Rin asked, glancing over at Haruka in curiosity.

 

“Nothing special. Our parents were friends, so we met as soon as Makoto was born.”

 

“Wow, so you’ve really never been apart, huh?”

 

“Mmm, not really.” 

 

“That’s nice, though. You’ve had Makoto around as long as I’ve had Gou. It’s nice to have someone you can always count on.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

For a moment they sat in silence before Rin flipped to the next page, diverting their attention back to the photo album. “Man, she put a lot of my swimming pictures in here…”

 

“She said you loved relays.”

 

“Yeah, I did. Well… I do, I guess. They’re still my favorite races to watch when I watch Worlds or the Olympics or whatnot. There’s just something special about them. About the teamwork involved. About the trust and the challenge and the beauty of all four strokes being used together…”

 

Haruka swallowed hard, just _feeling_ the emotion in Rin’s words. There was so much fondness in those words, so much love.

 

It almost felt like Rin loved swimming as much as he did.

 

“Rin…why did you quit swimming?” he finally asked, frowning lightly as he looked down at a beaming young Rin, proudly presenting his gold medal in 200m fly.

 

“I think that’s pretty obvious, Haru,” Rin laughed bitterly, taking a swig from his cup of tea.

 

“I don’t mean competitively. Why’d you quit swimming all together?” Haruka pressed, eyes still on the child in the pictures.

 

“I was really sick, Haru,” Rin sighed, quickly flipping through the photo album. “I didn’t even go back to high school or anything. I was four years behind everyone else, so I spent every waking hour studying, being tutored, trying to catch up. I never managed to, though. I’m still a year behind Sousuke. And you.”

 

“But now you could…” Haruka mumbled weakly. Rin wanted to swim, he could hear that longing in his voice, that love of the water. Rin was like him. He wasn’t sure why he knew, but he just _did_. It didn’t matter that Rin hadn’t swam in 10 years. He wanted to see Rin in the water. To be in the water _with_ Rin.

 

Silently Rin opened the photo album to the page he was looking for, setting the book into Haruka’s lap.

 

“Oh.”

 

“This was taken on Christmas day. That’s Russell and that’s Lori, the cop and the nurse that took care of me while I was in the hospital. The ones I sent the cards to. This was already almost three weeks after I escaped. I was _so_ sick, Haru. Did you know that if you leave a kid malnourished enough you can actually delay puberty? It’s disgusting.”

 

No, Haruka hadn’t been aware, but biology wasn’t exactly his strongest subject. Rin had been 15 when he’d been found, right? That’s what the news article had said. But the boy in the picture with the tired eyes and the sallow skin and the long, brittle hair, hooked up to an I.V. even as he struggled to smile for the picture, looked barely 13. If that. He was so _tiny_.

 

It was hard to believe that the boy in the picture had become the man sitting next to him. Adult Rin just looked so damned _good_. He looked like the pinnacle of health. Strong, fit, happy, with skin that flushed so easily and powerful, corded muscles along his entire frame.

 

“Your hair was so long…” Haruka mumbled, not sure what else to say as he attempted to come to terms with the juxtaposition of the past and present.

 

Rin couldn’t help the low, amused snort. “That’s what you notice? It _was_ long, though. He never let me cut it. Felt like shit to the touch. Brittle and unhealthy and gross.”

 

Haruka’s hand moved on its own, fingers catching one of Rin’s damp locks between them, gently rubbing along the silky hairs. “It’s so soft, now…”

 

“Uh, y-yeah…” Rin wheezed out pathetically, tensing under the contact. “Proper nutrition’ll, it’ll do that to you…”

 

Carefully Haruka let Rin’s hair go, realizing that he’d probably overstepped a boundary or ten by touching it in the first place. He was starting to realize he had serious self-control issues when it came to Rin.

 

He let his attention drift back to that picture, still taking it all in. He’d read the news articles, hell, he’d heard a bit from Rin over the past few months, but nothing had really prepared him for seeing the proof of what Rin had been through. It was one thing to hear the stories; it was another all together to _see_ the complete physical devastation.

 

“Oh! I never introduced you to my grandmother. I should do that,” Rin mumbled distractedly.

 

Honestly, Haruka had completely forgotten about it, but Rin was right.

 

“She’s probably in the backyard working. You mind stopping by and saying hello? She’s going to get mad at me if she comes in for breakfast and realizes we had a guest and I didn’t tell her.”

 

Haruka nodded quietly, carefully closing the photo album after one final, quick glance at the hospital picture, setting the book on the table alongside the tea. Rin quickly gathered up the tray of tea, heading into the kitchen to drop it off before rejoining Haruka. “I think she’ll like you. You guys have a lot in common…” Rin mumbled awkwardly, heading down the hallway towards the back of the home, sliding open the back door before peeking outside. “Obaasan?”

 

“Oh, Rin, sweetie, you’re home already.”

 

“I am. Actually, I brought a friend with me. Is it okay if we come out and say hello? I don’t want to bother you while you’re working.”

 

“Oh of course, of course, you’re never a bother.”

 

Turning to Haruka and offering him a nod, Rin lead the pair outside onto the stone porch. Carefully Haruka followed behind, stepping outside and glancing up, unable to help but stare at the woman before him. Or rather, her work. When Rin had said she was working in the backyard, he’d assumed she’d be gardening or whatnot. Sure it was winter, but maybe she was cleaning out dead brush or something.

 

He hadn’t expected the easel and canvas she’d been working at, a meticulous, beautiful, almost-finished watercolor painting of a wintery, dead forest on display. It wasn’t exactly the type of work he’d expected out of a grandmother, but despite the coldness of the piece, it was wonderfully crafted.

 

“Obaasan, this is my friend, Haru. Haru, this is my grandmother. As you can see, I got absolutely zero of the Matsuoka artistic talent. Thankfully Gou got none of it, either, so I feel better about it all.”

 

“Ah, it’s nice to meet you,” Haruka bowed quickly, attention immediately drifting back to the painting.

 

“Ahh, so this is Haru, then. It’s a pleasure to meet you, sweetie,” the woman smiled, warm red eyes settling on him. “You’re exactly how Rin described you.”

 

…Had Rin told _everyone_ about him?

 

“Your painting’s beautiful,” he blurted out, flushing slightly when he realized the words had come tumbling out, head tilting to the side awkwardly.

 

“Thank you,” she smiled, glancing at her painting and then back at Haruka. “Hm, Rin told me you’re an artist. Which medium is your favorite?” she asked, setting down her brush along the base of the easel, shifting in her stool to face them both.

 

“Usually just a pencil. Sometimes I paint, though. But oils. I’m not very good with watercolor…”

 

“Really?” Rin laughed, shaking his head. “That’s ironic. You’re like a human dolphin and an artistic genius and yet _water_ color is what you can’t paint with?”

 

Haruka frowned, eying Rin unappreciatively. “I _can_ do watercolor, it’s just not my best.”

 

“It’s still kind of funny…” Rin pouted, shifting from cold foot to cold foot. It wasn’t a particularly frosty winter morning, but it was still December none-the-less, and unlike his grandmother, he and Haruka weren’t wearing any layers or shoes.

 

“Do you have a preference for subjects, Haru?”

 

“I mostly paint the ocean.”

 

“He can draw amazing pictures, obaasan. Like… of people. They look like real photographs, it’s incredible.”

 

“Oi, I’m not very good at drawing people…” Haruka argued quietly, face flushing slightly at Rin’s praise. “I take figure drawing next semester, though.”

 

“Oh psh, seriously, this modesty thing has got to go. First swimming and now this? Just accept you’re amazing, Haru.”

 

“I’m over 20,” Haruka countered quietly.

 

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Rin asked, voice heavy with confusion.

 

“I’m ordinary.”

 

“…What?”

 

“Nevermind…” Haruka sighed, attention drifting back to the drearily beautiful watercolor.

 

“Whatever. Anyways obaasan, it’s kind of cold outside so we’re going to head back inside. Breakfast should be done soon though, okay?”

 

“Of course. Come get me when it’s ready, alright?”

 

“Definitely,” Rin smiled at his grandmother one more time before leading Haruka back inside the home, carefully sliding the back door shut.

 

“Is she alright sitting out there?” Haruka wondered aloud, earning an amused look from Rin.

 

“She’s fine. She says she can’t paint inside because it’s not inspiring enough. She’s out there all the time. Just throws on layers and gloves and gets to work. We Matsuokas are hot-blooded, anyways. We do a lot better in the cold than the heat.”

 

Idly Haruka wondered how the hell Rin survived summer in long sleeves if that were the case, but living in Australia must have gotten him accustomed to being constantly overheated.

 

Quietly they walked back towards the living room together, Haruka’s eyes trailing over the family pictures hung along the walls. “When does Gou get back?” he asked idly as they turned the corner to go return to the living room couch.

 

“Oh, mom and I are going to go meet up with her at the station at 11. Help her with her bags, grab lunch and stuff.”

 

“Did you bring her gift?”

 

Rin blinked, turning to eye Haruka. “…How did you know her birthday’s in a few days?”

 

“I meant the seashell…”

 

“Oh! Yeah, it’s in my bag all wrapped up for her. Obviously I got her a real birthday gift too, but I didn’t forget it. I’m shocked you remembered, though.”

 

“Ran and Ren liked their necklaces, I gave them to them last night…”

 

“Really? That’s great.”

 

Haruka nodded silently in agreement, tongue darting along his lips. “I hope she likes the one I found…” he mumbled idly, well aware he was baiting Rin but not particularly caring.

 

“Uh, well, actually I ended up giving her the one I found. The yellow one.”

 

“And the pink one?” Haruka pressed curiously, wondering how Rin would respond. He was fully aware of where he’d seen it last, nestled amongst the stack of books and CDs on Rin’s desk.

 

“Uh, well, that one is still at my apartment. I just thought th-oi, stop smiling, ass!” Rin growled, elbowing Haruka in the side.

 

“I’m not smiling,” Haruka responded easily, well aware that he was, in fact, no longer in control over his own mouth as his lips curved upwards in amusement. “So sentimental…”

 

“H-Hey! That thing’s going into the trash as soon as I get back, I swear. I just liked it because it looked like a cherry blossom petal, jeez,” Rin snapped, face flushing bright.

 

“Cherry blossoms? How romantic, Rinrin,” Haruka teased lightly, making a quiet ‘ooph’ of a noise when Rin used the lightly damp towel from around his neck to smack Haruka in the face.

 

“Don’t call me Rinrin, _Haru-chan_.”

 

“Weeeell, breakfast is ready, but you two seem to be having such a fun time I feel bad interrupting…”

 

“O-Oi, mom!” Rin stuttered out, hopping immediately to his feet, returning his towel around his neck.

 

“Why don’t you go get your grandmother and help her clean up her painting supplies, Rin,” she suggested, smiling as he nodded and quickly fled from the room, face still flushed. “Haru, can I talk to you for a moment?” she asked, stepping in closer, moving to take a careful seat on the edge of the couch.

 

Haruka nodded silently, confusion and nervousness settling in his chest.

 

“I have a favor to ask of you.”

 

Haruka waited quietly, nodding imploringly for her to continue. What could she want? They’d only just met…

 

“I know it’s not really my place to ask,” she began, fingers toying over the kitchen towel she’d carried into the living room with her. “I…I know Rin has Sousuke, and that Kisumi is in Tokyo as well. They’re both such sweet young men and I truly can’t thank them enough for everything they’ve done for him. But Rin, he’s taken quite a shining to you. I don’t mean to be upfront, or put you on the spot, but I’m his mother and I can’t help but worry about him, given everything that’s happened. I can’t help it, I’m always _so_ scared for him. I just, I know it’s a lot to ask, but could you perhaps… take care of him?”

 

Haruka blinked slowly, surprised by the turn in the conversation. Take care of Rin? Like Sousuke did?

 

At his confused non-response she flushed slightly, fingers wringing the towel in her hand. “I-I’m sorry, that was presumptuous of me to ask. You haven’t really known him all that long, I just thought…”

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

“Really?” she asked, looking up from the towel to stare at him in surprise.

 

Haruka nodded shortly, glancing over at her. “I’ll take care of Rin.”

 

“Ah… thank you, Haru,” she smiled softly, sitting quietly for a moment before rising to her feet. “Would you like to help me set the table?”

 

“Alright,” he nodded, climbing to his feet as well, following her into the kitchen.

 

Take care of Rin. He could do that.

 

Probably.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of loneliness, mentions of malnutrition/abuse
> 
> Two quick notes! One, I... admittedly have not fully read HS, so there's the potential I majorly screwed up Rin's grandmother, since I know she appears in the novels. I'm almost done with the first novel and I've read some of the second, but only specific parts, and none with her. So if I'm completely inaccurate with her I'm SO sorry, and odds are once I'm done reading HS I'll go back and correct this chapter to reflect any necessary changes.
> 
> Two, as far as I know, obaasan is the formal word for grandmother. I'm sure Rin (and Haru earlier) both have some sort of nickname they use for their grandmothers, and I'm sure it's in the novels. Buuut I can't check it, since I don't think an untranslated version of the novel is online (not that I could read it anyways, lol). SO, though I know they likely call them something along the lines of baba/obaba/etc., I thought it was easier to just leave it as is. I had the same problem with just translating it to English, though. It was easy to translate Rin saying 'mom' to mom because that's almost universally what everyone calls their mother. Every single person I know calls their grandparents by a different name, so writing 'grandmother' just seemed... weird, I guess? Anyways, ramble aside, I took creative liberty and I'm sorry if it bothers anyone who actually has a decent grasp on the language!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A month late, but here's finally Rin's birthday chapter! It's a bit of a filler chapter (sorry!), which means it's not as long as some of the others, but oh well. I hope you enjoy it anyways!
> 
> Also, side note, I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed. Trying to handle 12 people hanging out together is NOT easy, heh. And I thought the cookout was bad...

  
  
  
“Holyshit I can’t believe you guys actually did that. Now _never do that to me again you little shits_ ,” Sousuke growled, reaching out to grab a Matsuoka in each arm, dragging the duo of redheads into his chest for a hug.

 

“Happy birthday, oniichan!” Gou giggled uncontrollably as she was smushed into Sousuke’s chest alongside Rin, both out of breath, unable to stop laughing.

 

“S-Sorry Sousuke, it was on the bucket list!” Rin grinned, carefully pulling away from his best friend before glancing over at Gou. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

 

“I knoooow! I never thought I’d _actually_ go skydiving! Sousuke-kun, it was _amazing_. We could see everything! And you’re just free-falling and weightless and oh my god it was _crazy_. I thought I was going to pee myself! You have to try it sometime!”

 

“I like my feet firmly on the ground, thanks…”

 

“Ahhh, you guys, that was so awesome! I wish I had done it with you…” Nagisa pouted, watching the group hug disperse.

 

“You should have told me! I could have set it up for all of us to do it together…” Gou pouted. “Maybe we can go together another time, though! This time it was all about oniichan!”

 

“Oh my god we should!” Nagisa squeaked excitably.

 

“No. No more Matsuoka stunt diving,” Sousuke ordered, glancing back and forth between Rin and Gou. “You two had your fun.”

 

“Oh come on, Sousuke-kun, we did tandem dives with professionals. We were safe!”

 

“…There is nothing safe about jumping out of a plane 12.5 kilometers in the air.”

 

“We had backup parachutes,” Rin explained carefully, slinging an arm affectionately over Sousuke’s shoulder. “It’s okay, dad, we were safe.”

 

Sousuke frowned but said nothing, instead glancing down at his phone with a sigh. “Well, I already told your mom you’re not dead, so what say you to heading back to the city so we can have a birthday dinner?”

 

“I get dinner?” Rin asked, glancing over at Sousuke.

 

“It’s your birthday, isn’t it?”

 

“Well yeah, just-“

 

“Less talking more walking, oniichan! There’s a steak with your name on it waiting for you!”

 

\--

 

“You went skydiving!?” Makoto gasped in horror, glancing back and forth between Rin and Gou with wild green eyes.

 

“Uh oh, Mako-chan’s mama senses are tingling!” Nagisa grinned, cheerfully slurping away at his fruity mixed drink.

 

“You two could have died!”

 

“Oniichan, are all your friends worrywarts?” Gou asked, lips pursed as she glanced around the oversized group.

 

“Clearly they’re fine, Makoto,” Kisumi dismissed with an amused wave, taking a sip of his cocktail.

 

“Nah, just the two.”

 

“…You guys really went skydiving?” Aiichirou questioned quietly.

 

“…Make that three.”

 

“Well I, for one, assumed they’d be fine,” Aki said, waving her hand in nonchalance. “Rin’s like a cat. Got nine lives, manages to survive everything. You really think skydiving is what’s going to do him in?”

 

“Thanks Aki. I think…” Rin mumbled, glancing around the table at his friends. “Jeez, I can’t believe you all came…”

 

“Oi, don’t cry,” Sousuke teased lightly, nudging Rin’s knee with his own under the dinner table.

 

“I’m not going to cry! It’s just… nice is all… That you all did this for me…” Rin mumbled pathetically, distracting himself with a sip of his cola.

 

“Awww, of course we did, oniichan! Everyone loves you!” Gou chirped, reaching across the table to grab Rin’s free hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze before quickly releasing it.

 

“Big change from how it used to be, huh?” Sousuke said quietly, voice fond as he glanced over at Rin.

 

“Y-Yeah…” Rin mumbled back, gaze falling down at his hands, fingers toying along the beanie he’d set on his lap. His 16th birthday, fresh back from Australia, only Kisumi and Sousuke had bothered stopping by to see him. Six years later, turning 22, and eleven people had taken time out of their own busy schedules, were willing to give up their Saturday evening, just to spend time with him on his birthday.

 

The restaurant had needed to put two entire tables together to accommodate the party.

 

Rin wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve so many amazing friends.

 

“Are you alright, Rin?” Haruka asked quietly from Rin’s other side, earning himself a blinking, slow stare.

 

“O-Oh, yeah. Really, I’m fine. Just overwhelmed I guess,” Rin mumbled, glancing around the table, everyone else having dipped into more playful banter amongst themselves.

 

“Why, too many people?”

 

“Kind of. Just… back in highschool the only two people who would hang out with me were Kisumi and Sousuke. And well, Gou, of course, but she kind of had to. And now I have eleven other people here, just for my birthday, wanting to see me happy and just…” Rin swallowed hard, glancing down at his plate. “I never thought I’d get here, I guess,” Rin shrugged awkwardly.

 

Haruka smiled softly, letting his hand rest gently on Rin’s shoulder, giving it a soft, comforting squeeze.

 

“Haru! Are you making my brother cry?” Gou teased lightly from across the table, arms crossing in warning.

 

“I’m not crying!” Rin grumbled, pulling his shoulder away from Haruka’s hand to glare at his sister.

 

Haruka frowned lightly, setting his hands carefully back in his lap, glancing around the table. It wasn’t his birthday, of course, but Rin had a point. Haruka had never imagined a time when he’d have so many people he knew, that he actually considered his friends. He’d gone through most of his life with just Makoto by his side. Nagisa had dipped in and out; they had been tentative friends at ITSC, but it hadn’t been until they’d attended high school together that he’d really developed a comfortable closeness with Nagisa. Rei had also been someone he’d only met in high school, and he’d managed to make it through his first three years of university without ever really reaching out to new people.

 

Makoto was comfortable and safe and he’d never really felt like he _needed_ more friends than the few he had. Making new friends was too much trouble.

 

How quickly everything had changed.

 

He couldn’t help his mind from briefly wandering, from wondering how his life would have played out differently had Rin not asked him to keep coming to meetings, had he listened to his brain instead of his libido. It was crazy to think how different his life would be had he never met Rin.

 

How much lonelier.

 

“Are _you_ okay, Haru?”

 

Haruka blinked slowly, glancing over at Rin beside him, leaning in close, a look of both concern and amusement gracing his face.

 

“Mm, just thinking,” Haruka shrugged. 

 

“Well that’s never good,” Nagisa joked from across the table, grinning when Haruka turned to scowl at him.

 

“So! Aki, you graduate soon, don’t you?” Gou asked politely, glancing across the table at Aki.

 

“Ughhh, don’t remind me,” Aki moaned, taking a distracted sip of her water. “I’ll still be around, though, because my coach is here.”

 

“Finally we’ll have some peace and quiet at meetings,” Kazuki snorted, earning an elbow from Takuya.

 

“What do you plan on doing, anyways?” Sousuke asked idly.

 

“You mean after I graduate? Well, I’ll have a business degree. Obviously my goal is Olympics or bust, but after that I sort of really would love to go into swimwear. I’ve always kind of loved designing it, plus I have nerdy friends in science and engineering that could maaaybe help work on new types of synthetic fabrics for better streamlining while swimming. Ehhh, birthday boy?” Aki waggled her eyebrows suggestively, glancing around Haruka at Rin.

 

Haruka blinked in surprise, turning to eye Rin. “You’re an engineering major?”

 

“Yeah, engineering and English. Though Aki doesn’t seem to realize there are different branches of engineering…”

 

“I never realized.”

 

“You’re art, right?”

 

“Mm, yeah.”

 

“Makes sense, you’re amazing at it,” Rin hummed affectionately, laughing quietly when Haruka instinctively turned his face away from the compliment. “You really hate being complimented, don’t you?”

 

“You’re too much,” Haruka grumbled, glancing up in relief as the wait staff arrived with their meals.

 

Good. A distraction.

 

The rest of the meal passed by in a blur of playful banter and excitable festivities, until the evening had begun to wear on a bit too long and Rin had sleepily requested to escape for the night. After a seemingly endless amount of ‘thank you’s and ‘happy birthdays’ everyone had dispersed, leaving Rin, Sousuke, Gou and Nagisa with a bag full of gifts to lug back home.

 

“Thank you two again for coming,” Rin smiled, red eyes flitting back and forth between Haruka and Makoto. “It was a really special birthday…”

 

“Of course, Rin! It’s only fair, you helped give me a really great birthday, too,” Makoto smiled thoughtfully.

 

“Anyways, we should get going or we’re going to miss our train. It was really nice to finally get to meet you guys!” Gou smiled cheerfully. “I’ve heard so much about you both between Nagisa and oniichan, it was nice to actually see you in person.”

 

“Likewise. Bye guys, get home safe!” Makoto waved, watching the group begin to retreat.

 

Haruka nodded in agreement, shifting lightly from foot-to-foot, waiting another moment before grabbing a hold of his backpack. “Wait, Rin.”

 

Rin blinked, head tilting slightly as he turned back around, glancing at Haruka in curiosity. “Hmm?” he asked, the rest of the group pausing when they realized Rin hadn’t joined them in walking towards the station.

 

“I…” Haruka swallowed hard, fumbling through his bag nervously, feeling five sets of curious eyes on him. “I didn’t forget. Like I said I did, at dinner.” Haruka licked his lips nervously, finally finding what he was looking for among his pile of sketch books and art supplies. Carefully he pulled a box from his bag, awkwardly holding it out for Rin.

 

“Haru, I told you you didn’t need to get me anything for my birthday…” Rin mumbled, face flushing as he took the box in hand, fingers shaking slightly. “Why did you lie, anyways?”

 

Haruka shrugged awkwardly. “You make too big a deal out of things.”

 

“Can I open it now or…?”

 

Haruka nodded, focusing his attention on reorganizing his backpack, feeling horrifically put on the spot. He kept his attention down while Rin carefully opened the present, working at latching his backpack.

 

“…You little shit,” Rin laughed, red eyes twinkling as Haruka finally looked back up at the group.

 

“I told you I can watercolor.”

 

“Well you clearly weren’t lying. But cherry blossoms, really?” Rin grinned, fingers running over the surface of the canvas beneath his fingers, trailing along the stream of cherry blossom petals floating in the wind away from the tree in full bloom.

 

“Not my fault you’re a romantic,” Haruka shrugged nonchalantly.

 

“So I get a custom Nanase Haruka piece, huh? This is signed, right? So when you become famous I can brag that I’ve got one of your earlier pieces hanging in my bedroom?”

 

“Mm, you’re going to hang it in your bedroom?” Haruka asked, brow raising slightly.

 

“Maaaaybe. Oi, stop smiling! Why do you keep doing that?” Rin grumbled affectionately, kicking the side of Haruka’s shoe with the toes of his own.

 

“It’s on the back, by the way.”

 

Rin immediately flipped over the picture, unable to help himself from busting out laughing. “You _seriously_ draw a mackerel with your name when you sign something? You’re so dumb,” Rin snickered, transferring both painting and box to one hand before stepping forward, wrapping his other arm around Haruka’s shoulders and dragging him in for a hug. “Thank you, Haru…” he mumbled softly, breath warm and sweet against Haruka’s cheek.

 

Haruka froze at the contact, eyes widening instinctively, taking a moment to regain his bearings before gently leaning into that hug. Nervously his hands slipped downwards, settling on the jut of Rin’s hips, head briefly turning into Rin’s neck until Rin quickly pulled away. 

 

“S-Sorry, I shouldn’t have… just… anyways, thanks, Haru,” Rin rambled, face flushed as he pulled the painting to his chest, holding it securely with both arms.

 

“Happy birthday, Rin.”

 

“Oniichan, we really do need to get going or we’re going to miss our train!”

 

“Yeah, I love Mako-chan and Haru-chan too but I don’t want to have to wait for the next train, Rinrin. It’s cold!”

 

“S-Sorry, coming!” Rin yelped, giving a quick, final wave and a thanks to both Makoto and Haruka before jogging back over to his group.

 

Silently Haruka and Makoto turned on their heels, beginning to walk in the opposite direction, heading towards Makoto’s apartment.

 

“Hm, I didn’t know you’d started doing watercolor, Haru. I always thought you didn’t like it much, back in highschool…”

 

“Shut up, Makoto,” Haruka grunted, frowning at Makoto’s very obvious attempt to force back a smile.

 

“Oh come on! It’s good, Haru, getting out of your comfort zone. Change can be very rewarding,” Makoto grinned. 

 

“It’s not out of my comfort zone when I know how to do it…” Haruka sighed.

 

“Who says I was still talking about watercolor?” Makoto smiled, keeping a steady, easy pace alongside Haruka.

 

“Nothing’s going on between me and Rin.”

 

“I didn’t say it was.”

 

“You’re annoying,” Haruka sighed. 

 

Makoto laughed softly at the accusation. “You’ve changed a lot, Haru-chan.”

 

“It happens.”

 

“It’s nice, I think. After everything that’s happened this past year or so… I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you smile so much.”

 

“I don’t smile. And drop the –chan.”

 

“Liar. You smile all the time now, Haru- _chan_ ,” Makoto sing-songed affectionately.

 

“Makoto,” Haruka snapped.

 

“…You’re not going to spend the night at my apartment now, are you?” Makoto frowned.

 

“Keep this up and I might not.”

 

“Alright alright! But really, Haru. You seem so much happier now. I’m just… I’m just really glad, is all.”

 

“Mmm,” Haruka mumbled quietly in response, hugging his jacket closer to his body.

 

Makoto wasn’t wrong, really, though part of him couldn’t help but feel conflicted over it all. It’d only been eight months since that night at the club, and he couldn’t help but feel some odd sense of wrongness, like he was pushing himself through recovery too fast. Most of his checklist he’d gone through since that night he’d called Rin. When he did dream they were still nightmares, but it wasn’t a constant anymore. Some nights it all came back to him, yes, but more often than not his nights were pleasantly dream-free. The water had slowly began to shift back into a source of comfort, and his times were beginning to shrink, coming closer and closer to where they had been before the rape.

 

His coach was no longer reaming him on a daily basis, which was quite the blessing.

 

He couldn’t help but get the sense that things were too good right now, that everything was going _too well_ , that it was only a matter of time before he crashed and burned once again.

 

They continued on to Makoto’s in companionable silence.

 

\--

 

_The first thing he hears is the gentle, familiar whirl of the hotel room air conditioner as it battles the heat of early June. It’s loud and has an occasional crick to it, and Haruka settles into the familiarity of it all, knows immediately where he is without even bothering to open his eyes. The stench of cigarettes, the dry chill, the hot glop of semen… he readies himself for it all, knows what’s coming because this dream has been his one constant for the last eight months of his life._

_He grunts in irritation, is tired of this god forsaken hotel room, of the nightmare he relives over and over again, of the fact that something so shitty just won’t get out of his fucking head. He was feeling better, right? Getting over it? But these stupid, lucid dreams…_

_He should have known better than to think that he was finally moving on, getting better, recovering._

_He feels something shift against his leg and his eyes shoot open immediately because this is absolutely_ not _a part of his trauma. While this_ is _his hotel room, he’s supposed to be alone. His attacker’s never actually there_ with _him when he wakes up in bed, and his heart’s pounding in fear because as much as he wants to remember what his attacker looked like he’s not_ actually _ready to know who he is._

_“Are you okay, Haru?”_

_Haruka’s sitting up and scrambling away before the words reach his ears, and suddenly he freezes, blue eyes darting over to eye the man in bed with him._

_“…Rin?” Haruka chokes out in surprise, his breath catching in his throat as he finally gets an eyeful of his bed partner._

_Rin is very much naked, arms wrapped snuggly around the pillow his face is half buried in, his brow furrowed slightly, red eyes sleepy yet full of concern. The only thing hiding him from view is the sheet that’s lazily covering his lower half, but his chest is bare, full of smooth, unblemished skin._

_Haruka swallows hard, glancing down at himself, quickly realizing that Rin isn’t the only naked one, and with a slight flush he instinctively pulls his knees to his chest, well-aware he’s just unintentionally given Rin the full monty._

_“Who else would it be?” Rin mumbles, frowning and moving to sit up, dragging the pillow into his lap like a child cuddling a stuffed animal. Playfully Rin stretches out one of his feet, knocking their toes together affectionately. “What’s with the sudden modesty, anyways? I’ve seen you naked like a million times, Haru.”_

No, you haven’t _he wants to say, but he can’t because holyshit, he and Rin are naked in bed together. It’s a dream, of course, because this is certainly a hotel room he’ll never step foot in again for as long as he lives, but… this is 100% a new type of dream._

_He can’t say he’s opposed._

_“Seriously Haru, are you okay?” Rin’s voice is thick with worry now, and Haruka forces himself to nod, to gently abate Rin’s uneasiness._

_“I’m fine, Rin.”_

_“Mmm, alright.” Rin sits still for a moment, eyes watching Haruka, analyzing the situation. Finally he sets aside the pillow, gently fluffing it against the head of the bed before returning to his comfortable seat under the covers, waiting another few quiet, calm moments before suddenly reaching out with reflexes Haruka didn’t know he had, grabbing one of Haruka’s ankles and dragging his foot close._

_“O-Oi! Rin!” Haruka snaps out, trying to pull his foot back, but Rin’s grip is firm and strong and suddenly Rin’s other hand is toying along the soles of his foot, a smug, mischievous grin settled on those sharp features. “S-stop!” Haruka chokes out, voice barely a wheeze, attempting to use his free foot to kick Rin in the shoulder, to reclaim his captured limb._

_Rin’s laughing uncontrollably and as much as Haruka hates it, in about five seconds he’s doing the same as he giggles and whines and wheezes pathetically for Rin to stop because he_ hates _being tickled, and damn dream Rin for knowing his weaknesses._

_“Fine fine!” Rin snickers, releasing Haruka’s foot and letting Haruka immediately return his knees to his chest, hands defensively cupping around the soles of his feet to protect them from any future attacks._

_“Oh stop pouting. Had to lighten up the mood somehow. You were acting all shy and nervous around me, which is honestly kind of a shot to the self-esteem, you know. You take one look at me and suddenly you’re hiding in the corner covering your dick. I’d like to think I’m not_ that _ugly,” Rin laughs._

_“I forgot where I was,” Haruka says quickly, because the last thing Rin is is ugly, and he wants to put an end to that train of thought immediately._

_“You forgot you were in the hotel room_ you _booked for your six month anniversary with your boyfriend?” Rin asks incredulously, once again poking at Haruka’s foot with his toes._

_Boyfriends? They’re boyfriends in this dream?_

_He has to admit, there’s something rather… charming about the idea._

_Idly he wonders what being boyfriends entails, exactly, but Rin’s poking him for the third time, frustration beginning to set in. ”Yeah,” he finally says, not really sure how else to answer, his hand drifting from his own foot to Rin’s, gently running his thumb along the scars around Rin’s ankle._

_“Mmm, but now you remember, yes? That it’s our six month anniversary?” Rin muses aloud._

_“Yeah,” Haruka nods, still idly tracing the white scars._

_“Do you remember what we did last night, then?”_

_Haruka shakes his head, infinitely curious to see where his dream’s planning on taking this._

_“Perhaps you need an encore? Check out isn’t for another three hours, we have plenty of time to jostle your memory…”_

_Haruka nods quickly because yes, he’d very much like to know what they did last night. All of it. Every small, tiny, minute little detail._

_Before he knows it, Rin’s hands are back on his ankles and his knees are being forced apart, legs spread wide, and_ shit _an aggressive Rin is a hot Rin. Rin kneels forward and his mouth engulfs Haruka’s dick and_ fuuuuck _Rin is perfect and his mouth is perfect and everything is_ perfect _and Haruka never wants to wake up again._  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: none, really, though this chapter gets a bit consensually steamy at the end so there's that...
> 
> Also, next chapter is actually one of my absolute favorites, so I look forward to posting it!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is 100% earlier than I planned to post this chapter (which means it may take me awhile to update it again- sorry!), BUT, with the recent announcement that Free! is continuing, I couldn't help myself. I just HAD to post something to celebrate, and seeing as this is one of my favorite chapters of this fic, it felt apropos. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!!

 

 

Over the past two months sex dreams had apparently decided to become a thing for Haruka. He couldn’t exactly say he was displeased, honestly, because they were a welcomed reprieve from the nightmares that had been plaguing him for almost a year. But at the same time they made it very, _very_ difficult to keep a straight face when interacting with Rin. Especially one-on-one.

 

And unfortunately for him, they were currently alone, having left their Wednesday meeting together. Normally Sousuke would have come pick Rin up and take him home, but Sousuke had needed to have a checkup done on his shoulder, so Haruka had offered to take Rin home in his place so he could make his appointment.

 

Rin hadn’t exactly been pleased over being coddled by the pair of them, but in the end he’d relented, because arguing with Sousuke over his safety was a lost cause, and it was much easier to obey than to kick up a fuss.

 

“So how are your classes going so far?” Rin asked quietly, keeping a steady, easy pace alongside Haruka, his eyes wandering, staring at the cherry blossom trees in full bloom, lining the university courtyard.

 

“It’s the second day of the semester, Rin,” Haruka pointed out, his own attention on Rin’s profile, watching Rin watch the trees.

 

“Mm, you really _do_ love cherry blossoms, don’t you?” Haruka mused aloud, blinking in surprise when Rin turned to stare at him, face slightly flushed.

 

“Is it _that_ weird I like pretty flowers? I mean you’re obsessed with a fish, I’m pretty sure I’m the less weird one here.”

 

“Mackerel is amazing.”

 

“And so are cherry blossoms, so we’re even,” Rin laughed.

 

After a few more moments in silence Rin turned his attention back to the cherry blossoms, red eyes wandering. “Mm, are you seriously taking me all the way home?”

 

“Sousuke’d get annoyed if I didn’t.”

 

“But that’s a train ride to and from when you literally live five minutes away from here.”

 

“Not like I have anything else planned for tonight,” Haruka shrugged.

 

“So you’re being chivalrous because you’re bored. Alright,” Rin nodded in amusement.

 

“I’m not bored. I have mackerel waiting at home.”

 

“Woah now, you’re choosing escorting me home over the immediate consumption of mackerel? I feel like in Haru land I just got proposed to!” Rin snorted in amusement.

 

Haruka opened his mouth to give a quick retort, only to have himself cut off by the cold smack of a raindrop to his nose.

 

“Sh-shit, the weather said it wasn’t supposed to rain today!” Rin snapped, immediately darting over to one of the cherry blossom trees, ducking under the safety of its branches as the rain began to pick up, quickly settling into a sudden downpour.

 

Haruka sprinted after him, frowning a bit once they were, for the most part, safe from the rain. “Well it _is_ April…” he shrugged.

 

“Mmm, I wonder how long it’s going to last. I don’t have an umbrella on me…” Rin mumbled, tching in irritation, arms crossing over his chest as he watched all of the other students caught in the downpour flee for cover from the chilly rain.

 

“Mm, it got dark fast…” Haruka mused, glancing up at the skies. The forecast hadn’t called for rain, certainly, but April weather was predictable in its unpredictability. The gray clouds loomed heavily, and it didn’t take long for any trace of blue to disappear from the sky.

 

“Maybe that means it’ll move out fast, too. You have an umbrella, right? Why don’t you head home, Haru. You’re close enough you won’t get too wet, and I’ll just head to the station once it clears up. I don’t think anyone’s going to mug me in a downpour, I’ll be fine.”

 

Haruka immediately shook his head because no; he’d said he’d take Rin home and he intended to keep his promise. Also, Sousuke was annoying when he was mad.

 

Plus, well, time alone with Rin was a fairly rare commodity and he wanted to monopolize it when it was offered to him.

 

“When it lightens up we can share my umbrella and I’ll walk us to the station,” Haruka said, nodding firmly.

 

“Wait what? No, seriously, I’m fine. We _don’t_ need to share an umbrella,” Rin flushed, waving one of his hands dismissively. “Just go home, Haru.”

 

“No.”

 

“Oi, why not?”

 

“I said I’d walk you home.”

 

“Well I said you don’t have to.”

 

“I’m walking you home.”

 

“Seriously, Haru, just go home. You live two blocks away. I’ll be fine.”

 

“No.”

 

“Haru, you’re being an ass. I don’t need a babysitter. Just go home and stay dry!”

 

For a few minutes they stayed silent, eying one another in a clear standoff, neither willing to back down as the rain began to let up a bit, still heavy but no longer blinding in its intensity. Haruka stood still, glancing between Rin and the rain before suddenly reaching out, wrapping his fingers firmly around Rin’s surprisingly slender wrist.

 

“Oi, Haru, what are yo- _H-Haru_!” Rin yelped as he was yanked forward, dragged out from under the relative protection of the cherry blossom tree and into the onslaught of cold, thick rain. “What the hell is _wrong_ with you!?” Rin cried, trying to yank his wrist away, only to be denied by Haruka’s strong, firm grip.

 

Despite Rin’s hissing curses Haruka dragged him in close, unfazed by the cold rain, blue focused only on squinting red, half obscured by waterlogged hair.

 

“Wh-what…?” Rin repeated in confusion, face flushed at the closeness, drenched and nearly chest to chest, Haruka’s hand slipping from Rin’s wrist and settling around his fingers instead. “What are you doing?” Rin wheezed out, eyes wide in a mix of fear and confusion.

 

“Dancing,” Haruka explained easily, nudging at Rin’s shin with his right foot, attempting to will Rin to step back into the first movement of the basic box step. To be honest Haruka had no idea what he was doing, he’d never really learned how to dance, but it seemed easy enough. He was a quick learner, he could totally handle this.

 

“Why the hell are we dancing?” Rin grunted in confusion, eyes glancing down at their feet, finally making the connection as to why Haruka was toeing at him, tentatively taking a step back, unsteady on his feet.

 

“It’s on your bucket list, right? I saw it in your notebook. Dancing in the rain,” Haruka nodded to himself, gently tapping Rin’s foot once again with his own, approving as Rin dazedly moved his foot.

 

“Oi, there are people around watching us…” Rin hissed lowly, face flushed red in embarrassment.

 

“So?”

 

“What if they… say something?”

 

“Mm, why does it matter if they do?”

 

Rin didn’t seem to have an answer for that and, face still red, he fell into an awkward silence, focusing instead on keeping his steps steady, quickly falling into an easy, harmonious rhythm with Haruka.

 

“I-I saw it in a movie, once…” Rin finally said, voice low and weak, eyes glancing up briefly at the rain and cherry blossoms looming around them. “When I was in Australia. It was another American classic, but…” Rin swallowed hard, eyes flitting back to meet Haruka’s, only to dart away once more. “He didn’t dance like this. He danced by himself, with an umbrella…” Rin choked out, and Haruka honestly couldn’t tell if he was crying or not.

 

“Sorry, I’m not really a dancer,” Haruka admitted awkwardly, fingers unconsciously clenching around Rin’s hand.

 

“No, no. I-I didn’t mean it like that… this is…” Rin swallowed hard, looking away from Haruka. “It’s nice,” he finally admitted, voice airy and meek. “I can’t believe you remembered…”

 

Smiling softly Haruka stepped back slightly, grip still firm on Rin’s hand, raising both their hands, gently twisting at Rin’s wrist, willing him to move.

 

“Really, Haru? You’re going to _twirl_ me?” Rin snorted in amusement, shaking his head as Haruka gave his hand another insistent tug, refusing to stop until Rin complied. Reluctantly Rin turned on his heels, unable to get rid of the near permanent blush staining his face as he was dragged back into their hold. “I can’t believe we’re dancing in the middle of campus in the pouring rain…”

 

Haruka shrugged indifferently.

 

“Everyone’s watching…”

 

Haruka shrugged again.

 

“Let them.”

 

Silently Haruka resumed the careful movement of his feet, chest still flush with Rin’s. It was amazing how warm Rin was, even in the middle of the rain, skin radiating heat through that drenched shirt. There was almost a magical quality to the moment, a silent, intimate, _beautiful_ enormity as the rain continued to fall, dripping down his nose and cheeks. He wasn’t lucky like Rin, he didn’t at least have a beanie on (though admittedly it wasn’t doing much to keep Rin’s hair from sticking to his face), but in the end it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that closeness, that heat, the nervous huff of Rin’s breath with each step between them, the slight tremble of those shy fingers nestled within his own…

 

He didn’t want to stop, not really. Didn’t want the moment to end, didn’t want the rain to cease, didn’t want to _let Rin go._ Yet after another minute or so the storm began to pass as quickly as it’d rolled in, and reluctantly, slowly, he found himself releasing Rin, eyes drifting upwards at the still darkened sky. “Mmm, let’s go to my place before it picks back up.”

 

“W-Wait, yours? I need to get home, Haru.”

 

“You’ll freeze.”

 

“And whose fault is that? I’m not the one that dragged us out into the rain.”

 

“Come on, Rin. It’s only two blocks.”

 

“I know that, I was the one trying to get to you to go ho- Haru!” Rin yelped as his wrist was once again grabbed, this time being dragged into a light jog in the drizzling rain. “What’s gotten into you today!?” Rin growled in frustration, yanking his hand free from Haruka’s grip, reluctantly settling into a steady jog alongside Haruka.

 

Honestly, Haruka didn’t actually _know_ what had gotten into him. The dancing had been a spur-of-the-moment idea, one that had come to him only because the stars had aligned. The rain, the cherry blossom trees in full bloom, the brief words he’d seen in Rin’s notebook months and months ago… he hadn’t really been thinking, honestly, he’d just acted on his instincts.

 

He really _did_ have absolutely no self-control when Rin was around.

 

“It’s this way,” he said instead, pointing to the left once they’d reached the edge of campus, quickly learning that Rin was a much better runner than he was.

 

“Shit!” Rin hissed out as the rain began to pick up again. “Run faster, Haru!” he snapped, not sure where he was headed, needing Haruka to stay in front of him and guide him to the mysterious apartment.

 

Another minute and they were slipping into Haruka’s building, having to dip into the alleyway behind a convenience store to reach the hidden entryway.

 

“You live above a store?” Rin asked in breathy amusement, tugging off his beanie once they were in the hallway, following closely behind Haruka as he lead the pair up the narrow stairwell leading to two apartment entryways.

 

“Yeah. It’s small but convenient,” Haruka nodded, fumbling to get his keys out of his drenched pocket, pants clinging to his thighs. Once he jiggled it free he opened the door, pushing it open and stepping inside, immediately removing his soaked shoes, making space for Rin to join him.

 

“Oh, this isn’t so bad,” Rin mused, removing his coat and shoes to hang in the entryway, watching Haruka head further inside after dropping off his soaked backpack.

 

“You can take a shower first,” Haruka offered, yanking off his shirt and sliding out of his pants, disappearing briefly behind a curtain where, Rin presumed, his laundry machine was. “It’s my fault we’re both drenched,” Haruka stated, stepping back out, wearing only the jammers he’d had on under his clothing, pointing towards one of the other doors. “Bathroom is in there. I can take your clothes.”

 

“Uhm, I’ll take them off in the bathroom, if that’s alright…” Rin winced as he stepped into the apartment, feeling the water drip from his pants, well aware Haruka was going to have to spend some time mopping up his mess.

 

Haruka nodded in understanding. “I’ll get you some clothes you can borrow, then. There’s a spare white towel hanging in the bathroom you can use.”

 

“Ah, thanks.”

 

Rin quickly disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Haruka to wander the small studio apartment, turning on the heater and tidying up as best he could. Next he moved to his closet, frowning slightly as he tried to figure out what would fit Rin the best. There honestly wasn’t a huge size difference between them, especially since he wore his clothes looser than Rin to begin with, and after a few minutes he’d pieced together an outfit, carefully setting it outside the door for Rin.

 

Another couple minutes and the bathroom door opened briefly, the clothes disappearing as Rin quickly changed.

 

“Alright Haru, I have to ask. What the hell _is_ this thing?” Rin asked the moment he stepped out of the bathroom, fingers holding each side of the t-shirt he was wearing, staring down in amusement.

 

“Northern stoplight loosejaw-kun,” Haruka explained blandly, eyes glued on Rin. There was something oddly… attractive about seeing Rin in his clothes. In his favorite sleep shirt and his pajama bottoms and his cartoon dolphin socks and under it all Rin was definitely wearing his favorite fish print boxerbriefs…

 

_Shit._

 

“…Is that supposed to make any sense?”

 

Haruka shrugged, shaking away his own distraction. “Loosey-kun’s the most comfortable shirt I own.”

 

“Loosey-kun? He has a nickname?” Rin snickered.

 

Haruka didn’t respond, instead walking over to the kitchenette, pouring a cup of tea he’d brewed while Rin was showering, quietly carrying it over and offering it to Rin. “Are you warm now?”

 

Rin took the cup in hand, nodding. “Uh yeah, I’m fine.  You should go warm up, though. I’m going to guess your coach’ll kill you if you get sick because you decided to dance in the rain in April,” Rin laughed, pausing to take a sip of his tea. “Oh, wait! I left my clothes in the sink.”

 

“Mm, I’ll get them when I finish up. Then I can put the towels in the wash, too.”

 

“Oh, alright.”

 

“Sorry I don’t have a lot. Feel free to explore though, I’ll be quick.”

 

“Oh no, it’s fine,” Rin dismissed, moving to go take a seat at the kotatsu, tea in hand.

 

Haruka nodded, slipping into the bathroom, eyes immediately drifting to the clothes in the sink.

 

_Red plaid underwear? No wonder he didn’t make fun of my fish…_

 

Haruka smiled softly to himself, shutting the door behind him, quickly adding his jammers to the pile of wet clothes in the sink before hopping into the shower. Hastily he washed off, the hot water a welcomed change from the chill of the rain, finishing up within ten minutes or so. He stepped out, grabbing his blue towel, drying himself off before realizing he’d forgotten to grab a change of clothes. He frowned for a moment before shrugging to himself, wrapping the towel around his waist before slipping out of the bathroom, mumbling out a “forgot my clothes” as he made his way to the closet.

 

“Hm?” Rin asked, looking up from some of the papers Haruka’d left out on the table from the night before, eyes immediately shooting back down to stare at his cup of tea, face red. “S-Sorry!” he yelped out, swallowing hard, looking anywhere but at Haruka.

 

Haruka tilted his head, glancing over at Rin for a moment, blinking slowly before shrugging to himself, grabbing a change of clothes. Quickly he retreated back into the bathroom, slipping into his dry outfit before gathering up the towels and wet clothes, heading back out and putting them into the wash before returning to join Rin, taking a seat across him at the kotatsu.

 

“Is this from last semester?” Rin asked idly, fingers tapping along one of the papers.

 

“Oh, yeah. Coach wants us all to take English, regardless of major.”

 

“Haru, you _barely_ passed English. What about your scholarship?”

 

“I only needed to pass, it’s not for my major,” Haruka shrugged.

 

“Are you taking English this semester, too?” Rin frowned, flipping through the pages.

 

“Mm, yeah,” Haruka sighed. He really, _really_ hated English class. It was a dumb requirement, honestly. He was a swimmer and an artist, he didn’t need to take English, but his coach had thought it’d be ‘advantageous to his career’ if he could communicate with international competitors and press. He barely talked to his own teammates, why the hell would he start talking to strangers from other teams? And what career, anyways? He was swimming for a scholarship to get him through four years of schooling, not for medals.

 

“You barely passed last semester, how the hell are you going to pass when it gets even harder?” Rin mused.

 

Haruka shrugged; he really didn’t want to think about an entire semester of even harder English.

 

“I could tutor you, if you’d like,” Rin suggested suddenly, and Haruka couldn’t stop himself from staring in surprise. “I mean, only if you want the help, of course. I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure this shit out yourself, just... I’m fluent. Had to get one good thing out of living in Australia, at least.”

 

“Sure,” Haruka replied immediately, not bothering to think about it. He didn’t have to think about it, really. Alone time with Rin was 100% worth suffering through extra English lessons.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Oh, alright. I mean… that works. Did you want to start today or…? Wait, what days are you even free?” Rin rambled, pausing to take another sip of his tea.

 

“Wednesday evenings,” Haruka pointed out in mild amusement, earning a scowl from Rin at his obvious answer. “If you don’t mind being over here we could study after our meetings. Oh, your mom.”

 

“Mm, I gave her a quick call already while you were in the shower. But yeah, I guess Wednesday evenings work. Obviously. And it’d mean Sousuke wouldn’t have to come back to campus to come pick me up. Though I guess that would mean you’d have to take me home. Or well, obviously I can go home alone but I know Sousuke’ll be irritated if I suggest it.”

 

“I have a futon. You could spend the night, if you wanted,” Haruka suggested, voice breaking a bit, instinctively bringing his own cup of tea to his lips for a much needed distraction.

 

“Ah, I’m not sure that’d be a good idea. I mean I don’t have anything here.”

 

“You can borrow my clothes, and they sell toothbrushes and such downstairs,” Haruka pointed out, taking another sip of his tea, eyes wandering, staring momentarily at the scars around Rin’s wrists.

 

“Yeah, that’s true. I guess… I’m gonna call Sousuke real quick,” Rin said, noticing Haruka’s stare, hands immediately crossing, covering both wrists embarrassedly. “I didn’t… I mean, they’re not from me doing anything to myself. I’ve never cut, if that’s what you were thinking. I just… they’re from the chains. I-I have them on my neck, too. And my ankles. I struggled a lot and just…”

 

“Rin, you don’t have to explain anything. You were going to call Sousuke, right?”

 

“Oh! Uh, yeah, sorry. Thanks. I just…”

 

“Rin.”

 

“Y-Yeah, I’m gonna go do that,” Rin mumbled, grabbing his cellphone from on top of the kotatsu, disappearing into the entryway of the studio apartment in some attempt at privacy.

 

Haruka tried not to eavesdrop on the conversation, choosing to stand up and go looking for a sweatshirt in case Rin wanted it, but it was impossible not to hear Rin’s end of the conversation in the tiny apartment.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m at Haru’s, sorry I didn’t call sooner. Anyways, I’m thinking about maybe spending the night here. It’s still raining and it’s cold and Haru sucks at English so I’m going to help him out some.”

 

Haruka scowled instinctively. He was perfectly fine at reading English, thanks, it was just spoken English that he wasn’t particularly good at.

 

 “Yeah, I know. I… I think I’ll be fine?” Rin mumbled, voice uncertain.

 

Haruka frowned at Rin’s obvious doubt, taking a seat at the kotatsu once more, blue sweatshirt settled on his lap.

 

“No, I’ll _definitely_ be fine. I can do this, Sousuke. I was okay at Kisumi’s, I’m sure I’ll be fine here. Haru was with me then, too.”

 

Haruka couldn’t really keep up with the conversation, not when he was only hearing half of it, but he couldn’t help but wonder what was making Rin so nervous.

 

“Jeez, fine. Yes, I promise. I’ll be okay. See you tomorrow, then? Mm, alright. Bye, Sousuke.”

 

“You alright?” Haruka asked as Rin returned to join him, taking a seat across the kotatsu.

 

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Sousuke just worries too much about everything.”

 

“Mm, sounds like Makoto.” Haruka glanced down at his lap, taking the hoodie and holding it up for Rin. “If you’re cold. Or want to cover up.”

 

Rin stared at the sweatshirt, shifting awkwardly in his spot before reaching to take the hoodie in hand. “Do they make you uncomfortable? I know they’re gross.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“The scars…” Rin mumbled, running his fingers over the fabric of the warm, blue sweatshirt.

 

“Of course not,” Haruka frowned, drinking down the last bit of his tea. “It’s for your comfort, Rin, not mine.”

 

“Oh. You don’t… care? They’re just disg-”

 

“Rin, _nothing_ about you disgusts me, especially not your scars,” Haruka interrupted irritably, rising to his feet. “Do you want more tea?”

 

“Ah, no, I’m fine. I-I’m kind of hot, honestly,” Rin mumbled, folding up the sweatshirt and setting it aside, his voice still wavering a bit in nervousness.

 

Haruka nodded, moving to collect their cups, heading towards the kitchenette. “You hungry?” he asked, setting the cups in the sink and reaching for his apron hanging off the side of his cabinetry.

 

“Yeah, kind of. Usually Sousuke and I grab dinner right after meetings.”

 

“Mm, I wasn’t expecting anyone so I only have mackerel, sorry. Next week I’ll make sure to have something else.”

 

“Oh, no, it’s fine. Your mackerel’s good, anyways,” Rin hummed quietly, returning to going nosily through Haruka’s papers.

 

Haruka couldn’t help but feel his chest well in pride because yes, his mackerel was _delicious_ , and it was so rare that his friends actually let him know it was any good. They were always so hung up on his unvaried diet, rather than on his culinary skill.

 

Quietly he set to work on washing the rice, giving it a solid rinse before putting it into the cooker and going for the fresh mackerel in the fridge. He hesitated briefly before settling on simmered miso mackerel, grabbing his cutting board and knife and scoring the skin side of the filets.

 

“Man, I can’t get over how good you are at sketching. Some of these really look like photographs.”

 

Haruka stopped after putting the final mackerel filet into the pan, trying to figure out what Rin was looking at.

 

Oh. His finished sketchbook. He’d meant to put it away with the rest, but he’d just finished it last night and then he’d fallen asleep at the kotatsu, so all of his papers from the night before had been left scattered around in his haste to make it to morning training.

 

Well he _had_ told Rin to feel free to look around, and at least he was sticking to the kotatsu.

 

Wait. _Wait_.

 

“Haru…?”

 

_Oh god no_.

 

“Is this _porn_?” Rin snorted, bursting out laughing from the kotatsu.

 

Haruka immediately darted out of the kitchenette, moving to snatch his sketchbook away from Rin, face flushed.

 

“I can’t believe you draw porn, Haru,” Rin wheezed, face dropping to the kotatsu as he tried to get his breath back.

 

“Sh-shut up,” Haruka grumbled, clutching the sketchbook to his chest defensively.

 

It wasn’t like he _normally_ drew pornographic images. In fact it was a very new development as far as his art went. It was just that with the very recent, very _vivid_ change in his dreams, he had to vent about them _somehow_. And when things bothered Haruka he managed them in one of two ways: by swimming or by drawing. And thinking about sex dreams with Rin while trying to swim was, well, pretty counterintuitive. Raging hard-ons weren’t exactly conducive to good swim times, and he was already on thin ice with his coach. Drawing scenes from his dreams had been the only logical outlet.

 

“And it’s two men, too. I’m learning so much about you today, Haru. You’re a terrible dancer, a ridiculously slow runner, and you draw gay porn in your spare time. Not very detailed, though. Didn’t even fill in the poor guys’ faces. Just dicks and limbs, I see where your priorities lie,” Rin snickered, lifting his head off the kotatsu with a toothy grin.

 

There was a reason he hadn’t drawn faces on the pictures, and this was exactly why. Though he’d been afraid it’d be Makoto stumbling onto his pictures, not _Rin himself_.

 

At least Rin didn’t know the pictures were of _them_.

 

Small miracles.

 

“I’m not a terrible dancer…” Haruka frowned, face still flushed, grip still tight on that sketchbook.

 

“Mmm, you kinda are. You kept stepping on my toes.”

 

“You didn’t say anything.”

 

“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

 

“Well _you_ were like a deer in the headlights.”

 

“Well it’s not like I was expecting an impromptu waltz in the pouring rain, thanks!”

 

“It was the box step.”

 

“Oh whatever, close enough.”

 

For a moment silence hung heavily between them, Rin sitting at the kotatsu, Haruka standing in front of him with his book.

 

“…Do you smell something burning?” Rin finally asked, breaking the silence as Haruka’s eyes went wide.

 

“The mackerel!” he yelped, darting back to the kitchen only to find a caramelized mess of burning mackerel and miso, smoke beginning to billow. Tossing his sketchbook onto the counter he took the entire pan, shoving it into the small sink and quickly turning the water on, waving his hand as he tried to disperse the smoke before it set off the alarm.

 

“So… pizza?” Rin asked, peering around the entryway to the kitchenette.

 

“I wanted mackerel…” Haruka sighed, stepping around Rin to start opening all of the apartment windows.

 

“Seafood pizza? It’s… kind of close. Ish,” Rin offered, watching Haruka make his rounds.

 

“No it’s not.”

 

“Oh throw me a bone, I’m trying over here,” Rin sighed, reaching over to turn off the water, nose scrunching up at the hunks of burnt mackerel filling the sink.

 

“I guess it’ll do.”

 

One devoured seafood pizza, a trip downstairs to the convenience store and two hours of English practice later and Haruka found himself dragging out the futon he kept around in case Makoto ever stayed over, pulling it close to his small, twin-sized bed.

 

“You sleep better when you’re near someone, don’t you?” Haruka mused aloud, nodding to himself once the futon was aligned with his bed, heading towards the linen closet to grab a spare blanket and extra pillow.

 

“N-No, I’m fine alone,” Rin snapped defensively, watching nervously as Haruka set up his bedding.

 

“Mm, well, you don’t mind being near someone when you’re sleeping, then?”

 

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine,” Rin flushed rubbing idly at the nape of his neck.

 

“I only have one spare pillow, is that enough?”

 

“Yeah, it should be fine. Next time I’ll bring my own pillow…” Rin mumbled quietly.

 

“…You’re going to spend the night next Wednesday, too?”

 

“Uh, well, I mean I don’t have to. It was just a thought, so Sousuke doesn’t have to come get me or you don’t have to walk me back or whatever. Maybe one of these days I can even cook for you or something.”

 

“Mm, you should. Spend the night and cook for me.”

 

“Y-Yeah. It’s just not fair for you to have to cook dinner every Wednesday just because we’re studying at you’re place.” Rin watched as Haruka finished tidying up the futon, climbing into his own bed and crawling underneath the covers. He waited patiently for Rin to settle in, having both already washed up, before reaching over to turn off the small lamp he kept on his bedside table, sending the room into darkness.

 

“Wow, your apartment gets really dark at night…” Rin mumbled from the floor, shifting and fluffing his pillow distractedly.

 

“Mm, black out curtains, otherwise it’s too bright from the streetlamps.”

 

“Do you maybe like… I don’t know, have some source of like… smaller light?”

 

“Like a nightlight?” Haruka asked in confusion, glancing over the edge of the bed to try to eye Rin, though his vision had yet to adjust to the darkness.

 

“I’m not a little kid,” Rin groused, voice heavy with embarrassment.

 

“No, I don’t have anything like that. With the blinds open it’s too bright.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I could maybe leave the bathroom light on, but it’s pretty bright, too...”

 

“You can’t sleep when there’s light, can you?”

 

“Mm, not really.”

 

“It’s fine, then. Anyways, just… go to sleep. Night, Haru.”

 

“Night, Rin.”

 

For a few minutes they laid together in silence, Rin occasionally shifting and squirming under the covers in clear discomfort while Haruka attempted to force himself to go to sleep. Finally he sighed, glancing back over the edge of his bed. “I can turn on the bathroom light, Rin.”

 

“I said it’s fine, Haru,” Rin argued weakly, legs shifting under his blanket. “You need to sleep.”

 

“So do you.”

 

“Well then we’re at an impasse now aren’t we? You have training tomorrow, though, so you need sleep more.”

 

Haruka stilled for a moment, mind churning, before finally lifting up the sheets to his bed, glancing down at Rin. “Get in.”

 

“…What?”

 

“Get in bed with me, Rin. You sleep in bed with Sousuke all the time, don’t you?”

 

“Wh-what!? How the hell do you know that?” Rin snapped, jerking upright to glare at Haruka.

 

“Mm, I suspected after he mentioned you two really only needing one bed. Makoto verified. Those two talk a lot,” Haruka hummed quietly.

 

“Fucking gossips…” Rin growled, running an embarrassed hand through his mussed hair. “I mean, it’s not like we’re yanno… anything. Because ew, he’s my best friend. It’s just, it’s comforting I guess. Fuck. We can’t both fit in your bed, anyways.”

 

“We’ll squeeze.”

 

“Haru, we’re two grown ass adult men.”

 

“I’ll press up against the wall, then, and make room. Just get in the bed, Rin.”

 

Haruka could feel the hesitation, the tenseness and the fear, as Rin mulled over the option. “You don’t have to do this, you know. To be nice to me. False kindness pisses me off...”

 

“Rin, stop being dramatic,” Haruka sighed, shaking the covers expectantly, still holding them open for Rin to slide in alongside him. “If I didn’t want you here I wouldn’t invite you here. I don’t do things unless I actually want to do them.”

 

That seemed to work, and finally, reluctantly, Rin kicked off his blanket, grabbing his pillow and nervously crawling over to the edge of Haruka’s bed, rising to his feet only to tentatively slip under the covers, pillow clutched close.

 

“See? Not that bad.” Haruka shifted as close as he could to the wall, butt touching the surface, giving Rin as much room as he could as Rin settled in alongside him. Immediately Rin turned away, facing the room, back to Haruka as he slipped the pillow under his head, attempting to leave as much distance between them as possible.

 

Haruka frowned lightly, realizing he could spread out some if Rin was going to hug the edge of the bed all night.

 

“It’s stupid, I know,” Rin sighed quietly, voice muffled by the pillow he’d half-buried his face in. “Everyone always assumes I hate being touched, yanno? After everything. But outside of the, the s-sex, he never really touched me. Never hugged me or anything like that. Every night I spent alone in the basement. It was so dank and dark and cold and lonely and _awful_ down there, but I guess… I guess because he never touched me I don’t associate stuff like, like this with him. So instead of getting nervous at night if someone’s touching me or hugging me or whatever, it’s comforting. It’s like a reminder that I’m not in the basement anymore, that I’m safe… fuck it’s stupid, I’m an adult now, it’s been over six years.”

 

Haruka didn’t really think as he turned around, staring momentarily at the back of Rin’s head as he talked.

 

He certainly didn’t think as he reached his arm out, slipping it tentatively around Rin’s waist, gently tugging Rin closer until his own face was buried in that ridiculously soft red hair, fondly noting that it smelled like his own shampoo.

 

“…Haru, what are you doing?” Rin bristled, trembling nervously under the touch.

 

“Going to sleep,” Haruka mumbled into Rin’s hair, his hold on Rin loosening, arm still draped comfortably over that tapered waist.

 

“But…”

 

“You’re safe, Rin,” he whispered sleepily, already beginning to doze off. Mm, Rin really did radiate warmth…

 

The words seemed to calm Rin as he tentatively relaxed into that hold.

 

“G-Goodnight, Haru…”

 

“Mm, g’night, Rin…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Nothing, really, unless I missed something that might bother other people (if I did please let me know!)
> 
> Note on Haru's apartment: I actually found an apartment in Tokyo that I based his place off of, completely, 100% forgetting that we actually SEE Haru's apartment in ES. WHOOPS. Anyways, this chapter was already written and I prefer the layout of the place I picked better anyways, so I'm sticking with it. Hopefully that doesn't bother anyone!
> 
> Also, I 100% believe that Rin may be the romantic fool, but Haru can totally outromance him any day of the week. Poor Rin is not prepared for this AT ALL.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg this took awhile to update. At least I forewarned that it would, lol. Thankfully, gift fics and events are done so I can FINALLY get back to working on this fic. Anyways, sadly not the most exciting chapter, but still an important one, so I hope you enjoy regardless!

 

“What? You got one of the top marks on your oral English quiz? I’m so proud, Haru!” Rin grinned, lightly punching Haruka’s shoulder in affection. “Seven weeks of Matsuoka tutoring and you’re _finally_ shaping up! That’s awesome, seriously.”

 

“So noisy…” Haruka grumbled affectionately, earning a laugh from Chigusa.

 

“Rin has to bring the noise, with Aki not around much anymore it gets too quiet in here. I wish she didn’t have to graduate, this room is really lacking in the female department...”

 

“Amakata-sensei’ll be here soon,” Aiichirou smiled, patting Chigusa affectionately on the shoulder.

 

“True, but Aki was loud. It was nice.”

 

“Did I hear someone say my name?”

 

Chigusa glanced up at the sound of a cheery voice in the entryway, bright smile spreading over her face, eyes lighting up. “Aki! What are you doing here?”

 

“Apparently bringing some much-needed estrogen to this party. But really I just… missed you guys, I guess? And you told me I was welcome to come if I started having trouble or anything, so… here I am!”

 

“Well you’re certainly _always_ welcome, Aki. Graduate or not, doesn’t change that you have a reason to be here,” Rin grinned, reaching over to drag another chair into the circle, giving it an expectant pat.

 

“Good, it’s like my home away from home. Not seeing you guys every week was stressing me ou- Rin, are you wearing a _t-shirt_!?” Aki gasped, staring blatantly at Rin’s bare arms as she moved to take the offered seat.

 

“Uh, yeah. It was just really hot today…” Rin mumbled, reaching instinctively for the sweatshirt he’d left draped over his lap.

 

“No no, I mean that’s awesome! I’ve just never seen your skin in person. And don’t you _dare_ put on that sweatshirt, mister,” she scowled.

 

“Oh shit, who let Aki back in here?” Kazuki asked as he slipped into the room alongside Takuya, grinning.

 

“Love you too, Kazuki.”

 

“So what snacks we got today?” Takuya hummed idly, setting down his bag and glancing over at the table of food.

 

“Oh, Haru and I stopped by Mister Donut. You guys are lucky we even made it here, because apparently Pon de Lion was doing a meet-and-greet and _someone_ had to get pictures with him,” Rin snickered, blatantly side-eying Haruka.

 

“He’s amazing…” Haruka huffed quietly, arms crossing over his chest.

 

“We waited in line for over an hour.”

 

“We still made it on time…”

 

“There are a few fruit-filled ones in the back, Takuya,” Rin pointed out, earning a nod and a thanks as he pointedly ignored Haruka.

 

“Oh excellent, the gang’s all here!” Amakata smiled, walking into the classroom, lesson books in hand. “Aki, how have you been doing? It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you.”

 

“Good! It’s weird not having class, let me tell you. But seeing these guys definitely makes my day all better!”

 

“That’s good! It’s always sad when students graduate and disappear. I always worry about them… I’m happy you’re here, though! So does anyone have something they would like to talk about?”

 

For the briefest of moments Haruka debated, for the first time since he’d started attending meetings, raising his voice. Deep into May and they were rapidly approaching June, and he could _feel_ the swelling of anxiousness beginning to build up inside himself.

 

June 2nd.

 

June 2nd and it’d be exactly one year since his entire life had been forcibly changed. One year since he’d thought the world was falling apart. One year since everything around him had crumbled to dust.

 

He stayed quiet, however, unable to make the words come out, grateful when Rin stepped up instead.

 

“Well, it’s not really anything super important, but Worlds are this year. Since we got so many swimmers here, I was wondering if-“

 

“Uhm, excuse me?”

 

Rin paused in the middle of talking, turning to glance at the doorframe, blinking in surprise at the ridiculously tall redhead leaning into the classroom nervously. “Hello? Can I help you?”

 

“S-sorry! I was just wondering if this was maybe where the recovery grou- have I met you before?”

 

Rin blinked up at those owlish, gold, staring eyes, awkwardly shaking his head as he rose to his feet to walk over and meet with their guest. “Uh, not that I’m aware of, but I get that a lot. Yes, though, this is where the recovery group meets. Did you need to speak with someone or were you here for the meeting, maybe?”

 

“Okay good! I got all messed up on campus trying to figure out where the meeting was because I never come to this side and I couldn’t find the room and- woah.”

 

Rin tilted his head in confusion as the other redhead cut himself off, quickly realizing he was being intensely stared at by the newcomer. Instinctively he covered the scars on his neck with his hand, scowling. “Didn’t your mom teach you not to stare?” he snapped out irritably.

 

_I’m pretty sure that’s not where he’s looking, Rin..._

 

Haruka frowned at the thought, well aware that the newcomer’s sightline had been distinctively looking down Rin’s v-necked t-shirt.

 

“Play nice, Rin!” Aki scolded, rising easily to her feet and walking over to join them. “Welcome welcome! Yes, this is the on-campus recovery group meeting, sorry our location’s a bit weird. We have donuts in the corner if you’re hungry as well! Why don’t I grab you a chair with the group?”

 

“Pretty…” the redhead mumbled out, attention shifting from Rin to Aki, eyes wide and sparkling.

 

Aki stared for a moment before snorting. “No.”

 

“I’ll grab the chair!” Aiichirou chirped helpfully, moving to grab another one of the classroom’s chairs, bringing it to the circle, slipping it between Chigusa and himself. “Then we can go around introducing ourselves.”

 

“Not even going to let your advisor do her introduction speech? Well fine then,” Amakata chuckled from her seat, pulling out some papers to start grading instead.

 

“It’s alright, we totally got this,” Rin dismissed with an amused wave, moving to retake his seat next to Haruka, hand still tentatively covering his neck.

 

“He wasn’t looking at your scars…” Haruka mumbled reassuringly, letting his hand settle on Rin’s knee comfortingly, only to realize that the gesture could be easily misconstrued, immediately sliding his hand back to his own lap.

 

“Where else would he be looking?” Rin frowned, shaking his head and sighing to himself before redirecting his attention. “Anyways, we don’t really have a ton of rules here or anything, but basically we meet once a week on Wednesday here. Obviously. Anyways, Amakata-sensei started this group about six years ago as a place where people that have experienced some kind of trauma, be it emotional abuse, sexual abuse, whatever, can come together and talk about their experiences or struggles with other people that have been through similar experiences.”

 

“So… everyone here’s been through something?” the redhead asked, glancing at Aki and Chigusa.

 

“Yeah, they wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t. Well, except for Kazuki, he’s here for Takuya. Anyways, when we get new members, we usually just go around and have everyone introduce themselves. You can tell us as little or as much as you want, we just ask for a first name and that’s it. You aren’t required to talk, there aren’t any group exercises you’re forced to do or anything. It’s just a place where you can feel safe to talk openly among people who have been where you’ve been and aren’t going to judge you. Nothing leaves this room, so you’re safe to say whatever you want in confidence.”

 

“I can start, if you’d like?” Chigusa suggested, idly raising her hand.

 

“Yeah sure,” Rin smiled, nodding in approval.

 

“Well, I’m Chigusa. I’m a third year here. I started coming to meetings after I got out of a really unhealthy relationship with my now ex-boyfriend.”

 

“Oh…” the redhead mumbled, frowning at her admission.

 

“No no! I’m fine, really. I’ve come a long way since then,” she smiled brightly, waving both hands dismissively.

 

“I’ll go next? Uhm, I’m Ai. I’m also a third year. I’m studying to become a marine biologist! I’ve always loved swimming and ocean life and such. I couldn’t cut it as a swimmer in high school, so marine biology seemed like a good fit. Anyways, I started coming here when I first started attending university. My dad used to hit me while I was growing u-“

 

“Mine too!” The redhead shouted excitably, sitting up in his seat, leaning in close, looming over the smaller man. “Was yours drunk all the time, too!?”

 

“…Uh…no…” Aiichirou stuttered out awkwardly, blue eyes looking around wildly for some backup as he cowered into his seat.

 

“Oh.”

 

Haruka couldn’t help but stare. Was the new guy… disappointed by that?

 

“Err, me next I guess? I’m Takuya, this is Kazuki. We’re both third years. We started coming after I got beat up a while ago. I tried to break up a fight, some thugs harassing some girl… I woke up in the hospital after that and I’ve struggled with what happened ever since. At least she was fine, but yeah…”

 

Haruka blinked in surprise. Back in July, when it’d been him attending his first meeting, all the members had been so reserved when speaking about themselves. No one but Aki had been brave enough to truly tell their story, and he’d honestly never realized why Takuya even attended meetings until that very moment.

 

“I just attend because of Takuya, but these guys are pretty cool so it’s a good use of my Wednesday evening. Kazuki, by the way,” Kazuki said with a grin and a quick wave hello. 

 

“Uhm, well, I’m Rin. Also a third year like almost everyone else here. Been coming here since my first year. I’m the student representative, I guess. I do a lot of the side work for Amakata-sens-“

 

“You’re the boy from the TV!” the redhead gasped, sitting up straight, finally realizing why he recognized Rin.

 

“Uh… yeah…” Rin swallowed hard, nodding awkwardly, eyes instinctively flitting downwards.

 

“Wooooah. Is that why you come here!?”

 

“Obviously...” Rin grunted irritably, hand slipping to rub the back of his neck.

 

“Ahhhh, sorry! That was so rude, nii-chan’d kick my butt if he realized I did that! You’re not going to tell him, right?” the redhead asked, fingers tugging on his own hair in nervousness.

 

“Ah, no, it’s… it’s whatever. Everyone recognizes me, I’m used to it. Given everyone usually just stares rather than points it out to my face but, you know, no big deal. And…I don’t know him to tell him?”

 

Instinctively Haruka settled his hand on Rin’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, scowling at the new guy for good measure.

 

“Haru. This is my final year,” he said curtly.

 

An awkward silence settled in briefly as Haruka decided not to elaborate, until thankfully Aki seamlessly slid in to fill the void. “And I’m Aki! I just graduated, but I still come by to harass these jerks. I got mugged over a year ago so I started to come because of that.”

 

“Ooooh, okay…”

 

“Anyways, awkward question, but by any chance is that brother you’re talking about a swimmer? Doesn’t go here, though…”

 

“Yes! He’s on the national swim team! Nii-chan’s so popular with girls it’s not faaaaair…” he whined, sinking into his seat dramatically, long legs sprawling out.

 

“Uh, he’s not really popular with me. I just met him at qualifiers for Worlds. Nice guy, though. You guys have real distinct hair and eyes, kind of like Rin and Gou.”

 

“Gou?”

 

“Rin’s sister.”

 

“…You have a sister?” The boy looked up hopefully.

 

“She’s in Kyoto. And don’t even think about it.”

 

“Maybe you should worry about him staring at you first…” Haruka grumbled under his breath, earning a confused stare from Rin.

 

“What?”

 

“Nevermind…”

 

“So, do you have a name?” Aki implored, waiting for the kid to sit up and stop his dramatics.

 

“Huh? Me? I’m Mik- oh wait, just our first names! I’m Momotarou! Or Momo. Everyone calls me Momo. We say our years, too, right? I’m a second year! I wasn’t really planning on going to therapy or whatever this is but nii-chan started going and he told me it was helping him a lot and it would help me too and that I should try, soooo here I am! That’s okay, right?”

 

“Yeah, of course. Anyone in need is welcome,” Rin said quietly.

 

“So I gotta ask,” Aki started, glancing over at Momotarou, “how tall _are_ you? Because I thought your brotherly was pretty beastly tall but this is like… wow.”

 

“191! Nii-chan was SO mad when I got a growth spurt in highschool and ended up taller than him! He’s 188 and SO bitter about those three centimeters. He said little brothers aren’t supposed to be taller than their big brothers,” Momotarou grinned.

 

“Jeez, you have over 30 centimeters on me…” Aki gawked.

 

“So Rin, what were you trying to say earlier?” Takuya asked, attempting to refocus the conversation.

 

“Oh! Yeah, Worlds. I was just wondering if maybe everyone might want to come over for the final day of competition and watch it together. Though I’m not sure if we can fit everyone in our apartment… It’s just that the last day is when both the men’s and women’s individual and team medley finals are, so I thought it’d be fun to watch as a group. We've got so many swimmers here, except Chigusa and Momo I gue-“

 

“I swam too, just like nii-chan! I quit in highschool but they used to call me ‘The Sea of Japan’s Sea Otter’ because I was so good at backstroke. I won all sorts of championships in middle school, everyone knew who I was!”

 

“Then why did you quit?” Rin frowned.

 

“Ehhh, girls don’t like guys on the swim team.”

 

“So basically you weren’t that good,” Rin snorted.

 

“Was too!”

 

“People who are that good don’t quit unless they have a real reason.”

 

“Cute girls _are_ a real reason!”

 

“No they a-“

 

“Rin, stop picking on the new guy,” Aki laughed, waving a dismissive hand.

 

“Wow, I really am the only non-swimmer here then, aren’t I? I mean I can’t even swim at all…” Chigusa mumbled idly.

 

“You can’t swim!?” Aki gasped. “I just assumed…”

 

“Well I just never really had to learn. I somehow missed it during elementary school, so…”

 

“We’re totally teaching you,” Takuya nodded.

 

“Wait no I’m okay! You guys really don’t need to waste your time.”

 

“It’s not a waste of time! Really, you need to know, what if something happened?” Kazuki added.

 

“Yeah seriously! Go buy a swimsuit tonight if you don’t have one, Chigusa, because you’re learning how to swim next week!”

 

“Oh no…” Chigusa sighed, glancing down at her skirt, idly picking at a nondescript pull in the corner of the fabric.

 

“Makoto and I’ll come over,” Haruka said quietly, glancing over at Rin, attempting to redirect the wayward conversation once again.

 

“Really? Are you allowed to volunteer Makoto without asking him?”

 

“Mm, you do it all the time with Sousuke.”

 

“…Yeah true.”

 

“I can probably come, Rin-senpai! If that’s alright.”

 

“Yeah, of course, Ai. I wouldn’t ask everyone if it wasn’t. I know it’s still a ways off, though, just figured I’d ask now and see if anyone’s even interested.”

 

“I… might. I don’t know. I’m still so pissed. I was _so close_ to qualifying! I missed the qualifying time by .07 seconds. I should be in Barcelona in July and… and I’m not. But then at the same time I’m so happy for my friends that made it and I _have_ to cheer them on,” Aki sighed.

 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, Aki. But remember, Worlds is every two years and you’re still young. Plus we’re only three years away from Rio. You still have plenty of chances. You’re _going_ to make it. You’re too good not to.”

 

“Ugh, yeah. Thanks Rin, you’re right. You really _are_ a team mom, aren’t you?”

 

“Oi, you try to be nice…” Rin grumbled irritably, earning a gentle pat on the shoulder from Haruka.

 

The remainder of the meeting passed by in a flash, and an hour later Haruka and Rin found themselves slipping into Haruka’s apartment, removing their sneakers in the genkan, Rin immediately heading into the kitchenette to grab himself a cola and Haruka a bottle of water from the fridge, Haruka heading to the shelf containing all his English notes, pulling out the stack of notes and books before moving to spread them out over the kotatsu.

 

“So what are you guys covering next?” Rin asked, walking back into the living area, handing Haruka his bottle of water before taking a seat across from him at the kotatsu.

 

“Mmm, shopping and directions,” Haruka sighed, giving his textbook a loathing look before taking the water bottle, watching Rin sit down, mumbling out a quick thanks.

 

“Oh, that doesn’t sound too bad.”

 

“I don’t like shopping to begin with…”

 

“ _Yes you do, you filthy liar. You could spend hours shopping for the perfect jammers.”_

“Don’t just switch to English on me…” Haruka huffed, frowning at Rin as he opened up his bottle of water, taking a swig.

 

“Oh come on, how else are you supposed to learn? Trial by fire, Haru.”

 

“Maybe that works for you. I need to know what to expect.”

 

“Mm, life’s more fun when it’s unpredictable, Haru.” Rin sat silently for a moment, taking a sip from his cola, glancing around the apartment distractedly before returning his attention to Haruka. “Is that why you didn’t seem to like Momo much?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Today at the meeting.”

 

“You didn’t exactly seem happy to meet him, either.”

 

“Well it’s not like he was staring at your scars, I at least had a reason. And he didn’t seem bad, really, just… young. And huge. And completely lacking in self-control. Kind of like a giant dog.”

 

“I told you he wasn’t staring at your scars…” Haruka huffed, distracting himself with his drink once more.

 

“Where else would he have been staring, Haru?”

 

Haruka sighed, eyes rolling. “You’re so dense.”

 

“Dense? How the hell am I dense?”

 

“He was staring down your shirt, idiot.”

  
“He was staring down my- no he wasn’t. Why would he be looking down my shirt?” Rin reached down, grabbing the bend of the v-neck of his t-shirt, pulling it away from his body and staring at his own chest. “I’m pretty sure you can’t see any of my other scars, even looking down my shirt…”

 

“He was staring at your chest itself, not at- ugh, nevermind. Does Sousuke know you invited everyone over to your apartment?”

 

“I still don’t get it…” Rin grumbled under his breath, releasing the hold on his shirt, taking a swig of his drink before glancing back at Haruka. “Uh, not… quite. I mean, I mentioned it once a while ago and he seemed indifferent. I can’t imagine he’ll care, though. I mean he knows everyone, not like I’m bringing strangers into our apartment. And we always watch swimming competitions together, so it’s not like we’d be doing something we weren’t going to be doing anyways.”

 

“Mmm, you really do love swimming, don’t you?” Haruka mused quietly.

 

“Well yeah. Obviously. Once upon a time I was going to try to make a career out of it,” Rin shrugged, glancing over at the kitchenette. “Did you get the salmon like I asked?”

 

“Yeah, it’s in the fridge.”

 

“Teriyaki salmon and rice good with you, then?” Rin asked, moving to rise to his feet.

 

Haruka nodded silently, watching Rin turn and begin walking towards the kitchenette. “Rin, wait.”

 

“Hm?” Rin asked, pausing and turning to look back at Haruka.

 

“I know what I want.”

 

“…You _just_ said teriyaki salmon was okay,” Rin grumbled irritably. “I’m not a short-order cook, y’know.”

 

“I mean for our bet.”

 

“What be- oh. Oh! Jeez, I totally forgot. What do you want?”

 

“Swim with me.”

 

“…What?”

 

“I want you to swim with me.”

 

Rin snorted dismissively, turning around and heading into the kitchenette. “I said something within reason, Haru.”

 

Haruka frowned, watching Rin slip into the dolphin apron, tying the strings behind his back before pausing to pull his hair back with a thin tie. “What’s not within reason about that? You said anything, Rin. My coach’s let me stay late at the pool before, I’m sure if I asked he’d be fine with it. It’d just be us, no one else would see you.”

 

“Where’s your mirin?” Rin asked, opening Haruka’s fridge and glancing through its content.

 

“Rin.”

 

“Oh, nevermind, right here.”

 

“Rin.”

 

“Mmm, this is good salmon…” Rin mumbled as he pulled the fresh salmon filets from the fridge, setting them on the countertop.  

 

“ _Rin_.” Haruka snapped, rising to his feet and walking into the kitchenette to stare expectantly at Rin.

 

“Pick something else,” Rin said curtly, eyes refusing to meet Haruka’s, instead focusing on mixing together some homemade teriyaki sauce.

 

“I don’t want something else,” Haruka responded evenly, reaching out without thinking, grabbing a hold of Rin’s hand that was distractedly whisking together the marinade.

 

Immediately Rin scowled, turning to meet blue with severe red. “Well we don’t always get what we want, Haru,” Rin growled brusquely, using his free hand to grab a hold of Haruka’s, yanking it off his wrist before resuming whisking.

 

“Why won’t you swim with me, Rin?” Haruka demanded quietly, voice low and unwavering, hands dropping to his sides, fists clenched slightly. He knew he was pushing it, that he should be the bigger man, should drop what was clearly a big issue for Rin. But he didn’t _want_ to. They’d known one another for almost a year now, and in that time he’d begun to consider them friends, _good_ friends, maybe one day _more than friends_ if things went well enough.

 

He’d covered all his bases before even bothering to ask. He knew Rin could swim. He knew he didn’t hate pools for some reason. That he loved the ocean and didn’t mind swimming in it. He was physically sound, and while he’d understandably be rusty, as far as Haruka could tell he seemed okay on that front as well. And if Rin was embarrassed by his scars, well, he’d covered that base too, had made sure that they’d be able to swim in private, after practice, with no one else around to stare. Was Rin afraid of being judged by _him_? Haruka had made a point of making it _very_ clear that absolutely nothing about Rin, especially his scars, disgusted him, and he’d like to believe Rin thought better of him than that.

 

All he wanted was to experience the water with Rin.

 

“It’s none of your business, Haru,” Rin finally replied, voice even and careful and dangerously precarious.

 

“You’re the one who made the bet in the first place, it _is_ my business why you’re not keeping your end of the bargain.” Haruka could tell he was pushing Rin to a breaking point, could _feel_ the sharp edges in Rin’s voice and movements, but he didn’t want to back down. He wasn’t going to ask Rin to tell him about what happened in Australia, he wasn’t going to pressure Rin into talking about his history or his feelings, but Haruka couldn’t come up with a single rational reason as to why Rin was refusing this. It was just a swimming pool. They’d be alone. _He’d always loved swimming_.

 

“Fuck, fine. You want to know why I don’t want to swim with you?” Rin growled, yanking off the dolphin apron, shoving it into Haruka’s chest until he took it in hand.

 

Haruka watched, eyes beginning to slowly widen, as Rin undid the button on his jeans, roughly dragging the zipper down before wiggling the thick fabric down jutting hips. Haruka couldn’t help but stare blatantly at dark red boxer-briefs as the jeans were dragged down deliciously toned thighs, and he had to swallow hard to force back his own roving imagination.

 

His dreams had gotten at least one thing right, apparently.

 

As the fabric slid lower, however, down around Rin’s knees and eventually pooling around his ankles, Haruka immediately regretted ever having demanded answers.

 

“You happy? I don’t want to swim with you, Haru, because I _can’t_. I can’t change in a locker room, I can’t swim in a pool, I-I can’t even visit a fucking onsen anymore. It’s like, it’s like taking away four years of my life wasn’t enough, the scars weren’t enough, the abuse wasn’t enough, he had to make sure that I, that I couldn’t even look at myself in a mirror without knowing who I belong to… He even took _swimming_ away from me, Haru...” For a moment Rin just stood there in silence, face scrunching up, eyes staring up at the ceiling as he tried to choke back the tears pooling in his eyes.

 

“Rin…”

 

For a few moments they stood in awkward silence together, Rin struggling to choke back his tears, to maintain some sense of composure while standing in Haruka’s kitchenette with his pants down.

 

“Is it his name?” Haruka asked quietly, eyes glued on the pieces of black lettering scrawled over Rin’s inner thigh.

 

“Y-Yeah…” Rin sniffled out, finally looking down at his own thigh, at the large tattoo marring pale, scar-spattered flesh, tears dripping from his eyes as he swallowed hard. Quietly he stepped out of his jeans, gathering them up in his hands before disappearing from the kitchenette.

 

“Rin, I’m sorry!” Haruka immediately called after him, panic setting in. He couldn’t let Rin leave, not after he’d fucked up so bad and asked so many stupid questions and what the hell was _wrong_ with him? Why couldn’t he just stop being so damned curious about everything related to Rin? He’d be lucky if Rin’d ever talk to him again at this rate.

 

Immediately he followed after Rin, intending to stop him at the doorway, to make him listen to Haruka’s apologies as many times as it took for them to stick. “Rin, don-“

 

He froze when he realized that Rin had made his way over to the closet, not the front door, watching in surprise as Rin pulled out the pair of Haruka’s lounge pants that had somehow become his own over the last six weeks, dragging them on before folding up his jeans. “Don’t what?” he asked once he was changed, turning back to eye Haruka in confusion, eyes still red and wet and swollen, but no longer dripping with tears.

 

“I… I thought you were going to leave,” Haruka explained awkwardly, immediately feeling stupid as Rin walked back over to him, taking the apron from his hands before slipping it back on.

 

“I promised I’d cook for you,” Rin shrugged quietly, giving his eyes a quick rub with the back of his wrist before stepping around Haruka and heading back into the kitchenette. “Just figured I’d change into something more comfortable since I already had my pants off, y’know? Can’t believe you got my pants off so fast, Haru,” he joked awkwardly.

 

“I’m so-“

 

“Don’t, Haru. Just… come up with something else, okay?”

 

Haruka nodded numbly, standing awkwardly in his living space, watching Rin through the entryway of the kitchenette. “Do you need help?” he asked quietly, tongue darting nervously over his lower lip, still attempting to read the mood.

 

“Nah, I’m good, doesn’t count as me cooking for you if you help me. Why don’t we practice your English while I work?”

 

“S-sure,” Haruka nodded carefully, retreating to go grab his English book from the kotatsu.

 

It was a surprise when Rin dropped the issue, when he opted to stay, to make dinner and spend the evening studying together as always. The rest of the evening passed like normal, as if Rin hadn’t just bared himself, as if Haruka hadn’t pushed both Rin _and_ their relationship way too far.

 

When they went to bed, Rin still didn’t say anything. The futon hadn’t been dragged out since that first night, so Rin silently crawled into bed alongside Haruka like always, clutching his pillow tight to his chest, room illuminated by nothing more than the nightlight Haruka had placed in the bathroom. It still didn’t feel right, the entire situation, but Haruka couldn’t demand Rin talk, couldn’t demand anything of him after earlier, so instead they fell asleep together, just like they’d done the previous six Wednesdays.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Mentions of branding, brief mention of child abuse and alcoholism
> 
> Note on the tattoo thing: I'm not sure if it's considered common knowledge or not, but for anyone who's unaware, Japan has a fairly strict anti-tattoo culture (though I believe it's slowly changing). People with tattoos, especially those too large to cover up, are usually not allowed inside public onsens, to swim at public pools, visit particular resorts or even attend certain gyms. So while the branding itself is awful enough, there's an extra layer there for Rin. I'm sure there are workarounds, of course, but the shame isn't going to go away any time soon. 
> 
> Heads up as well! Next chapter is a biggie, and it's definitely a bit triggery. I'll post a reminder in the notes when I post the chapter, but I figured I'd also let people know in advance as well!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this fic is probably not the best uh, birthday present to give Haru, but I wasn't able to get anything done on time and I wanted to at least give SOME update to celebrate my son's birthday, so here we are! 
> 
> As I warned last chapter, this is one of the trigger-heavy chapters. Like always, I've tagged all triggers at the end of the chapter, so please scroll down if you're wary of anything. I'll also add a (very brief) synopsis of the chapter at the end, since it's a really important one, but I don't want anyone reading something that might upset them. Anyways, thanks and enjoy!

 

_He’s absolutely terrified the moment his eyes open._

_He recognizes it, of course. Recognizes his home of four years, his tiny little hole in the ground, his concrete cave. It’s warm and it’s damp and it smells, reeks of overgrown mold, of a pipe leak that’s been pooling up stagnant water for the better part of three months._

_Can’t call a plumber when you’re keeping a child in your basement, after all._

_He can hear the muffled sound of voices above him, knows that it won’t just be them tonight, the bile rising in his throat as he chokes down his own fear. He can’t escape, of course, can feel the heavy collar hanging loose from his neck, shackles keeping him in place, preventing him from fleeing even as his flight or fight response screeches for him to run._

_Nervously, his trembling fingers sift through his hair, still damp from the bath he’d been given not long ago._

_The basement door’s open and he can hear them as they wander closer, sharing some beers he’s sure, chatting away like there’s not some kid cowering in fear beneath them._

_“You remembered to feed him this time, right?”_

_“Yeah, yeah...”_

_“Because the mood got killed last time when he passed out during everything.”_

_“I said yeah. Gave ‘im a protein shake an hour ago, he’ll be fine.”_

_“A shake? Do you ever feed him solids?”_

_“Why do you care? You suddenly become a doctor or something?”_

_“No, but kid has to eat something.”_

_“He gets bread and shit. Fruit when it gets overripe or whatever. I feed him.”_

_“So scraps, basically?”_

_“Look, you want to do this or not? I don’t gotta share, y’know.”_

_“I share mine.”_

_“Whatever.”_

_Rin can tell by the voice which friend it is, and he’s immediately squirming and huddling deeper into the wall, dragging the dirty sheets of his cot up to his chin, wishing he could just disappear into the concrete walls._

_This is one of the ‘nice’ ones. The ones that feigns kindness, that pretend to give a shit, that thinks by acting like they’re a decent human being it’ll absolve them of the fact they meet up at a friend’s house to fuck kidnapped little boys._

_If you’re sweet on a kid, it makes it okay to shove your dick down their throat till they choke, right?_

_The ‘nicest’ ones are always, coincidentally, the roughest ones, and Rin knows better than to expect any sympathy tonight._

_The lump starts forming in his throat almost immediately, as fear claws at his belly and his skinny arms and legs begin to tremble. He lets his cheek thump against the concrete of the basement’s cinderblock siding, knobby knees clacking together as he huddles into the wall. He wants to disappear, he wants to_ die _, because he can hear movement above him and the talking has stopped, which means time’s up and his nightmares are about to become reality as the tears burn desperately at his cheeks and eyes._

_His breath heaves and rattles as he tries to mentally will the demons away, but no amount of silent prayers can stop the sound of heavy footsteps as they work down the narrow stairwell leading into the basement._

_The door slides shut with an unoiled squeak, and as they make their way down, he can tell by the creaks which stairs they’re on._

_Five stairs away._

_It takes only another brief moment before he can hear the final step onto the concrete of the basement, and he squeezes his eyes shut as he drags the sheets over his head, begging for the nightmare to end._

_But it never ends, because this nightmare is his reality._

_“Hello, Rin.”_

**\--**

“Mm… Rin…?” Haruka mumbled sleepily, blue eyes squinting as he reached out with one hand, groping blindly in the dark of his bedroom. _Something_ had knocked him awake, but it took a moment or so before his sleep-addled mind could register that it was a sharp, violent kick to his shin that had done it.

 

For a brief moment he settled his hand along Rin’s arm, surprised to find Rin’s skin hot and clammy beneath his palm. “Rin?” Haruka repeated in confusion, only to feel that arm suddenly jerk away, the small bed shaking violently with movement.

 

He could hear Rin’s breath coming out in wet, wheezing gasps, lungs heaving desperately for air. At the sound Haruka immediately sat up, suddenly wide awake, brow furrowed in concern. What the hell was going on…?

 

“Rin!?” he repeated once more, eyes blinking as he desperately tried to force his vision to adjust to the darkness. He could see by his outline that Rin was sitting up, trapped in the sheets he’d somehow twisted around himself, still gasping for air. Haruka didn’t think as his hand reached out once more, fingers gently squeezing down on Rin’s shoulder, trying to be both assuring and grounding because, honestly, he had no idea what the hell else to do.

 

And then came the loud crack.

 

“ _Don’t_ touch me! _NEVER_ fucking touch me!”  Rin shrieked before stumbling face-first from the bed, tumbling to the floor in a pile of sweat-drenched, twisted blue sheets.

 

Haruka watched in shock as Rin struggled to his feet, kicking himself free in a disoriented stumble before shakily making his way to the bathroom, steps wobbily and unstable as he disappeared from sight, door slamming shut behind him.

 

For a moment Haruka just sat there, eyes finally adjusting to the darkness, staring at the bathroom door in shock.

 

It took another few seconds before it finally registered in his mind just what exactly the cracking sound had been. He could feel the pain beginning to radiate in his jaw, but he opted to ignore it, instead hauling himself out of the bed and onto his feet before racing towards the bathroom after Rin, heart pounding in his chest as realization finally began to set in.

 

Something was wrong with Rin. _Very_ wrong.

 

He heard the shower turn on before he got there, yanking the door back open, pulse rushing in his ears, the nightlight finally giving him a good look at Rin. “Rin…?” he whispered nervously from the doorway, hands shaking with adrenaline, eyes blown wide as he stared in shock.

 

Rin was on his knees, huddled up in a ball inside the deep tub under the showerhead, hands crossed over the back of his head as his body trembled uncontrollably while he sobbed. “R-Rin?” Haruka choked out, staring for another moment before his feet were moving on their own and he was in that tub alongside Rin, body blocking Rin protectively from the icy cold spray of the water. “Rin, it’s okay…”

 

“D-Don’t touch me…” Rin choked out meekly between sobs, attempting to shove Haruka away, movements weak and disoriented. Haruka paused for a moment when Rin shoved at his chest with a trembling hand, mentally righting himself before taking a quick breath, gently pushing that hand away and instead wrapping both his arms tight around Rin.

 

“Rin…” Haruka soothed as best he could, absolutely clueless on what the hell to do as he listened to the guttural, wretched sound of Rin sobbing before him.

 

What had happened? Yesterday had been awkward, of course, he’d been an absolute _idiot_ , but at the end of the day Rin had seemed alright? What had… what had set Rin off?  Had it been something Haruka had said, or maybe done? Or maybe…

 

Did Rin… did he have nightmares, too?

 

Haruka’d been fighting his own nightmares for almost a year now, and Rin, he’d been dealing with everything for so long... Haruka didn’t even know any details, really. Rin had barely spoken at all about the kidnapping, had only given Haruka the barest of glimpses into the hell he’d lived through.

 

Maybe, at some point, Haruka had begun to compare their situations. With his own nightmares beginning to fade and Rin seemingly so much further along in his recovery, maybe Haruka had assumed that Rin was, well, that he was coping with things better than Haruka.

 

How _stupid_ he’d been.

 

There was absolutely _no_ comparing what they’d been through. Haruka’s fears, his trauma, it was _nothing_ compared to what Rin had endured. How could he possibly have assumed that Rin _didn’t_ come with horrific nightmares and more baggage than Haruka could ever imagine? Rin had been honest about his sleeping issues from the start of their little teaching arrangement. In fact, it was one of the only times he _hadn’t_ danced around addressing things related to his kidnapping.

 

 _Fuck_ he was so selfish.

 

Another hoarse sob had Haruka wincing back into reality, still on his knees and hunched over Rin, protecting him from the cold onslaught of the shower. Haruka honestly had no idea what to say or do. Rin was barely breathing, his chest a ragged mess, tears and mucous choked in his throat and eyes, body shaking uncontrollably as he gagged on his own tears. Rin wasn’t even responding to his name, at least not to the first hundred times Haruka had uttered it over the last few minutes. He’d stopped fighting Haruka, at the very least, but he was shaking uncontrollably and clearly fighting just to breathe, and if Haruka couldn’t come up with an answer fast he’d have to call someone else. Could someone going through a panic attack pass out? He had to do _something_.

  
But what could he…

 

Oh.

 

_Oh._

 

 _“S-Somewhere over the raimbow, w-way too high, th-there is land that I dream of once in the lullaby…”_ Haruka began awkwardly, his own shaky hand rubbing gentle circles along Rin’s upper back, both arms still protectively draped over him.

 

“ _Somewhere over the raimbow, blackbirds soar, and the dreams that you dream of, the dreams really do come true…”_

Haruka paused for a moment, fingers tracing light, soothing circles along Rin’s back, an awkward, embarrassed half-laugh rumbling quietly in his throat. “Ah, s-sorry, my English isn’t very good… I just thought maybe…”

 

“Th-those words’re all wrong,” Rin croaked out, still trembling in Haruka’s arms. “And, and it’s rainbow, not raimbow…”

 

Haruka opened his mouth to apologize once more, but the words immediately disappeared on his lips as Rin’s arms reached out to wrap around Haruka’s waist, fingers clenching into the wet fabric of Haruka’s sleepshirt.

 

Haruka didn’t know what to say, not with Rin’s face buried in his belly, those weak arms clinging to his narrow waist like a lifeline. Unsure of what to do, Haruka continued to gently rub his hand along Rin’s back, soft and reassuring.

 

“Th-thank you, Haru…” Rin finally choked out after another minute or so, voice no more than a shaky whisper, muffled by a mouthful of Haruka’s shirt. “Thank you _so much_ for, for everything you’ve done…”

 

Honestly, Haruka didn’t really think he deserved much thanks, not when he was probably the reason Rin’s nightmares got set off to begin with, but he nodded silently anyways, finally taking one hand off Rin long enough to reach back and turn off the spray of icy water. Once that was done he immediately returned to holding Rin as tight as he could manage, head tilting downwards as he pulled Rin in close, refusing to be anything but a pillar of unwavering support.

 

Rin had done the same for him months ago, had done everything in his power to calm Haruka down when he’d worked himself into a frantic mess and called Rin crying in the middle of the night. He owed this to Rin, really. Owed Rin for everything Rin had done for him this past year, for coming into Haruka’s life and changing it _so much_ for the better.

 

Not that he needed some sense of duty to do this for Rin, though.

 

He _wanted_ to be there for Rin. No matter what. Through his highest of highs and his lowest of lows, because even at his worst Rin was the most beautiful disaster Haruka’d ever seen in his life.

 

Haruka sat in silence for another minute or so, the only sound in the bathroom coming from the water dripping from their hair and clothing. It took another moment for Rin to finally sit up, gently leaning back on his knees as Haruka leaned back as well, giving him the space he needed to sit upright.

 

Once Rin was sitting up straight, Haruka found himself squinting a bit in the dim of the bathroom, trying to get a good view of Rin’s face, to make sure he was alright.

 

Rin’s face was (understandably) a mess, eyes swollen and wet and wide, nose red and dripping mucous, still breathing heavily as he struggled to get his emotions back under control.

 

“Are you alright, Rin…?” Haruka asked quietly, voice heavy with worry, his hand instinctively moving to settle on Rin’s shoulder once more, trying to reassure him as Rin struggled to regain control of his breathing.

 

The absolute last thing Haruka was expecting was for a pair of cold, wet, trembling hands to suddenly settle on either side of his face, cold thumbs brushing shakily along the curve of his cheeks as Rin stared at Haruka with swollen reds.

 

Haruka most _definitely_ wasn’t expecting it when Rin leaned in, and suddenly there was a pair of soft, _ridiculously soft_ , lips, cold and nervous, pressed up against his own.

 

“R-Rin…?” he choked out in surprise against that lovely mouth, blue eyes blown wide because _was Rin seriously kissing him right now_? After all that? It was one thing in his dreams, his wonderfully dirty dreams but… but he definitely wasn’t dreaming right now. Rin was _definitely_ kissing him.

 

Holy _shit_.

  _Rin_ was kissing _him_.

 

Suddenly Rin was yanking away once more, his breath starting to heave again, eyes wide in absolute horror. “Oh god Haru, fuck, shit, I can’t… I’m _so sorry_ I can’t believe I just did that, fuuuuck, you were just being nice and I… I turned it into something it’s not and fuck, please do-“

 

Haruka acted before thinking, palms settling on Rin’s cheeks before gently pressing their lips back together. He kept the kiss as languid and unforceful as possible (though, admittedly, it was only his second-ever kiss, and the first had occurred all of ten seconds before, so he had legitimately no clue what the hell he was doing), doing his best to silently reassure Rin that his impromptu kiss had been absolutely welcomed.

 

“Haru…?” Rin sighed out breathily against Haruka’s lips, a clear mix of surprise and confusion playing across his face as he gently leaned back, Haruka’s hands still resting on either of his cheeks.

 

“You taste like snot and tears…” Haruka mumbled awkwardly, not entirely sure what else he was supposed to say as one of his thumbs idly brushed along Rin’s damp cheek.

 

“O-oi!” Rin scowled as best he could through the laughter bubbling up in his throat, the back of his palm moving to rub at his nose in a pathetic attempt to clean himself up. “Jerk…”  

 

Gently Haruka removed his hands from Rin’s face, leaning back slightly in the tub, blue eyes watching Rin as Rin’s gaze drifted downwards.

 

“I’m sorry I drowned Loosey-kun…” Rin mumbled, idly tugging at his drenched t-shirt.

 

“… Loosey-kun’s a fish, he can’t drown.”

 

Rin stared for a moment before laughing, nodding along in amusement. “Fair enough.”

 

“Mm, I’ll go grab us both some dry clothes,” Haruka said, carefully climbing to his feet, taking a moment to step out of his sleep pants and remove his clingy, drenched t-shirt before climbing out of the tub. He moved to dump his clothing into the sink before disappearing from the bathroom, turning on his apartment light before heading to his closet. Once out of his soaked underwear and into a new, clean set of clothing, he tugged on a hoodie before grabbing a complete outfit for Rin as well.

 

He returned to the bathroom a few minutes later with an armful of warm clothing, giving Rin a quick once-over before tugging the bathing stool out from under the sink, setting the clothes on top of it. “I’m going to go make some tea while you get changed,” Haruka explained carefully, trying to politely ignore the fact that Rin looked like a miserable, drowned rat huddled inside the tub, shivering.

 

“You don’t have to make m-“

 

“My coach’ll kick my ass if I get sick, right?”

 

“Oi, how can you remember _everything_ I’ve ever said to you, I swear…”

 

Haruka smiled lightly at Rin before shrugging, disappearing from the bathroom, mindful to close the door behind him and give Rin some privacy while changing.

 

Once in the kitchenette he began brewing some tea, arms crossed over his chest as he tried to warm up, mind still all over the place as he waited for the water to heat up.

 

Rin had kissed him. He… had kissed Rin.

 

They had both kissed one another. It was… it was a thing that they both had done.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

Honestly, Haruka had no freakin’ clue what it all meant. Kissing didn’t mean you were dating someone, right? It wasn’t to say that he didn’t _want_ to date Rin, because dear god he _did_ , but… Rin had been emotional. Irrational. Coming down from the awful high of a panic attack. His actions hadn’t really meant anything… right?

 

“Uhm, thanks for the clothes. I left the wet ones in the sink with yours…”

 

Haruka glanced up at the sound of Rin’s voice, nodding softly before moving to pour them each a cup of tea. “Here,” he offered, holding out a cup to Rin as Rin wandered closer, gently taking the drink with a slight wince.

 

“Rin…?” Haruka asked with a frown, taking his own cup, blowing on the surface before taking a light sip.

 

“I’m fine. I just… I landed wrong, I guess. When I fell out of bed. My wrist’s a bit sore.”

 

“Mmm, let me see it.”

 

“Really, it’s fine Haru.”

 

“Come on, Rin,” Haruka sighed, setting down his drink on the countertop before reaching out both hands expectantly. With a groan Rin shifted his cup into one hand, offering out his left to Haruka.

 

“Mmm, it’s a bit swollen,” Haruka noted idly, gently shifting Rin’s hand around. “That hurt?”

 

“Well, yeah, I busted up my wrist and you’re moving it around,” Rin grunted irritably. “I can move it just fine, though. It’s not broken, no big deal.”

 

“Mm, could be a mild sprain.”

 

“How would you even know? You’re not a doctor, last I checked.”

 

“Mmm, I’ve helped Makoto patch up the twins time and time again,” Haruka shrugged. “Let me get something to wrap it with. Keep you from moving it around too much.”

 

“Oi, Haru, you don’t have to-“

 

“I _want_ to, Rin.”

 

Rin sighed, finally giving Haruka a quick nod before returning to sipping at his cup of tea. Haruka immediately moved to grab his first aid kit, opening it up on the small countertop and pulling out a bandage roll along with a bottle of NSAIDs. “Alright, give me your hand.”

 

Rin sighed again before reluctantly holding out his left hand, setting down his cup of tea and watching as Haruka began to slowly wrap the bandaging around his wrist and hand.

 

“…Did something happen to your face, Haru?” Rin asked after a moment, frowning, his eyes still focused on Haruka.

 

“Mm?” Haruka mumbled, finishing off the bandage and moving to clip it into place.

 

“Your jaw is swollen.”

 

“Oh. It’s nothing,” Haruka shrugged, testing the fit of the bandage with a nod before turning his attention back to the pills.

 

“But it wasn’t swollen bef- oh _god_.”

 

“Rin, I’m fine, it’s nothing. It doesn’t even hurt.” Okay, so that was very much a lie, it _was_ starting to throb a bit now that Haruka was no longer running off of pure adrenaline, but it honestly wasn’t _that_ bad. Certainly nothing to worry Rin over.

 

“Haru, I fucking _hit you_. How in the hell is that nothing!?”

 

“It’s nothing because you don’t even remember doing it, Rin.”

 

“That doesn’t excuse-“

 

“Yes, it _does._ You thought you were still dreaming, Rin. You didn’t… you didn’t know it was me. You were having a panic attack and I grabbed you and you, well, panicked.”

 

“But I _hurt you_.”

 

“But _I’m fine_. I’ve accidentally clocked Makoto in the kitchen before. I didn’t realize he was right behind me and I wanted him to taste test something and I turned too quick and I elbowed him right in the jaw. It was an accident. He’s accidentally hit me more times than I can count, too,” Haruka sighed, shaking his head slightly as he popped open the pill bottle, pulling out four pills before moving to grab one of the bottles of water from the fridge. “He’s really clumsy…” Haruka elaborated with a shrug, unscrewing the lid of the water, handing Rin two of the pills first, followed by the water.

 

“But I…” Rin starting, stopping only when he was handed the pills, followed by the water. “I can’t be trusted, Haru…” Rin finished with a sigh as he took the pills, watching as Haruka took the bottle of water back, popping two pills of his own.

 

“We should dry your hair,” Haruka mumbled idly, opting to purposefully ignore Rin’s self-deprecation. He could tell Rin it wasn’t his fault till he was blue in the face, but what Rin needed was time to realize that he wasn’t to blame, that sometimes things just happened.

 

“Your hair’s wet too, you know,” Rin pointed out with a sigh, reaching to grab his tea and take another sip.

 

“Then we’ll dry both our hair.”

 

“You really should get back to sleep, Haru. You have training in the morning…”

 

“Mm, can’t sleep with wet hair,” Haruka shrugged, reaching out to take Rin’s cup of tea, setting it down on the countertop before taking Rin’s right hand in his own. “Come on.”

 

“O-Oi!” Rin grunted as he was gently tugged back towards the bathroom.

 

“Sit,” Haruka ordered once they were both in the bathroom, using his free hand to point expectantly at the bathroom stool.

 

“You’re _really_ going to blowdry my hair, aren’t you?”

 

“Mm, not like you can, you only have one working hand at the moment.”

 

“Ugh, fiiiine,” Rin sighed, falling into the stool with a grunt of disapproval. Smiling softly Haruka reached for the hairdryer he had hanging along the side of the sink along with a brush, quickly plugging it in before turning it on and taking a seat on the ledge of the tub behind Rin.

 

“If it gets too hot, I can lower the heat,” Haruka mumbled softly, giving Rin’s hair a gentle brush through before beginning the slow process of carefully drying off Rin’s hair, piece by piece.

 

Honestly, he’d always wanted an excuse to touch Rin’s hair. He’d done it once before, months ago, had been impressed by how smooth and silky the fiery locks were. Rin’s hair was beautiful (as was the rest of him), and it was almost disappointing how Rin felt the need to constantly hide it under hats.

 

For the next few minutes they sat in silence together, Haruka content to slowly dry Rin’s hair while Rin idly tapped his toes along the floor tile.

 

“I… I’m sorry I freaked out on you, Haru,” Rin finally said after another minute or so, feet still tapping nervously, attention on the ground. “I don’t… I don’t get them as much, now. The nightmares, I mean. They used to be constant for the first year or so, but over the years it’s gotten more bearable.”

 

“Mm, it’s okay, Rin. I understand,” Haruka said quietly, carefully sectioning off another piece of Rin’s hair so he could gently blowdry it.

 

“Ah, yeah. You… you have them too, right?”

 

“Sometimes. Not as much, now. Was almost nightly at first, though,” Haruka elaborated quietly, gaze steady on Rin’s hair, refusing to let himself become distracted by his own thoughts.

 

“That’s good. That they’re less frequent, now…” Rin mumbled thoughtfully, idly reaching out with his good hand, giving Haruka’s leg an awkward, reassuring squeeze.

 

“Four days,” Haruka finally mumbled after another few moments of silence.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Four days and it’ll be one year.”

 

“…What?” Rin asked, jerking his head back to catch a glimpse of Haruka, accidentally knocking away the brush.

 

“It’ll be one year since it happened.”

 

“Fuck, I didn’t realize… I didn’t realize that you aren’t even a year into your recovery.”

 

“Mm, how could you know? It’s not like I told you anything.”

 

“Y-Yeah, but still. The first year it’s… it’s the worst,” Rin sighed, fingers idling uncomfortably over the bandage on his wrist, attention drifting forward once more while his head tilted to the side, resting gently along Haruka’s leg.

 

“It’s not a big deal, really. It’s gotten a lot easier.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. Meeting you helped a lot.”

 

“I…” Rin began, only to trail off into silence.

 

“It was really bad the first month. I was so horrible to Makoto,” Haruka mumbled, doing his best to continue drying Rin’s hair now that Rin had tilted his head to the side. “He’s the one that convinced me to get help. I owe him a lot…”

 

“Makoto’s a really, really good person…” Rin mumbled quietly against Haruka’s leg.

 

“Yeah, he is,” Haruka agreed. “Mmm, switch your head to my other leg so I can finish your hair,” Haruka ordered lightly, surprised when Rin stiffened but actually obeyed, shifting to let his head rest on Haruka’s other leg, freeing up the other half of his hair.

 

“Do you… want to do something, maybe? Or just be alone…”

 

“Hm…?”

 

“On the anniversary of… yeah. Of whatever happened to you. I just, I always have a really hard time being alone on anniversaries. Like… bad anniversaries. The day my dad died, the day I-I went missing. I mean I know they’re just days, that they don’t really stand for anything because I’m happy where I am now, I think, but... but it still helps to not feel alone. To not let myself linger.” Rin paused for a moment before sighing awkwardly into Haruka’s leg. “Oiii, sorry, I’m not really good at this.”

 

“Mm, what kind of something?” Haruka mused lightly, finishing drying off Rin’s hair, opting to start working on drying his own, not wanting to move Rin off him.

 

“Er, well, I don’t know. A movie? Could go to the park or something. Beach, maybe? I don’t know, I’m sure we can come up with something.”

 

“I think… I think I’d like that.”

 

“Alright, good. Then it’s a date.”

 

Haruka froze at Rin’s words, staring down at the top of Rin’s head in surprise.

 

A date. Had Rin meant a _date_ date, or just… a friend date…? “Y-Yeah…” Haruka wheezed out in agreeance, still working the blowdryer through his hair. It took him another ten minutes or so to finish drying his own hair, attention drifting down to Rin, frowning slightly. “Rin?” he asked quietly, getting no immediate response.

 

Carefully he hung the blowdryer back up, slipping the brush back onto the sink, fingers moving to gently settle in Rin’s hair, brushing it back to catch a glimpse of Rin’s face.

 

Yup, definitely asleep.

 

Haruka was almost embarrassed by the giddiness that bubbled up in his chest at the revelation. Rin was sound asleep, using Haruka’s knee as a pillow. “Rin,” Haruka repeated, still idly stroking Rin’s hair.

 

“Mm?” Rin groaned in confusion, finally shifting in his seat.

 

“We should get back to bed.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Our hair’s dry and it’s 3 in the morning. We can still get a few more hours of sleep…”

 

“O-Oh, yeah. Mmkay,” Rin mumbled against Haruka’s knee, taking another moment or two before he managed to shake himself awake enough to struggle to his feet. Haruka rose to join him, mindful of Rin’s slight stumble as he tried to step out of the bathroom. Haruka reached out immediately, catching Rin’s good hand with his own, gently twining his fingers with Rin’s before turning off the lights behind them as he carefully, blindly, led Rin back to the bed.

 

Once he’d gotten Rin settled in he gathered the blankets and sheets up from the floor, climbing into bed and dragging the pile atop the pair of them. By the time he’d spread everything out, Rin had quite obviously fallen right back asleep, huddled between Haruka and the wall.

 

Haruka couldn’t help but smile slightly, shifting to face Rin’s back, idly brushing his hair back once more. “Goodnight, Rin…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Nightmares, child abuse, mentions of sexual acts with a child, mentions of kidnapping, child negligence,  
> (unintentional) physical violence, panic attacks, kissing without consent 
> 
> Synopsis: Italicized start of the chapter is Rin having a nightmare of being back in the basement with his kidnapper. The rest of the chapter takes place in the present, with Haru helping Rin cope with the panic attack from his dreams. 
> 
> A/N: omg 60K WORDS LATER AND THEY FINALLY KISSED. 'Bout damned time, lolol.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy did this take a long time to get out. Got hit hard by the writer's block hammer, but I was FINALLY able to get something cobbled together. Thanks for the patience and I hope you enjoy!

 

 

When Rin and Haruka had woken up the next morning, they’d apparently come to a silent agreement to just… not discuss what had happened between them. It was clear that Rin didn’t want to talk about his nightmares, and Haruka, well, he totally understood that. He hated talking about his own situation as well, so there was no chance in hell he’d pressure Rin to rehash just what had gone down that night in Haruka’s apartment.

 

The only problem with their unspoken agreement, however, was that it meant that _nothing_ from that night seemed to be fair game for discussion.

 

Including those kisses. Those kisses that had included _Haruka’s first kiss ever_.

 

For two days Haruka’s mind was a confused mess as he tried to make sense of exactly what had gone down between himself and Rin. It was both a welcomed distraction from his looming anniversary date and a terrible headache because _what did it all mean_?

 

For the last two hours Haruka’d been fiddling with his phone, playing a mental tug-of-war with himself as he tried to figure out if he should text Rin or not. Should he just ask what was going on between them and get it over with? Then again, did _Rin_ even know, either? It wasn’t uncommon for them to not talk for a day or two, so the silence on Rin’s end wasn’t particularly unusual, but the nervousness and the stress and the confusion was just…

 

Haruka wasn’t sure he could take it much longer.

 

He was on his way back from practice when his phone finally vibrated in his pocket, and he was almost embarrassed at how hastily he fumbled to drag it out, immediately checking his messages.

 

**Yo, Makoto gave me your number. You busy right now?**

****

Haruka stared for a moment at the unknown number, head tilting to the side as he continued slowly walking back towards his apartment. Wh- oh.

 

Sousuke.

 

Somehow he and Sousuke had just never bothered exchanging numbers, opting to communicate through Rin and Makoto rather than ditch the middle man. It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, exactly, or that they were avoiding one another, so much as they just… hadn’t gotten around to it.

 

Glancing up to make sure no one was in front of him while he walked and texted, Haruka slipped open his phone, typing away a quick response as he finally added Sousuke to his contacts.

 

**Haruka: Why?**

 

Another thirty seconds and the phone was vibrating again as Haruka did his best to check the screen and keep walking without tripping over himself. He’d never really been a cell phone user, not until it had become necessary to talk to Rin, and so he couldn’t say he was exactly a master at texting and walking quite yet.

 

**Sousuke: Want to meet for dinner?**

Haruka frowned.

 

**Haruka: Why?**

**Sousuke: Is that the only thing you know how to type? Because I want to talk to you.**

**Haruka: then talk.**

**Sousuke: In person, asshole.**

Haruka couldn’t help but groan, eye rolling as a small twinge of nervousness flicked in his chest. What the hell did Sousuke want with him? They never talked without Rin to medi- oh.

 

Had Rin… had Rin talked to Sousuke about what had happened between them…?

 

**Haruka: Why dinner?**

**Sousuke: Because I’m hungry. Yes or no?**

Oiiii this was annoying. But then again, Sousuke was Rin’s best friend. If Sousuke wanted to talk to him, there was a good, 90% chance that it had to do with Rin.

 

And Haruka had a hard time saying no to things related to Rin.

 

**Haruka: Fine. Where?**

**Sousuke: Let me text you the address.**

Well, this was a bit of a wrench in Haruka’s evening plans, but he supposed there were worse things in life than spending some time with Sousuke. Mostly he was just surprised that Sousuke was out and about without Rin. Not that they were inseparable, of course, but it _was_ pretty uncommon for them to be apart if Haruka wasn’t with Rin in Sousuke’s place.

 

He made a point of going home and dropping off his backpack before heading to the train station, a little surprised when Sousuke had texted him a location that was neither near campus (and in turn Haruka’s apartment), nor near Rin and Sousuke’s place. It took a good 20 minutes to arrive near the restaurant, Haruka quickly realizing he had no idea where he was. It wasn’t that he was bad with directions, really, it was just a part of the city he could barely recall ever going to. It looked _vaguely_ familiar, but that was the best he had.

 

He pulled the map up on his phone, glancing around as he tried to piece together how close he was to the restaurant.

 

And then he saw it.

 

Haruka froze in place, eyes wide, fingers squeezing down on his phone as he stared at the building before him.

 

Fuck.

 

The hotel.

 

_Fuuuuuck_.

 

How had… how had he ended up _here_ of all places? How had he ended up standing across the street from the fucking toxic, awful hellhole that had been the center of his nightmares, the very place that had nearly _destroyed_ him, a year ago. He could see the street corner full of hustling pedestrians, the very spot where he’d huddled up against a street lamp and waited for Makoto to come pick him up at the crack of dawn. How had… shit, had Sousuke somehow _known_?

 

Haruka’s head was jerking to the side immediately, spotting the name of the restaurant he’d been sent the address of, feet moving on autopilot as he half-jogged over to the store, throwing the door open and immediately scanning for Sousuke.

 

He walked past a waitress, giving her a half-assed wave and a point as he made his way to Sousuke, stopping and standing at the end of the table, blue eyes unwavering as he waited for Sousuke to look up. “Why are we here?” he hissed out as soon as Sousuke noticed him, eyes narrowing as both his palms smacked down on the edge of the table.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Why are we _here_? This place isn’t anywhere near your apartment, or mine. Why did you pick _this_ of all places?” Haruka demanded, unable to keep the anger from lacing his words as he tried to figure out exactly what kind of twisted game Sousuke was playing.

 

“Uh, my doctor’s office is across the street? I had to come in for a check-up on my shoulder…” Sousuke said carefully, idly pointing towards the glass-covered front door.

 

Haruka’s eyes immediately shifted to the side, following that finger, quickly realizing that there was, in fact, a doctor’s office right across the street.

 

Dr. Nakamura’s physical therapy and rehabilitation.

 

Oh.

 

“Uh, are you okay, Haru…?” Sousuke asked awkwardly, carefully setting down the menu he’d been boredly scanning.

 

“Yeah,” Haruka responded curtly, doing his best to hide the sudden bout of embarrassment that hit him as he slid into the booth across from Sousuke, silently waiting for Sousuke to explain why he was even there to begin with.

 

“Uh, I’m sorry I made you come out this far, I guess. I didn’t think it was that big a deal. They serve the best tonkatsu here…”

 

“Mm,” Haruka mumbled, grabbing the second menu and flipping it open, doing his best to put the stupid hotel out of his mind as he scanned his food options. “Why am I here, anyways?”

 

“Ah, hello, sirs! Is this the only guest you were waiting for?”

 

Haruka immediately glanced up at the waitress as Sousuke nodded. “Yeah. You ready to order, Haru?” Sousuke asked.

 

Honestly no, Haruka wasn’t ready to order, he’d barely been there more than a minute, but apparently there was seared mackerel on the menu so that was going to just have to do. “Yeah.”

 

“Oh, you’re already ready, good! What can I get for you both?”

 

“Seared mackerel,” Haruka explained curtly, closing the menu and setting it back down on the table. “And a glass of water.”

 

“Tonkatsu and a cola, thanks,” Sousuke said, piling his menu on top of Haruka’s before handing them both to the waitress.

 

“Alright, great, I’ll get those in right away.”

 

The moment she disappeared Sousuke’s eyes were back on Haruka, hands settling behind his neck as he gave Haruka a quick once over. “Rin really _did_ get you good, didn’t he?” Sousuke said in mild amusement, gesturing with one hand to the darkened bruise along Haruka’s jaw.

 

“He told you?”

 

“Yeah, he was pretty embarrassed about it. Also, he was freaking out thinking you hated him or something.”

 

Haruka couldn’t help but sigh. “I told him it was fine…”

 

“Mmm, yeah, I know. I’ve told him the same thing. I’ve lost count of how many times he’s kicked me or punched me in his sleep, honestly,” Sousuke chuckled lightly.

 

“…Really?”

 

“Yeah. He worries too much.”

 

“Mm, he said the same thing about you too, once.”

 

“Psh, there’s a difference. He worries too much about everything; I worry too much about _him_.”

 

It was a fair statement, really, one Haruka couldn’t argue with. _He_ worried about Rin, and honestly, Sousuke’s behavior was beyond justified, given the circumstances. “Where is he, anyways?” Haruka asked quietly. It felt ridiculously weird to be spending time with Sousuke without Rin there, too.

 

“Mm, last time I talked to him he was taking a nap with Howl. Don’t think he’s feeling very well.”

 

“Is he okay?” Haruka asked immediately, concern piqued.

 

“Yeah, just stressed, I’m guessing. So, what’s going on between you and Rin, anyways?”

 

“…What?” Haruka mumbled in surprise, staring blankly at Sousuke.

 

“What’s going on between you and Rin,” Sousuke repeated evenly, arms sliding out from behind his neck as he sat up, leaning against the table a bit, eyes watching Haruka like a hawk.

 

“It’s none of your business.”

 

“Anything that has to do with Rin being upset is my business, Haru,” Sousuke clarified pointedly.

 

“Fine. I don’t know, then,” Haruka shrugged, because honestly he _didn’t_. He hadn’t talked to Rin since they’d separated on campus the morning after Rin’s nightmare, and Sousuke’s guess was as good as his as to what Rin’d been thinking the last few days.

 

“Oiiii, fine. What do you _want_ to be going on between you and Rin, then.”

 

Now _that_ was a different question.

 

One he wasn’t particularly inclined to answer.

 

“We’re… we’re just friends,” Haruka said carefully after a brief pause.

 

“But you want to be more than friends, yeah?”

 

“I _want_ to not be having this conversation with you,” Haruka grumbled irritably, wishing the waitress would appear with his drink for a much needed distraction.

 

“Look, whatever’s been going on between you two has been going on for a while now, alright,” Sousuke sighed, hand running idly through his hair, brushing it back from his face. “At first I figured I’d just let it be, let it just run its course, wait and see how the chips fell or whatever. If I’m being completely honest, I didn’t think there was a chance in hell of you actually sticking around this long…”

 

Haruka couldn’t help but frown irritably, not particularly liking how that sounded. Of _course_ he wanted to stick around. “Rin’s a good person.”

 

“Rin’s a _fantastic_ person. He can be a little shit every now and then, but on the whole I couldn’t ask for a better best friend, and believe me, I _will_ destroy anyone that tries to hurt him again, you included. But that’s not the point. People don’t… shit. People don’t generally just cozy up to Rin. Not like this, not like _you_. Rin’s like… he’s like this walking freak show that everyone wants to get to know because humans are morbid pieces of crap, yanno? People aren’t interested in _him_ , they’re interested in his story, in what he stands for. And honestly, I have no idea what to do now that someone actually seems to be interested in him for who he is.”

 

“Rin’s an adult, you don’t have to do anything.”

 

“You damned well know it’s not that simple.”

 

“So you dragged me out here to ask me that, then.”

 

“Yeah, I did. Don’t act like you wouldn’t be doing the exact same if someone showed up out of nowhere and tried to cozy up to Makoto. And Makoto didn’t spend four years living in some piece of shit’s basement.”

 

“I didn’t show up out of nowhere,” Haruka argued quietly, though he was well aware he was being pedantic. He’d called Sousuke out when he’d first met Makoto just because he _thought_ Sousuke was the one that had made Makoto cry; he really didn’t have any place to talk.

 

“Oi, you know what I mean.”

 

“Uhm, here are your drinks, sirs,” the waitress interrupted awkwardly, moving to slide both glasses in front of each of them. “Is there anything else I can get you while you’re waiting on your meal?”

 

“This is fine, thanks,” Haruka mumbled, immediately going for his water and taking an irritable sip.

 

“Alright, just let me know if you need anything!” she smiled before disappearing once more.

 

They sat in silence for a moment before Sousuke sighed once more, head shaking slightly. “Look, I don’t hate you or anything. Obviously. It’s just that Rin really, _really_ likes you. A lot. Like an obnoxious amount of a lot. You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with listening to him all the time,” Sousuke grumbled, taking a swig of his cola.

 

“…He talks about me?”

 

“Incessantly,” Sousuke groaned. “I just… I just want Rin to be happy, alright? Everything that happened to him, him going missing, four years where we all thought he was dead, dealing with the aftermath of it all and just… ugh. It’s impossible to understand how bad it was when he got back unless you were actually there,” Sousuke said, voice low and uneasy. “I guess what I’m getting at is that Rin deserves the world and if you’re what makes him truly happy, if it’s all because of you, then so be it. But I’m not going to just stand back and let you emotionally wreck him, either. I just wanted to talk to you one-on-one before anything actually happened between you two.”

 

“Rin kissed me,” Haruka blurted out instinctively, immediately wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Why had he responded with _that_?

 

“…He did?”

 

“I… I kissed him back.”

 

“So then… you’re dating already?” Sousuke mused aloud.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“How can you not know?”

 

“Because Rin never told me if we are.”

 

“Wait, is _that_ why he’s been all upset these last few days? Tch, what an embarrassing guy…”

 

“He… wasn’t in a good place. I’m not sure if it even really counts…” Haruka mumbled with a small, helpless little shrug.

 

“Believe me. As the person stuck listening to him go on and on about you? It counts.”

 

For a moment Haruka wasn’t sure what to say, instead taking an idle bite of his mackerel. So Rin… Rin really _did_ talk about him, then? A lot? Like… all the time a lot?

 

“You really should just talk to him, you know,” Sousuke finally said, pausing to take a bite of tonkatsu, chewing slowly before swallowing and continuing. “I’m going to go out on a limb and guess he thinks he has no right to talk to you first, seeing as he _did_ deck you.”

 

“Oi…” Haruka sighed, shaking his head. Rin could certainly be stubborn. And kind of stupid, honestly. He _told_ Rin it was fine.

 

“I know, it’s dumb. But it’s true. Rin… doesn’t think he deserves much, even after everything. Maybe _because_ of everything, I don’t know. I think he has a hard time believing he’s worth anything to anyone...” Sousuke paused for a moment, sitting back in his seat before returning his attention to his meal.

 

“Howl’s his therapy cat, you know? His therapist after he got back, he said that a pet might be good for Rin. One he got to pick out himself, that was just his. So his mom took him and Gou to the shelter, and Rin fell absolutely in love with this scrawny little runt of a kitten. His mom and Gou did, too. They took him home, named him after that Miyazaki film that’d just come out and stuff. Rin obsessively took care of him. But a few years later, when we were about to move to Tokyo together, he tried to get his mom to keep Howl. He didn’t want to, of course, that cat’s his damned baby, but with him and Gou both leaving for university at the same time, he thought his mom deserved Howl more than him. He didn’t even think he deserved to keep his own damn therapy cat.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?”

 

“Because you’re the one he chose, idiot. Because you, more than anyone else, _need_ to know. Rin will _always_ pick someone else over himself. He just will. And you don’t get to let him, got it?”

 

“You really care about him,” Haruka mused quietly, not even realizing he’d said his thoughts aloud until Sousuke immediately sat up in his seat, clearly irritated.

 

“ _Obviously_. You think I’d let his grown ass crawl into my bed in the middle of the night if I didn’t? Or that I stayed at home an extra year taking classes at the local university until he graduated just because it sounded fun? Or that I ruined my shoulder because I pushed my body way too hard trying to chase his dream for him because he couldn’t do it himself?” Sousuke growled lowly, face settled in a scowl for a moment before he took a deep breath and carefully leaned back once more, sighing quietly to himself before continuing.

 

“You don’t… you don’t get second chances like this, you know? When people go missing for four years and you finally find them again, they’re dead. People like Rin don’t just come back alive. At least, they’re not supposed to. I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve a second chance, I probably only got it because karma  _owes_ Gou and Rin’s mom, but I got it. And I’m not going to waste it. Ever.”

 

Haruka wasn’t sure what else to say, honestly, but he found himself nodding along in agreeance as he took another small bite of his mackerel.

 

“I’ve never really thought about it,” Haruka finally said after a few more moments of silence, voice low, attention still on his meal.

 

“Hm?”

 

“About Rin. About what happened,” Haruka elaborated quietly, chopsticks pushing his mackerel around his rice.

 

“You’re better off not thinking about it,” Sousuke shrugged, taking another hunk of tonkatsu and shoving it in his mouth.

 

“He showed me a picture of him in the hospital.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Haruka nodded quietly, finally taking another small bite, chewing slowly before swallowing. “It’s still hard to believe that was him.”

 

“He didn’t weigh much more than Gou when they found him.”

 

“Yeah…” Haruka sighed, not feeling particularly hungry anymore.

 

“Anyways, you almost done? It’s movie night, yeah? Makoto’s probably waiting.”

 

“Hm? Oh. Yeah, you’re right,” Haruka nodded carefully. It _was_ movie night, and he supposed it said something about how friendly they’d all become that Sousuke remembered better than he did. Silently Haruka moved to pull out his wallet, only to be dismissed by the wave of Sousuke’s hand.

 

“I dragged you out here, I got it.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Least I can do. Anyways, why don’t you head out?”

 

“Ah… alright?” Haruka said, pausing in confusion.

 

“And uh… thanks for coming, Haru,” Sousuke shrugged, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck.

 

“Uh, yeah. I’ll see you around, I guess?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

\--

 

“Oh my _god_. Haru, your _face_!” Makoto gasped the moment he opened his apartment door. “What happened!?”

 

“It’s nothing,” Haruka sighed, moving to step around Makoto and take off his shoes, carefully putting them away.

 

“That bruise is absolutely _not_ just nothing! Were you in a fight, Haru?”

 

“I’m _fine_ , Makoto.”

 

“Haru. If someone hit you…”

 

“I said I’m _fine_.”

 

“ _Haru_.”

 

Haruka immediately sighed at the tone in irritation, stepping around Makoto and entering into Makoto’s apartment.

 

“It was just… Rin h-“

 

“Rin!?” Makoto gaped, staring at Haruka in surprise.

 

“ _Not_ like that, Makoto. It was an accident, that’s it.”

 

“What happened?” Makoto asked, concern lacing his voice as he attempted to catch Haruka’s gaze with his own.

 

Haruka couldn’t help but sigh quietly, shaking his head. _Why_ couldn’t Makoto just let things go for once? “He didn’t know it was me and he panicked, that’s all.”

 

“Oh. Well... alright. I… I guess. Mm, are you hungry, then? Like something to drink, maybe?”

 

“I ate dinner with Sousuke already,” Haruka shrugged, heading towards Makoto’s couch to claim his usual corner seat, knees drawn to his chest.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“No Rin?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Hm. Well, water, at least?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Haruka waited patiently on the couch for Makoto to return, taking his glass of water with a quiet ‘thanks’ as he took a sip.

 

“So-“ Makoto started, only to be cut off by Haruka sighing.

 

“He was asleep, Makoto,” Haruka clarified quietly, watching Makoto take his seat on the other end of the couch. “And Sousuke just wanted to talk to me about Rin.”

 

“Oh. Alright.”

 

It was honestly easier to just tell Makoto the basics and sate his curiosity, because Makoto, however well-intending, was one of the nosiest people Haruka’d ever met. Things that didn’t involve him for some reason became his business, and since he was going to find things out anyways, it made more sense to just tell him now so they could both move on.

 

“He’s… he’s alright, though?”

 

“Rin? Yeah, he’s fine.”

 

“Okay good,” Makoto said with a small, approving nod. “So, movie time, then?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Haruka watched Makoto climb back to his feet, taking the moment to fish his cellphone out from his pocket to check for any messages.

 

Nope.

 

He had to hold back a disappointed sigh as the movie came up on the television screen, Makoto returning, remote in hand, before pressing play.

 

Together they sat in silence for a good five minutes or so, watching the movie’s intro scene.

 

“So you were sleeping together with Rin, then? When he hit you?”

 

“ _Makoto_.”

 

“I mean, I just thought nothing was going on between you two, you know?” Makoto stated, voice lilting and light as he attempted to force back a smile.

 

“Oi!” Haruka snapped, reaching out with his foot to shove at Makoto’s thigh irritably. _Why_ had he left his backpack at home? He didn’t even have his sketchbook to use as a distraction from his _inappropriately nosy best friend_.

 

“Hmmmm, didn’t deny it this time, I see,” Makoto mused thoughtfully, catching Haruka’s foot when it tried to kick him a second time.

 

“You’re a pain,” Haruka grumbled irritably. He’d tell Makoto about the punch, he _had_ to, really, because Makoto was going to panic until he did. But he was _not_ going to tell Makoto about the kiss. Not until he’d talked and Rin and they’d figured out whatever this… _something_ between them was.

 

“I’m happy for you, Haru,” Makoto finally said with a light sigh, gently releasing Haruka’s foot. “It’s been almost a year; you deserve something that makes you happy.”

 

Haruka wanted to snap out that nothing was going on between him and Rin, that he _really_ didn’t feel like to listen to Makoto congratulate him on a relationship that wasn’t even a real relationship yet, but he couldn’t seem to find his voice, words caught in his throat.

 

“Can we please just watch the movie?” Haruka finally sighed out, attention drifting back to the screen.

 

“Mmm, of course, Haru-chan.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Not really much here, but there's a bit of an almost panic-attack
> 
> Oh man a chapter without Rin feels weird. Don't worry, though, he'll be back in full-force next chapter!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, this is so late, yet again! Thankfully, this time was less writer's block and more circumstances that just kept me from being able to get things written, which hopefully means the next chapter won't take near as long to get out as the last two did. Anyways, thank you so much to everyone for all the wonderful comments, and I'm sorry for how long it took for me to respond to them. Also, there's one fantastic comment left that I was going to respond to before posting this chapter, but this chapter so, SO late, that I'll post it now and respond to the lovely comment within the next few days. Thank you, guys!

 

 

Thankfully for Haruka, his closet-sized apartment was, by virtue of being closet-sized, small enough that he could hear someone at the front door even when he was soaking in his bathtub.

 

At first he attempted to ignore the knock at his door; he’d already paid his rent, so he really didn’t care to know why his landlady was bothering him so early in the morning. He’d already been in the bath for a half hour but today, _this particular day_ , he knew he was going to need at least an hour to mentally prepare himself.

 

Today was June 2nd.

 

June _fucking_ second.

 

The pounding on the door began again, a few loud, firm, irritable thumps that refused to let Haruka drift back into his thoughts.

 

“Oiii! Come on, Haru! I know you’re in there! I know you took off practice today!”

 

“Rin…?” Haruka mumbled to himself, eyes widening. He and Rin… well, okay, so despite Sousuke telling him to just text Rin he uh… hadn’t. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, of course, but every time he’d tried to come up with something to say, he ended up just staring at his phone awkwardly until he’d finally given up.

 

Immediately Haruka was on his feet, stepping out of the tub and setting it up to drain, grabbing his towel from the rack. He gave himself a quick pat down before exiting the bathroom, reaching the front door just in time for another round of pounding.

 

“Oh come on, Haru! I’m sorry I didn’t text you or anything these last few days just… shit. Your landlady’s probably going to yell at me for making a fuss this early in the morning, so just open the do-“ Rin froze as the door swing open. “-or,” he finished awkwardly, eyes on Haruka. “…you even _bathe_ in your jammers? Underwear, Haru. Invest in them,” Rin sighed, one hand drifting to toy along the back of his neck, other tightening its grip on the tote bag slung over his shoulder.

 

“You’ve worn my underwear before, you know I own then,” Haruka pointed out, watching Rin’s face immediately flush at the statement.

 

“Oiii, just let me in your apartment, okay?” Rin demanded roughly, embarrassment obvious as Haruka stepped aside, letting Rin quickly slip inside.

 

“Why are you here?” Haruka finally asked, watching Rin slip off his sneakers and remove his hat as he shut the front door.

 

“Because I told you I’d distract you today, remember?” Rin responded quickly, sliding his shoes into the small cubbyholder, hat atop them.

 

“But it’s early,” Haruka said, idly working the towel through his hair to try to dry it off some more.

 

“Which is the perfect time for breakfast!” Rin grinned, dragging the tote bag off his shoulder, holding it open for Haruka to peek inside.

 

“You’re making me breakfast?” Haruka asked, glancing at the groceries filling the tote.

 

“Yup! I knew you’d already be up, so I figured why not start the day off on a good note, yeah? Didn’t mean to crash your bath, though. Sorry about that.”

 

“Mm, it’s fine,” Haruka dismissed, wandering off to go toss his towel in the wash. Honestly, he was just glad Rin was here. That he’d even remembered in the first place. A few days of radio silence had left Haruka wondering what was going on, if the kiss had been an overstepped boundary that was going to completely ruin the precious relationship they’d built over the course of the last year.

 

Watching Rin head into his kitchenette and slip on his dolphin apron took the weight right off Haruka’s chest. He hadn’t known it was there, really, but the moment it was gone he could feel himself relaxing. He wanted to address things, of course, wanted to establish just what _this_ was, but the happiness of Rin showing up at his front door at 7 am with breakfast managed to force all his questions at bay.

 

“So what are you making me?” Haruka asked as he wandered into the kitchenette, slipping behind Rin to stare over his shoulder, idly letting his chin rest there for a moment.

 

“Mackerel, of course,” Rin laughed, working at mixing together a paste in a small bowl. “Can’t break with your breakfast tradition, Haru.”

 

“What’s that?” Haruka asked, giving the paste a skeptical look.

 

“I thought I’d try something different. I spent a long time on google looking for recipes. Apparently there’s an Indian-style mackerel dish, so I thought we’d give it a try.”

 

“…Indian?” Haruka blinked, watching Rin begin working the paste over the mackerel fillets, making sure to dig the goo into the slits he’d cut along the fish’s scaly surface.

 

“Yeah. You’ve never had it before?”

 

“No,” Haruka shrugged, finally stepping aside, grabbing one of the spice containers and giving it a stare. “Turmeric?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“This all smells weird,” Haruka mused, glancing over as Rin checked the heat on the cooking pan.

 

“Of course it does, it’s not Japanese,” Rin laughed, shaking his head and glancing at Haruka with a grin. The smile quickly disappeared, however, turning into a frown as Rin gave him a once-over.

 

“That’s uh, bruising pretty bad,” Rin mumbled, eyes diverting back to their meal.

 

“Looks worse than it is,” Haruka shrugged, his own eyes shifting to Rin’s hand. “And your wrist? Did you get it checked out?”

 

“My wri- oh, yeah. It’s still a little sore but I’m sure it’s fine,” Rin shrugged. “Wouldn’t be making you breakfast if it bothered me, yeah?”

 

Haruka frowned, because clearly Rin hadn’t been assed to get his injury checked out, but he opted to stay silent, instead moving to start brewing some tea.

 

“Can we at least have miso soup, too?” Haruka asked, watching Rin finally put the mackerel into the pan. “I have some leftover in the fridge.”

 

“Uh… sure, I guess? You’re scared of this, aren’t you?” Rin teased lightly, gesturing at the pan.

 

Haruka shrugged silently, pulling out leftover miso soup so he could begin to reheat it. He’d never had Indian food, and he wasn’t quite sure he could stomach the potential violation of mackerel, so he at least needed _something_ he could fall back on for breakfast.

 

“It won’t be bad, Haru,” Rin grinned, shaking his head before adding a quick ‘probably.’

 

Haruka took a few minutes to go change out of his damp jammers before returning to Rin’s side in the kitchen, both falling immediately into a comfortable silence as Haruka began preparing plates. He was happy there was leftover rice from the night before they could re-heat in the cooker as he went about putting together bowls of soup and cups of tea for the pair of them. While Rin tended to the mackerel Haruka cleared off his kotatsu and set the table, pausing for a moment outside of Rin’s sightline to smile.

 

Normally when Rin spent the night, Haruka had practice first thing in the morning and Rin wanted to go running. Their Thursday mornings were brief, honestly, and they’d usually just hastily eat some rice and some leftovers before heading to campus and parting ways. This, though. This was… it was nice. Really nice.

 

There was something light and lovely to a relaxing morning, no responsibilities at all, with Rin. Rin wearing his apron, cooking (weird) mackerel for him, smiling and chatting and just _being there at all_ …

 

He could definitely get used to this.

 

“Oi, Haru, can you get bring the plates to me?” Rin called out, knocking Haruka out of his reverie as he quickly returned to the kitchen, grabbing the plates and presenting them one at a time so Rin could slip a mackerel filet onto each. “I’m sorry if it’s awful,” Rin mumbled as he removed the apron, hanging it up before following Haruka back to the kotatsu.

 

“Hey, it’s not _that_ bad,” Rin mumbled once they’d settled in together and given their meal a try, moving to take a sip of his green tea.

 

“The spices are weird, but it’s not bad…” Haruka mumbled in return, mostly just pleased that, despite the weird seasoning, Rin had cooked the mackerel perfectly. Haruka was, of course, a bit of a mackerel connoisseur, and well-cooked mackerel wasn’t always the easiest thing to find, especially outside a restaurant. “It’s cooked just right.”

 

“Mmm, see? I told you I could cook mackerel!” Rin grinned smugly, taking another bite.

 

“So… what else are we doing today?” Haruka finally asked curiously, taking another bite of his weirdly spiced mackerel. It was… well, after the first few bites it was starting to grow on him, honestly. Definitely weird but also definitely… decent.

 

“Mm, you’ll find out when we get there,” Rin grinned, distracting himself purposefully with his soup.

 

“…You aren’t going to even tell me?”

 

“Nope. You wanted a distraction, so a distraction you will get. But it’s more fun if it’s a surprise, yeah?”

 

“I told you I don’t like surprises…” Haruka huffed, popping some rice into his mouth. They’d discussed this not that long ago.

 

“That’s only because you’ve never had a fun surprise. This isn’t so bad, though? Surprise breakfast?”

 

Well no, this was certainly… the complete opposite of bad, but that didn’t make Haruka like surprises any more. In general surprises, well, they sucked. A lot.

 

Haruka opted to shrug silently and purposefully look away rather than admit that Rin was right. It was the principle of the matter.

 

“Just what I thought,” Rin grinned smugly, taking another bite of mackerel. “Anyways, we should probably hurry up. It’s still early, but it’s Sunday so it’s going to get crowded and we still need to take the train to get there.”

 

“The train?”

 

“Mmhm.”

 

“How far out are you taking me?”

 

“I told you, you’ll see.”

 

“Oi.”

 

“Aww, don’t be like that. I promise it’ll be fun.”

 

“Mm, we’ll see.”

 

\--

 

“…The aquarium?” Haruka stared, watching the throngs of people dipping in and out of the building.

 

“Yup! That’s why I said we have to get here early. If we want to see Dipper in action, we better head over to the dolphin show now, otherwise we’ll never get seats.”

 

“Do they let us start getting seats this early?” Haruka mused, watching Rin pull his wallet from his back pocket, surprised to see that Rin had already gotten them tickets in advance.

 

“Yeah, it’s not a problem. Show starts at 10:45 on weekends and it gets packed early on Sundays.”

 

“…I could have paid for my own ticket, you know…” Haruka pointed out as they made their way to the entrance, presenting their tickets.

 

“Mm, was easier this way,” Rin dismissed, slipping his ticket back into his wallet before heading further inside.  Haruka glanced down at his own ticket for a moment, shrugging to himself before sliding it into his pocket and following after Rin.  

 

“So… you just assumed I’d come, then?”

 

“You did, didn’t you?” Rin laughed, glancing around to throw Haruka a toothy grin.

 

Haruka couldn’t help but scowl, even though Rin was obviously very much correct. He hadn’t even worried about where Rin was taking him; he’d simply agreed, following Rin blindly to the train. He couldn’t help but idly wonder when _that_ had happened, when Rin had become someone he so intrinsically trusted that he had zero qualms with following Rin pretty much anywhere.

 

By the time they made it to the performance area, Haruka quickly realized what Rin had meant about the place filling up quickly. Not all of the stands were filled, of course, but there were only a few smatterings of unclaimed seats left.

 

“Mm, guess we’re going up,” Rin laughed softly, pointing to the highest rows of seating.

 

“…But there’s seating right in the front,” Haruka mumbled, glancing back-and-forth between the pool and the seats, attempting to catch a peek at the dolphins while also searching for a spot.

 

“Well yeah, but that’s the splash zone.”

 

“And..?”

 

“We haven’t even touched the rest of the aquarium and you want to potentially wander around drenched?” Rin stared, only to earn an expectant stare right back. Sighing, Rin shook his head with a laugh. “What am I talking about? You’re Haru, of course you want to wander around the entire aquarium wet. Hell, you’re probably even wearing jammers again, aren’t you?”

 

Haruka said nothing (he most certainly was), instead silently taking a hold of Rin’s hand and tugging him towards the bleachers.

 

“O-oi, you don’t have to drag me…” Rin groaned, though Haruka was pleased to notice that Rin did absolutely nothing to pull his hand away until they were comfortably seated.

 

“So… you suitably distracted so far?” Rin asked after a few moments of comfortable silence, fingers idly toying along the bill of his cap.

 

“Why aren’t the dolphins out yet?” Haruka mumbled irritably in his seat, sitting up as tall as he could, attempting to see if the dolphins were in the back. “Show starts soon…”

 

“I think they keep them in a separate tank until the trainers are ready.”

 

“Hmph…”

 

Haruka kept his hopeful eyes on the tank for a few moments before finally, disappointedly glancing over at Rin. “You don’t need to wear a hat indoors, you know…” he mumbled idly.

 

“Ah, just…”

 

“Your hair stands out.”

 

“Yeah. I just… I don’t want people to recognize me, you know?”

 

“Is it that bad when they do?”

 

“Well, no… Or well, yes. I just… ugh, shit. I guess it doesn’t happen a lot or anything, but it _does_ happen. People stare. Feels like I’m some kind of zoo animal or something. I mean I know they’re just curious, _everyone_ is curious, just… yeah. Sometimes I just want to be forgotten, you know? Which is kind of ironic after spending four years just hoping to be remembered…”

 

Haruk wanted to say something, wanted to reach over and touch Rin, to reassure him, but suddenly the lights began to dim and the trainers because to pour in, and the words disappeared on his tongue as the show began.

 

\--

 

“Oiiii, of course, of _course_ I was the one that got drenched by Dipper,” Rin groaned, doing his best to find a corner of the dolphin exhibit where he could wring out his shirt. “Damned sneaky dolphin…”

 

“Not fair…” Haruka grumbled idly, irritated by his decidedly _not_ wet clothes. While he could very much appreciate the fact that Rin, in all his wet glory, had a t-shirt clinging to his wonderfully defined pectorals, it didn’t negate the fact that Haruka hadn’t gotten wet at all. Not a single drop.

 

Damnit.

 

“Oi, if you want to get wet that badly, go stick your head in the water fountain or something,” Rin groused, squeezing out the excess water from his t-shirt.

 

“It’s not the same.”

 

“Shoulda wrung my shirt off over your head, then.”

 

“Be closer…” Haruka mumbled, watching the dolphins swim around the tank while waiting for Rin to finish up.

 

“Anyways, so where you wanna go next?” Rin asked, straightening out his freshly wrinkled shirt before glancing over at Haruka.

 

“Mmm, everywhere,” Haruka responded easily, finally pulling his gaze away from the dolphins to look at Rin. “What about you?”

 

“Hmm. Not my day, but I _do_ want to go see some sharks. There’s a sea lion show too, later. Might be fun, yeah?”

 

“Will they get you wet for me, too?” Haruka mused.

 

“H-Hey! Stop making fun of me, ass,” Rin grumbled, kicking Haruka lightly in the shoe.

 

“How about we save the sharks for last, then?” Haruka suggested, reaching out to idly fix Rin’s damp bangs before turning to leave the dolphin area, immediately running into the throngs of fellow visitors.

 

“Yeah, that... that sounds good.”

 

\--

 

“Okay, so this restaurant apparently has _the_ best mackerel in Tokyo. And I would know. I kid you not, I spent  _days_ scouring restaurant reviews and trying to find other mackerel fanatics for advice.”

 

“I get dinner, too?”

 

“Well yeah, of course. It’s still June 2nd, isn’t it? Matsuoka’s don’t half-ass things, you know.”

 

Haruka couldn’t help but stare. First, homemade breakfast. Second, a trip to the aquarium. And now this? Now dinner?

 

A dinner Rin had apparently spent days researching in a desperate attempt to find _the_ best mackerel Tokyo had to offer?

 

“Yeah…” Haruka finally choked out, nodding silently.

 

“Is something wrong?” Rin asked with a frown, head tilting to the side as he did his best to give Haruka a one-over. “Is it too much mackerel? Should I have tried to find something else? I just assumed, yanno…”

 

“There’s no such thing as too much mackerel,” Haruka sighed out, shaking his head lightly in reassurance, trying to hold back the small smile that desperately wanted to drift across his face.

 

“That’s what I thought! Anyways, it’s a bit of a trek, we’re going to have to take the train again, but I already made reservations so, yanno…”

 

“…You just assumed _again_?” Haruka questioned lightly, earning yet another one of Rin’s delightfully musical laughs.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Rin chuckled, hand drifting to rub at the nape of his neck. “I just… it’s mackerel. I didn’t think you said no to mackerel.”

 

“Mm, I don’t. I tried your weird Indian mackerel, didn’t I?”

 

“It wasn’t _that_ bad!” Rin laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

 

“It was good…” Haruka mumbled with a small, approving little nod.

 

“Good! Anyways, our reservation is in like 45 minutes, so we better get a move on.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

\--

 

It was the best mackerel Haruka had ever tasted. Hands down.

 

He was almost ashamed of himself for not coming up with such a delicious take on mackerel himself. How could something _so_ good exist outside his own kitchen? Was it because he wasn’t adventurous enough? Because he tended to restrict himself to the same set of ingredients?

 

He _seriously_ needed to up his mackerel game.

 

After dinner he and Rin had made their way back to Haruka’s apartment because, per Rin, he had one more small surprise for the pair of them.

 

“Okay okay, so after everything else this is probably not super special or anything, but I thought maybe we could watch a movie together?”

 

“A movie?” Haruka echoed, watching Rin dig through the tote bag he’d brought breakfast in earlier.

 

“Yeah. I thought maybe we could watch a movie and, if you want, I mean if you don’t want to there’s absolutely no pressure, alright? But if you want, I could maybe spend the night, too…”

 

“Really…?” Haruka repeated, eyes widening slightly in excitement. Rin’d never stayed the night before outside of their Wednesday study sessions.

 

“Uh, yeah. Again, only if you wa-“

 

“I do, Rin.”

 

“Oh, okay. Good!” Rin smiled, cheeks flushing ever-so-slightly as he pointedly looked away from Haruka. “Anyways, we can watch something else if you’d like, but I brought this,” Rin said, tugging a DVD out of his bag and presenting it to Haruka.

 

“ _The Wizard of Oz_?” Haruka read aloud.

 

“Y-Yeah. Since, yanno…” Rin mumbled, voice trailing off in embarrassment. “I mean, again, we can watch something e-“

 

“I want to watch it, Rin.”

 

“Okay, cool,” Rin smiled in relief.

 

It took them awhile to set things up, making sure to both wash up and change into pajamas before dragging out Haruka’s laptop, setting it up on a stool near the bed so they had a place to comfortably sit together.

 

“Now keep in mind, it’s a really old movie. So some of the special effects are a little uh, subpar. The music, though…”

 

“I’m excited,” Haruka mumbled, moving to get comfortable alongside Rin, taking a moment to grab Rin’s pillow, pulling it to his chest.

 

“No pressure,” Rin laughed softly, moving to turn on the movie and switch it to full-screen before settling in comfortably alongside Haruka.

 

It didn’t take very long for the familiar song to start playing, and Haruka couldn’t help but be enraptured, watching the moment that had become such a cornerstone of Rin’s life in Australia.

 

“Her voice is beautiful…”

 

“Yeah. And she was only 16 when she did this movie. It’s crazy.”

 

“I still like yours better, though.”

 

Rin immediately laughed, shaking his head. “Stop sucking up. She’s Judy freakin’ Garland, I’ve got nothing on that.”

 

“Mm, you should sing more. You have a beautiful voice.”

 

“Oiiiii, Haru,” Rin groaned, face flushing as he shook his head in embarrassment, attempting to refocus the pair of them back on the movie.  “Let’s not talk about that.”

 

“It turns into a colored movie!?” Haruka gasped as soon as Dorothy stumbled her way into Oz, blue eyes wide in excitement as he turned to eye Rin in starry-eyed wonder.

 

“It’s awesome, isn’t it?” Rin grinned, taking a moment to shift in his spot, thigh inadvertently brushing up against Haruka’s as his attention drifted back to the laptop.

 

It was hard for Haruka not to notice that new feeling, warm despite the thick, fluffy fabric of Rin’s pajama pants.

 

Immediately he couldn’t help but wish they were both wearing sleep shorts.

 

“Oh shit, the monkeys are coming up,” Rin groaned after another half hour or so, earning a confused stare from Haruka.

 

“…Monkeys?”

 

“Yes! They used to scare the crap out of me as a kid,” Rin whined, head thumping against Haruka’s shoulder for protection as soon as the scene shifted to the flying monkeys.

 

“A-amazing…” Haruka mumbled out, eyes widening.

 

“…What?” Rin asked, head lifting off Haruka’s shoulder to stare at him like he was insane. “Are you serious? No one likes the monkeys, Haru. No one.”

 

“They’re _amazing,_ Rin,” Haruka repeated with a firm nod, wondering how the heck these magnificently, _spectacularly_ weird things could have possibly scared little Rin so bad.

 

Heck, the Wicked Witch was far creepier, to be completely honest.

 

“What!? You’ve got to be kidding me. They’re like… dudes in paint with shoddy wings and creepy faces.”

 

“ _Amazing,_ Rin.”

 

“Oiiii, fine, fine, you damned weirdo,” Rin laughed, shaking his head and glancing down at his shirt before letting his cheek idly thunk over to rest against Haruka’s shoulder once more. “I should have known better, honestly. I _am_ wearing Loosey-kun, after all.”

 

“You are,” Haruka nodded in agreement, beyond pleased that Loosey-kun had pretty much become Rin’s over the last few weeks.

 

Heck, Rin had even indulged him and let Haruka show him all around his underwater town in _Deep Sea Crossing_.

  

“Oi, Haru, pay attention,” Rin grunted, nudging at Haruka until he finally looked back at the screen.

 

To be honest, as good as the movie was (and it really, truly _was_ ), by the end Haruka was barely staying awake, head lolling idly against Rin’s.

 

“Mm, did you like it?” Rin asked quietly once the credits began rolling, not bothering to pull his head away.

 

“Yeah,” Haruka mumbled sleepily, cheek rubbing along the crown of Rin’s head as he nodded. “I can see why you liked it so much.”

 

“Yeah…” Rin nodded, taking a deep, slow breath before exhaling in a half-yawn, finally pulling his head away from Haruka’s shoulder to take a peek at him. “You look like you’re about to fall asleep sitting up, Haru,” Rin teased gently, voice soft and fond as he reached out to turn off the movie before shutting the laptop itself. He took a moment to slide off the bed, setting aside Haruka’s laptop and putting the stool away before finally returning to the bed.

 

Haruka had taken the moment to spread out, climbing sleepily under the covers as Rin had put everything away.

 

“Oi, scoot,” Rin grunted fondly, waiting for Haruka to whine but obey, slipping back against the wall to give Rin some space to climb in as well.

 

It took another minute or so for Rin to settle in, finally turning off the nearby lamp before curling up with his favorite pillow.

 

Instinct had Haruka curling in close to Rin’s back, arm settling over Rin’s waist as his breathing began to settle.

 

“Haru…?” Rin mumbled after another silent moment.

 

Haruka almost didn’t respond, honestly, because it was _way_ past his bedtime and Rin should have known better than to try for bedtime chatter, but after the day they’d had, after everything Rin had done for him, Haruka had to make a small, questioning little noise back at Rin. It was the least he could do.

 

“It’s two minutes after midnight, Haru. It’s no longer June 2nd. You made it.”

 

Haruka’s eyes opened instinctively, blue eyes glancing over Rin at his bedside clock, staring at the glowing green numbers.

 

00:02.

 

Rin was right. He’d made it.

 

Hell, he’d almost completely forgotten about it at all.

 

“I did,” he finally mumbled in awe, arm tightening lightly around Rin’s waist, giving it a fond, appreciative little squeeze.

 

“Congratulations, Haru.”

 

Haruka couldn’t see Rin’s face, but he could hear the smile behind that voice, full of sweet understanding. He still hadn’t told Rin what had happened, but he didn’t need to, not really.

 

No matter what it was, Rin wasn’t there to judge him, only to help. Because that’s all Rin had ever done, since the day they’d met.

 

Another few minutes of silence settled between them, and this time it was Haruka unable to help himself. “Rin…?” he asked tentatively, unsure over whether or not Rin had already dozed off.

 

“Yeah…?” Rin mumbled back sleepily.

 

“What… was today?” Haruka asked, voice cracking with nerves as he carefully rested his forehead against the back of Rin’s neck, eyes drifting shut as he braced for what came next.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

It took another moment for Haruka to figure out how exactly to respond, how to get Rin to understand him. “When you said we should spend today together, you called it a date.”

 

“...I guess I did.”

 

“Did you… did you mean a friend date or…” Haruka took a moment to mentally prepare himself before finally, nervously finishing, fingers curling unintentionally against Rin’s belly, arm still wrapped around that tapered waist. “Or a _date_ date?”

 

For a moment he could feel Rin tense against him, heart pounding hard enough Haruka could feel it against the backs of his fingertips.

 

Idly, Haruka wondered if Rin could feel his equally erratic heartbeat pressed up against Rin’s back.

 

“I… I meant it to be… to be whichever you wanted it to be, Haru. With no pressure either way.”

 

There was no way Rin couldn’t feel Haruka’s heartbeat now, as a burst of nerves and excitement and thrill and _fear_ all built up in Haruka’s chest, pounding and exhilarating all at once as he tried to process those words.

 

Whatever he wanted it to be.

 

Rin was…

 

Rin wasn’t supposed to _actually_ like him back. This was Haruka’s stupid little one-sided crush. It was his dumb sexy dreams and stupid porny sketches and silly, ridiculous, _unrequited_ crush.

 

And yet Rin was here, was… was making this offer.

 

This gentle, kind, sweet, _unfair_ offer.

 

It felt like an eternity, as Haruka pondered his answer in his mind, but honestly it was probably only a few seconds before he finally mustered up the ability to respond.

 

“I… I think I want it to be a date date, Rin,” Haruka mumbled, voice half muffled against Rin’s neck as he blindly reached out his hand, attempting to find Rin’s.

 

Silently Rin offered up his palm, letting Haruka shakily lock their fingers together before finally, quietly responding, voice no more than a nervous whisper.

 

“I… I think I want it to be a date date, too, Haru…”

 

Haruka didn’t have to say anything else, fingers squeezing down on Rin’s slightly larger hand.

 

Silently, Rin tugged Haruka’s arm closer, never unlocking their fingers.

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: none, really!
> 
> Sorry if this chapter seemed a little rushed, I was trying to condense down a lot in it so it didn't go on forever (because let's face it, I could write these two doing mundane things until the end of time). I also somewhat sped edit this (mostly because ao3 died right after I finished editing and I lost it all), so if there are any mistakes, I apologize in advance!
> 
> Also, Haru trying to get splashed by the dolphin and Rin getting taken out instead is 100% based off my doing the exact same thing to my sister at the dolphin show of the aquarium. She got drenched and had to wander the aquarium all day, soaked, and I didn't get a single drop on me because the dolphin didn't love me, gawd.


End file.
